Soon after this, the general found himself obliged to go to London for a week; and he left Northanger earnestly regretting that any necessity should rob him even for an hour of Miss Morland's company, and anxiously recommending the study of her comfort and amusement to his children as their chief object in his absence. His departure gave Catherine the first experimental conviction that a loss may be sometimes a gain. The happiness with which their time now passed, every employment voluntary, every laugh indulged, every meal a scene of ease and good humour, walking where they liked and when they liked, their hours, pleasures, and fatigues at their own command, made her thoroughly sensible of the restraint which the general's presence had imposed, and most thankfully feel their present release from it. Such ease and such delights made her love the place and the people more and more every day; and had it not been for a dread of its soon becoming expedient to leave the one, and an apprehension of not being equally beloved by the other, she would at each moment of each day have been perfectly happy; but she was now in the fourth week of her visit; before the general came home, the fourth week would be turned, and perhaps it might seem an intrusion if she stayed much longer. This was a painful consideration whenever it occurred; and eager to get rid of such a weight on her mind, she very soon resolved to speak to Eleanor about it at once, propose going away, and be guided in her conduct by the manner in which her proposal might be taken.
Aware that if she gave herself much time, she might feel it difficult to bring forward so unpleasant a subject, she took the first opportunity of being suddenly alone with Eleanor, and of Eleanor's being in the middle of a speech about something very different, to start forth her obligation of going away very soon. Eleanor looked and declared herself much concerned. She had "hoped for the pleasure of her company for a much longer time--had been misled (perhaps by her wishes) to suppose that a much longer visit had been promised--and could not but think that if Mr. and Mrs. Morland were aware of the pleasure it was to her to have her there, they would be too generous to hasten her return." Catherine explained: "Oh! As to that, Papa and Mamma were in no hurry at all. As long as she was happy, they would always be satisfied."
"Then why, might she ask, in such a hurry herself to leave them?"
"Oh! Because she had been there so long."
"Nay, if you can use such a word, I can urge you no farther. If you think it long--"
"Oh! No, I do not indeed. For my own pleasure, I could stay with you as long again." And it was directly settled that, till she had, her leaving them was not even to be thought of. In having this cause of uneasiness so pleasantly removed, the force of the other was likewise weakened. The kindness, the earnestness of Eleanor's manner in pressing her to stay, and Henry's gratified look on being told that her stay was determined, were such sweet proofs of her importance with them, as left her only just so much solicitude as the human mind can never do comfortably without. She did--almost always--believe that Henry loved her, and quite always that his father and sister loved and even wished her to belong to them; and believing so far, her doubts and anxieties were merely sportive irritations.
Henry was not able to obey his father's injunction of remaining wholly at Northanger in attendance on the ladies, during his absence in London, the engagements of his curate at Woodston obliging him to leave them on Saturday for a couple of nights. His loss was not now what it had been while the general was at home; it lessened their gaiety, but did not ruin their comfort; and the two girls agreeing in occupation, and improving in intimacy, found themselves so well sufficient for the time to themselves, that it was eleven o'clock, rather a late hour at the abbey, before they quitted the supper-room on the day of Henry's departure. They had just reached the head of the stairs when it seemed, as far as the thickness of the walls would allow them to judge, that a carriage was driving up to the door, and the next moment confirmed the idea by the loud noise of the house-bell. After the first perturbation of surprise had passed away, in a "Good heaven! What can be the matter?" it was quickly decided by Eleanor to be her eldest brother, whose arrival was often as sudden, if not quite so unseasonable, and accordingly she hurried down to welcome him.
Catherine walked on to her chamber, making up her mind as well as she could, to a further acquaintance with Captain Tilney, and comforting herself under the unpleasant impression his conduct had given her, and the persuasion of his being by far too fine a gentleman to approve of her, that at least they should not meet under such circumstances as would make their meeting materially painful. She trusted he would never speak of Miss Thorpe; and indeed, as he must by this time be ashamed of the part he had acted, there could be no danger of it; and as long as all mention of Bath scenes were avoided, she thought she could behave to him very civilly. In such considerations time passed away, and it was certainly in his favour that Eleanor should be so glad to see him, and have so much to say, for half an hour was almost gone since his arrival, and Eleanor did not come up.
At that moment Catherine thought she heard her step in the gallery, and listened for its continuance; but all was silent. Scarcely, however, had she convicted her fancy of error, when the noise of something moving close to her door made her start; it seemed as if someone was touching the very doorway--and in another moment a slight motion of the lock proved that some hand must be on it. She trembled a little at the idea of anyone's approaching so cautiously; but resolving not to be again overcome by trivial appearances of alarm, or misled by a raised imagination, she stepped quietly forward, and opened the door. Eleanor, and only Eleanor, stood there. Catherine's spirits, however, were tranquillized but for an instant, for Eleanor's cheeks were pale, and her manner greatly agitated. Though evidently intending to come in, it seemed an effort to enter the room, and a still greater to speak when there. Catherine, supposing some uneasiness on Captain Tilney's account, could only express her concern by silent attention, obliged her to be seated, rubbed her temples with lavender-water, and hung over her with affectionate solicitude. "My dear Catherine, you must not--you must not indeed--" were Eleanor's first connected words. "I am quite well. This kindness distracts me--I cannot bear it--I come to you on such an errand!"
"Errand! To me!"
"How shall I tell you! Oh! How shall I tell you!"
A new idea now darted into Catherine's mind, and turning as pale as her friend, she exclaimed, "'Tis a messenger from Woodston!"
"You are mistaken, indeed," returned Eleanor, looking at her most compassionately; "it is no one from Woodston. It is my father himself." Her voice faltered, and her eyes were turned to the ground as she mentioned his name. His unlooked-for return was enough in itself to make Catherine's heart sink, and for a few moments she hardly supposed there were anything worse to be told. She said nothing; and Eleanor, endeavouring to collect herself and speak with firmness, but with eyes still cast down, soon went on. "You are too good, I am sure, to think the worse of me for the part I am obliged to perform. I am indeed a most unwilling messenger. After what has so lately passed, so lately been settled between us--how joyfully, how thankfully on my side!--as to your continuing here as I hoped for many, many weeks longer, how can I tell you that your kindness is not to be accepted--and that the happiness your company has hitherto given us is to be repaid by-- But I must not trust myself with words. My dear Catherine, we are to part. My father has recollected an engagement that takes our whole family away on Monday. We are going to Lord Longtown's, near Hereford, for a fortnight. Explanation and apology are equally impossible. I cannot attempt either."
"My dear Eleanor," cried Catherine, suppressing her feelings as well as she could, "do not be so distressed. A second engagement must give way to a first. I am very, very sorry we are to part--so soon, and so suddenly too; but I am not offended, indeed I am not. I can finish my visit here, you know, at any time; or I hope you will come to me. Can you, when you return from this lord's, come to Fullerton?"
"It will not be in my power, Catherine."
"Come when you can, then."
Eleanor made no answer; and Catherine's thoughts recurring to something more directly interesting, she added, thinkng aloud, "Monday--so soon as Monday; and you all go. Well, I am certain of-- I shall be able to take leave, however. I need not go till just before you do, you know. Do not be distressed, Eleanor, I can go on Monday very well. My father and mother's having no notice of it is of very little consequence. The general will send a servant with me, I dare say, half the way--and then I shall soon be at Salisbury, and then I am only nine miles from home."
"Ah, Catherine! Were it settled so, it would be somewhat less intolerable, though in such common attentions you would have received but half what you ought. But--how can I tell you?--tomorrow morning is fixed for your leaving us, and not even the hour is left to your choice; the very carriage is ordered, and will be here at seven o'clock, and no servant will be offered you."
Catherine sat down, breathless and speechless. "I could hardly believe my senses, when I heard it; and no displeasure, no resentment that you can feel at this moment, however justly great, can be more than I myself--but I must not talk of what I felt. Oh! That I could suggest anything in extenuation! Good God! What will your father and mother say! After courting you from the protection of real friends to this--almost double distance from your home, to have you driven out of the house, without the considerations even of decent civility! Dear, dear Catherine, in being the bearer of such a message, I seem guilty myself of all its insult; yet, I trust you will acquit me, for you must have been long enough in this house to see that I am but a nominal mistress of it, that my real power is nothing."
"Have I offended the general?" said Catherine in a faltering voice.
"Alas! For my feelings as a daughter, all that I know, all that I answer for, is that you can have given him no just cause of offence. He certainly is greatly, very greatly discomposed; I have seldom seen him more so. His temper is not happy, and something has now occurred to ruffle it in an uncommon degree; some disappointment, some vexation, which just at this moment seems important, but which I can hardly suppose you to have any concern in, for how is it possible?"
It was with pain that Catherine could speak at all; and it was only for Eleanor's sake that she attempted it. "I am sure," said she, "I am very sorry if I have offended him. It was the last thing I would willingly have done. But do not be unhappy, Eleanor. An engagement, you know, must be kept. I am only sorry it was not recollected sooner, that I might have written home. But it is of very little consequence."
"I hope, I earnestly hope, that to your real safety it will be of none; but to everything else it is of the greatest consequence: to comfort, appearance, propriety, to your family, to the world. Were your friends, the Allens, still in Bath, you might go to them with comparative ease; a few hours would take you there; but a journey of seventy miles, to be taken post by you, at your age, alone, unattended!"
"Oh, the journey is nothing. Do not think about that. And if we are to part, a few hours sooner or later, you know, makes no difference. I can be ready by seven. Let me be called in time." Eleanor saw that she wished to be alone; and believing it better for each that they should avoid any further conversation, now left her with, "I shall see you in the morning."
Catherine's swelling heart needed relief. In Eleanor's presence friendship and pride had equally restrained her tears, but no sooner was she gone than they burst forth in torrents. Turned from the house, and in such a way! Without any reason that could justify, any apology that could atone for the abruptness, the rudeness, nay, the insolence of it. Henry at a distance--not able even to bid him farewell. Every hope, every expectation from him suspended, at least, and who could say how long? Who could say when they might meet again? And all this by such a man as General Tilney, so polite, so well bred, and heretofore so particularly fond of her! It was as incomprehensible as it was mortifying and grievous. From what it could arise, and where it would end, were considerations of equal perplexity and alarm. The manner in which it was done so grossly uncivil, hurrying her away without any reference to her own convenience, or allowing her even the appearance of choice as to the time or mode of her travelling; of two days, the earliest fixed on, and of that almost the earliest hour, as if resolved to have her gone before he was stirring in the morning, that he might not be obliged even to see her. What could all this mean but an intentional affront? By some means or other she must have had the misfortune to offend him. Eleanor had wished to spare her from so painful a notion, but Catherine could not believe it possible that any injury or any misfortune could provoke such ill will against a person not connected, or, at least, not supposed to be connected with it.
Heavily passed the night. Sleep, or repose that deserved the name of sleep, was out of the question. That room, in which her disturbed imagination had tormented her on her first arrival, was again the scene of agitated spirits and unquiet slumbers. Yet how different now the source of her inquietude from what it had been then--how mournfully superior in reality and substance! Her anxiety had foundation in fact, her fears in probability; and with a mind so occupied in the contemplation of actual and natural evil, the solitude of her situation, the darkness of her chamber, the antiquity of the building, were felt and considered without the smallest emotion; and though the wind was high, and often produced strange and sudden noises throughout the house, she heard it all as she lay awake, hour after hour, without curiosity or terror.
Soon after six Eleanor entered her room, eager to show attention or give assistance where it was possible; but very little remained to be done. Catherine had not loitered; she was almost dressed, and her packing almost finished. The possibility of some conciliatory message from the general occurred to her as his daughter appeared. What so natural, as that anger should pass away and repentance succeed it? And she only wanted to know how far, after what had passed, an apology might properly be received by her. But the knowledge would have been useless here; it was not called for; neither clemency nor dignity was put to the trial--Eleanor brought no message. Very little passed between them on meeting; each found her greatest safety in silence, and few and trivial were the sentences exchanged while they remained upstairs, Catherine in busy agitation completing her dress, and Eleanor with more goodwill than experience intent upon filling the trunk. When everything was done they left the room, Catherine lingering only half a minute behind her friend to throw a parting glance on every well-known, cherished object, and went down to the breakfast-parlour, where breakfast was prepared. She tried to eat, as well to save herself from the pain of being urged as to make her friend comfortable; but she had no appetite, and could not swallow many mouthfuls. The contrast between this and her last breakfast in that room gave her fresh misery, and strengthened her distaste for everything before her. It was not four and twenty hours ago since they had met there to the same repast, but in circumstances how different! With what cheerful ease, what happy, though false, security, had she then looked around her, enjoying everything present, and fearing little in future, beyond Henry's going to Woodston for a day! Happy, happy breakfast! For Henry had been there; Henry had sat by her and helped her. These reflections were long indulged undisturbed by any address from her companion, who sat as deep in thought as herself; and the appearance of the carriage was the first thing to startle and recall them to the present moment. Catherine's colour rose at the sight of it; and the indignity with which she was treated, striking at that instant on her mind with peculiar force, made her for a short time sensible only of resentment. Eleanor seemed now impelled into resolution and speech.
"You must write to me, Catherine," she cried; "you must let me hear from you as soon as possible. Till I know you to be safe at home, I shall not have an hour's comfort. For one letter, at all risks, all hazards, I must entreat. Let me have the satisfaction of knowing that you are safe at Fullerton, and have found your family well, and then, till I can ask for your correspondence as I ought to do, I will not expect more. Direct to me at Lord Longtown's, and, I must ask it, under cover to Alice."
"No, Eleanor, if you are not allowed to receive a letter from me, I am sure I had better not write. There can be no doubt of my getting home safe."
Eleanor only replied, "I cannot wonder at your feelings. I will not importune you. I will trust to your own kindness of heart when I am at a distance from you." But this, with the look of sorrow accompanying it, was enough to melt Catherine's pride in a moment, and she instantly said, "Oh, Eleanor, I will write to you indeed."
There was yet another point which Miss Tilney was anxious to settle, though somewhat embarrassed in speaking of. It had occurred to her that after so long an absence from home, Catherine might not be provided with money enough for the expenses of her journey, and, upon suggesting it to her with most affectionate offers of accommodation, it proved to be exactly the case. Catherine had never thought on the subject till that moment, but, upon examining her purse, was convinced that but for this kindness of her friend, she might have been turned from the house without even the means of getting home; and the distress in which she must have been thereby involved filling the minds of both, scarcely another word was said by either during the time of their remaining together. Short, however, was that time. The carriage was soon announced to be ready; and Catherine, instantly rising, a long and affectionate embrace supplied the place of language in bidding each other adieu; and, as they entered the hall, unable to leave the house without some mention of one whose name had not yet been spoken by either, she paused a moment, and with quivering lips just made it intelligible that she left "her kind remembrance for her absent friend." But with this approach to his name ended all possibility of restraining her feelings; and, hiding her face as well as she could with her handkerchief, she darted across the hall, jumped into the chaise, and in a moment was driven from the door.
此后不久,将军因为有事不得不去伦敦一个星期。临走的时候,他情恳意切地表示:哪怕需要离开莫兰小姐一个钟头,他也要深感遗憾。他还殷切地嘱托他的孩子们,要他们在他走后,把照料莫兰小姐的舒适和娱乐当作主要任务。他的离别使凯瑟琳第一次体验到这佯一个信念:事情有时有失也有得。现在,他们的时间过得十分快活,无论做什么事都是自觉自愿的,每逢想笑就纵情大笑,每次吃饭都很轻松愉快,想到哪儿散步随时都可以去,自己掌握着自己的时间、快乐和疲倦,因此她彻底认识到将军在家时束缚了他们,无比欣慰地感到现在得到了解脱。这些安适和乐趣使她一天比一天喜欢这个地方,喜欢这里的人们。要不是因为发愁不久就要离开埃丽诺,要不是因为担心亨利不像自己爱他那样爱自己,她每天都会时时刻刻感到万分幸福。但是现在已是她来做客的第四周了。不等将军回来,这第四周就要过去了,若是继续呆下去,岂不像是赖着不走。每次想到这儿,她就感到很痛苦。因为一心急着想甩掉这个精神负担,便打定主意马上跟埃丽话谈谈这件事,先提出来要走,探探她的口气再见机行事。 她知道这种不愉快的事清拖得越久就越难开口,于是抓住第一次突然和埃丽诺单独在一起的机会,趁埃丽诺讲别的事情正讲到一半的时候,启口说她不久就要回去了。埃丽诺脸上和嘴上都表示十分关切。她本来希望凯瑟琳会和她在一起呆得长久一些——也许因为心里有这样的愿望,她便误以为凯瑟琳答应要多住些日子。埃丽诺相信,莫兰夫妇要是知道女儿住在这里给她带来多大快乐的话,定会十分慷慨,并不急着催女儿回去。凯瑟琳解释说:“哦,这个吗,爸爸妈妈倒是并不着急。只要我能高兴.他们总会放心的。” “那我要问了,你自己为什么这样急着走呢?” “哦!因为我在这儿住得太久了。” “得了,你要是说出这样的话,我就不能再强留了。你要是觉得已经呆得太久——” “哦,不!我决没有这个意思。要是光顾自己快活,我真可以和你一起再住四个星期。”两人当下商定,凯瑟琳要是不再住满四个星期,走的事连想也不要想。高高兴兴地铲除了不安的根源,另外一件事也就不那么让她担心了。埃丽诺挽留她的时候,态度和善而诚恳,亨利一听说她决定不走了,脸上顿时喜形于色,这都说明他们非常器重她,,这使她心里仅仅剩下了一点点忧虑,而缺了这一点点忧虑,人的心里还会感到不舒服呢。她几乎总是相信亨利爱她,而且总是相信他的父亲和妹妹也很爱她,甚至希望她成为他们家的人。既然有这样的信念,再去怀疑和不安就只能是无事生忧。 亨利无法尊从父亲的命令,在他去伦敦期间,始终呆在诺桑觉寺,以便照顾两位小姐。原来,他在伍德斯顿的副牧师找他有事,不得不离开两天,便于星期六走了。现在缺了他跟将军在家时缺了他可不一样,两位小姐虽说少了几分乐趣,但却仍然感到十分安适。两人爱好一致,越来越亲密,觉得暂时只有她们两个也很好了,亨利走的那天,她们直到十一点才离开晚餐厅,这在诺桑觉寺算是相当晚了。她们刚刚走到楼梯顶上,似乎隔着厚厚的墙壁听见有马车驶到门口的声音,转眼间文传来响亮的门铃声,证实她们没有听错。埃丽诺惶恐不安地喊了声“天哪!出了什么事?”之后,立刻断定来人是她大哥。他虽说没有这么晚回来过,但常常十分突然。因此,埃丽诺连忙下楼去接他。 凯瑟琳朝自己的卧房走去,她好不容易下定决心,要进一步结识蒂尔尼上尉。她因为对蒂尔尼上尉的所作所为印象不好,同时觉得像他这样时髦的绅士是瞧不起她的,但是,使她聊以自慰的是,他们相见时那些会使她感到万分痛苦的情况,至少已不复存在。她相信他决不会提到索普小姐,再说蒂尔尼上尉现在对自己过去扮演的角色一定会感到很惭愧,因此这种危险肯定是不会有的。她觉得只要避而不提巴思的情景,她就能对他客客气气的。时间就在这般思索中过去了。埃丽诺如此高兴地去见她大哥,有这么多话跟他说,一定是很喜欢他,因为他已经来了快半个钟头,还不见埃丽诺上楼。 正在此刻,凯瑟琳觉得自己听见走廊里有埃丽诺的脚步声,她仔细听下去,不想又阖然无声了。她刚想断定那是自己的错觉,忽听得有什么东西向她门口移近,把她吓了一跳。似乎有人在摸她的门,转瞬间,门锁轻轻动了一动,证明有人想把它打开。一想到有人偷偷摸摸地走来,她真有点不寒而栗。但是她决意不再让那些区区小事吓倒,也不再受想人非非的驱使,她悄悄走上前去,一把将门打开。埃丽诺,而且只有埃丽诺,站在那儿。但是凯瑟 琳仅仅平静了一霎那,因为埃丽诺双颊苍白,神情局促不安。她分明想进来,但似乎又很费劲,进门以后,说起话来似乎更加费劲。凯瑟琳以为她是为了蒂尔尼上尉而感到有些不安,所以只能默默然地对她表示关注。她逼着她坐下来,用薰衣草香水擦着她的鬓角,带着亲切关注的神情俯身望着她。“亲爱的凯瑟琳,你不必——你的确不必——”埃丽诺这才连着说出几个字来。“我很好。你这样体贴我,真叫心乱。我受不了啦。我来找你没有好事。” “有事!找我!” “我怎么跟你说呢?唉!我怎么跟你说呢?” 凯瑟琳脑子里突然生起一个新的念头,她唰的一下,脸色变得和她朋友的一样苍白,然后喊道;“是伍德斯顿有人送信来了!” “这你可说错了,”佳丽诺答道,一面带着无限同情的目光望着她“不是伍德斯顿来人了,而是我父亲回来了。”她提到她父亲的名字时,声音颤抖着,眼睛垂视着地面。他的突热回来本身已经够使凯瑟琳颓丧的了,有好半晌,几乎认为不可能还有比这更糟糕的消息。她没有作声。埃丽诺尽力镇静了一下,以便把话说得坚决一些。不久她又继续说下去,眼睛仍然垂视着。“我知道你是个厚道人,不会因为我迫不得已干这样的事而瞧不起我。我实在不愿意做这样的传声筒。我们最近才商量过,而且已经谈妥你将像我希望的那样在这儿多住几个星期,这使我多么高兴,多么庆幸啊!我怎么能跟你说有人不能接受你的好意?你和我们在一起给我们带来了那么多快乐,不想得到的报答却是——可我实在说不出口。亲爱的凯瑟琳,我们要分手了。我父亲想起一个约会,星期一我们全家都走。我们要到赫里福德附近的朗敦勋爵家住两个星期。这件事没法向你解释和道歉。我也不能这么做。” “亲爱的埃丽诺,”凯瑟琳嚷道,竭力抑制住自己的感情,“别这么难过。约会吗,后订的应该服从先订的。当然,我们这样快,这样突然地就要分手,这使我感到非常难过。但是我并不生气,真不生气。你知道我随时都可以离开这里。我希望你能去我家。你从这位勋爵家回来以后,能到富勒顿来吗?” “这由不得我,凯瑟琳。” “那你什么时候能来就来吧。” 埃丽诺没有作答。凯瑟琳想起自己更加直接感兴趣的事倩,便自言自语地说道:“星期一,这么快。你们全走!那么、我相信----不过,我还能赶得上告别。你知道,我可以只比你们早走一步。别难过,埃丽诺。我完全可以星期一走。我父母亲事先不知道我要回去也没关系。将军一定会派仆人把我送到半路的。我很快就会到达索尔兹伯里。从那儿到家只有九英里。” “唉,凯瑟琳!假若真是这么定的,倒还多少说得过去一点,虽然对你照顾不周,使你受到了亏待。可是;我怎么跟你说呢?已经决定让你明天早晨离开我们,就连钟点都不由你选择。马车已经订好了,七点钟就到这儿。而且也不派仆人送你。” 凯瑟琳给惊呆了,默默无语地坐了下来。“刚才听到这项决定,我简直不敢相信自己的耳朵。不管你此刻理所当然地有多么不高兴、多么气忿,你也不可能比我----不过我不该谈论我的感情。哦,但愿我能为你提出点情有可原的饰词!天哪!你父亲会怎么说呢?是我们让你离开真正的朋友的关照,结果落到这步田地,离家几乎比原来远上一倍,还要不近人情,不顾礼貌地把你赶出去!亲爱的,亲爱的凯瑟琳,我传达了这个命令,觉得就像是我自己侮辱了你。然而我相信你会原谅我的,因为你在我们家住了不少时候,能看出我只不过是名义上的主妇,压根儿没有实权。” “我是不是惹将军生气了?”凯瑟琳声音颤抖地说。 “哎!我凭着做女儿的感情可以知道,可以担保,他没有正当的理由生你的气。他当然是极端地心烦意乱,我很少见他有比现在更烦躁的。他脾气不好,现在又出了件事把他气恼到如此少见的地步。他有点失望,有点烦恼,他眼下似乎把这事看得很重。但是我怎么也想象不出这与你有什么关系,因为这怎么可能呢?” 凯瑟琳痛苦得很难说话了,只是看在埃丽诺的份上,她才勉强说了几句。“真的,”她说,“假若我冒犯了他,我将感到十分抱歉。我决不会有意这样做的。不过你别难过,埃丽诺。你知道,既然约好了就应该去的。唯一遗憾的是没早点想起这件事,否则我可以给家里写封信。不过这也没有多大关系。” “我希望,我诚挚地希望这影响不到你的人身安全。但是在其他各个方面,诸如舒适、面子和礼仪方面,你的家人和世人方面,却有极大关系。假如你的朋友艾伦夫妇仍然呆在巴恩,你去找他们还比较容易些,几个钟头就能到了。可你要坐着驿车走七十英里啊,这么小的年纪。还孤零零地没人陪着!” “哦!这点路算不了什么。别为这个费脑筋了。再说我们反正要分手,早几个钟头晚几个钟头不是一样吗?我能在七点以前准备好。按时叫我吧。”.埃丽诺看出她想一个人清静一会。她相信再谈下去对两人都没好处,便说了声“明天早晨见”,走出了房去。 凯瑟琳满肚子的委屈需要发泄。埃丽诺在的时候。友谊和自尊遏制住了她的泪水,但是埃丽诺一走,她的眼泪像泉水似地涌了出来。让人家给赶出来了,而且以这种方式!用这样急促、这样粗暴。甚至这样蛮横的态度对待她,没有任何正当理由,也不表示任何歉意。亨利远在别处,甚至都不能跟他告个别。对他的一切希望,一切期待,至少要暂时搁置起来,谁知道要搁置多久呢?谁知道他们什么时候才能再见面呢?蒂尔尼将军本来是那样彬彬有礼,那样教养有素,一直是那样宠爱她,谁想他会干出这种事!真是让人既伤心,又无法理解。事情究竟是怎么引起来的,结果又会怎么样,这两个问题真让人困惑和害怕。这件事做得实在太不客气,既不考虑她的方便,也不给她面子让她自己选择何时上路、如何走法,就匆匆忙忙地撵她走。本来有两天的时间,偏偏给她定了第一天,而第一天又定了个一大早,好像决意让她在将军起身以前离开,省得再与她见面。这样做是什么意思,不是存心要侮辱她吗?也不知道为什么,她一定是不幸地得罪了他。埃丽诺不愿让她产生如此痛苦的念头,可是凯瑟琳认为,将军不管遇到什么烦恼和不幸,假如事情与她没有关系,或者至少别人认为与她没有关系,那将军也不会如此迁怒于她呀。 这一夜真难熬。睡眠,或者称得上睡眠的休息是不可能了。刚来的时候,她在这屋里因为胡思乱想而受尽了折磨,现在她又在这屋里忐忑不安地辗转反侧。然而,这次不安的原因与当初是大不相同的,无论在现实上还是在实质上,这次都比上次更令人伤心!她的不安是有事实根据的,她的忧虑也是建立在可能的基础上。她因为满脑子都在想着这些真实而自然的恶劣行径,所以对她那孤单的处境、对那漆黑的屋子,和那古老的建筑,也就完全无动于衷了。虽然风很大,刮得楼里常常发出些奇怪而意外的响声,然而她听见这些响声并不感到好奇或害怕,她只是清醒地躺在那儿,一个钟头一个钟头地挨下去。 刚过六点钟,埃丽诺便来到她房里,急切地想表示表示关心,如有必要还可帮帮忙。可惜要做的事情己经不多了。凯瑟琳没有偷闲,她差不多已经穿着好了,东西也快打点完了。埃丽诺进屋的时候,她突然想至将军可能是派她来和解的。人的火气一过,接着就要后悔,还有什么比这更自然的?她只想知道,发生了这些不虞之后,她要怎样接受对方的道歉才能不失尊严。但是她即使有了这种知识,在这里也没有用,而且也不需要。她既不能表示宽怀大度,又不能显示尊严。原来,埃丽诺不是来传话的。两人见面后没说什么话。双方都觉得不开口是保险,因此在楼上只说了几句无关紧要的话。凯瑟琳急急忙忙地穿好衣服,埃丽诺虽然没有经验,但是出于一番好意,正在专心致志地装箱子。一切整顿好之后,两人便走出屋子,凯瑟琳只比她的朋友晚出来半分钟,把自己所熟悉、所喜欢的东西最后又看了一眼,随即便下楼来到早餐厅,早饭已经准备好了。她勉强吃着饭,一方面省得痛苦地听别人劝她,另一方面也好安慰一下她的朋友。无奈她又吃不下,总共没有咽下几口。拿今天和昨天她在这屋里所吃的两顿早饭一对比,不觉又给她带来了新的痛苦,使她越发厌恶眼前的一切。上次在这里吃早饭过了还不到二十四小时,可是情形是多么迥然不同啊!当时她心里多么快活,多么坦然,多么幸福,多么保险[尽管这是虚假的保险]!眼睛望着四周,真是看见什么喜欢什么,除了亨利要到伍德斯顿去—天以外,她对未来无忧无虑!多么愉快的早餐啊!因为当时亨利也在场,坐在她旁边,还给她布过菜。她久久地沉湎于这些回忆之中,一直没有受到同伴的打扰,因为埃丽诺像她一样,也一言不发地坐在那儿沉思。马车来了才把她们惊醒,使她们回到了现实中来。凯瑟琳一看见马车,顿时涨红了脸。她所受的侮辱此刻真使她心如刀绞,一时间她只感到十分气忿。看来,埃丽诺现在实在迫不得已,下定决心要说话了。 “你一定要给我写信,凯瑟琳,”她喊道,“你一定要尽快给我来封信。不接到你平安到家的消息,我一时一刻也放不下心。我求你无论如何也要来一封信。让我高兴地知道,你已经平安回到富勒顿,发现家里人都好。我会要求和你通信的,在获许之前我只期望你来一封信,把信寄到朗敦勋爵家,务请写上艾丽斯收。” “不,埃丽诺、如果不许你收我的信,我想我还是不写为好。我一定会平安到家的。” 埃丽诺只是答道:“你的心情我并不奇怪。我也不便强求你。当我远离着你时,我相信你会发发善心的。”不想就这几句话,以及说话人的那副忧伤神气,使得凯瑟琳的自尊心顿时软了下来,只听她马上说道:“唉!埃丽诺,我一定给你写信。” 蒂尔尼小姐还有一件事急于解决,虽然有点不好意思开口。她想凯瑟琳离家这么久了,身上的钱可能不够路上花的,于是便提醒了她一句,并且十分亲切地要借钱给她,结果事情正和她料想的一样。直到此刻,凯瑟琳始终没有想过这个问题,现在一查钱包,发现若不是朋友好意关照,她被赶出去以后连回家的钱都没有了。临别前,她们几乎没再多说一句话,两人心里只在想着假若路上没钱可能遇到什么麻烦。不过,这段时间好在很短。仆人马上报告说,马车备好了。凯瑟琳当即立起身,两人用长时间的热烈拥抱,代替了告别的话语。她们走进门厅的时候,凯瑟琳觉得她们两人还一直没有说起一个人的名字,她不能一声不提就走掉,于是便停下脚步,嘴里哆哆嗦嗦地、让人勉强能听得懂地说道:请她“代向不在家的朋友问好”。不想还没提及他的名字,她再也压抑不住自己的感情了。她使劲用手绢蒙住脸,一溜烟地穿过门厅,跳上马车,马车转眼驶出了大门。 |
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