 生活大爆炸是一部极好的美剧，兼具科学性与趣味性，网上可以在线看，看的时候少看字幕，多用耳朵去听。 下面是1-3季的剧本和解析，很有参考价值。 |
[ 此帖被半世癫在2014-08-19 01:19重新编辑 ]
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第三季第23集
搞定 激光接上电源了
Ok,we've got the power to the laser.
我应该带把伞来的
I should've brought an umbrella.
作甚啊 又不会下雨
What for? It's not gonna rain.
我知道
I know that.
但我如此白嫩的肌肤还是有可能被月光灼伤的
But with skin as fair as mine,moon burn is real possibility.
这是个"逗你玩儿" 对吧
That's a "Bazinga," Right?
我的巅峰之作 你觉得呢
One of my best,don't you think?
霍华德 你要不要再检查一下
Howard,do you want to double-check
激光上的赤道仪装置
the equatorial mount on the laser?
我们得把它锁定到"宁静之海"上 [月面某部名称]
We need it locked onto the Sea of Tranquility.
没问题
You got it.
天 拉杰 别这样
Oh,Raj,no.
人们花了无数美元发明了英特网
Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet
并在上面发了无数艳照
and filling it with pictures of naked women,
就是为了让我们不需要通过窗户来偷窥啊
so we don't have to peep through windows.
我才没有呢
It's not like that.
我只不过在看别人的电视而已
I'm watching someone's TV.
正在播《傲骨贤妻》呢
The Good Wife is on.
告诉你 这就是我的新《实习医生格蕾》
I tell you,this is my new Grey's Anatomy.
莱纳德 莱纳德
Leonard,Leonard.
那是啥 那是啥
What is that? What is that?
别紧张 不就是只脏袜子嘛
Relax,it's just a dirty sock.
你怎么可以如此淡定的把
How on earth can you say
"脏袜子"和"别紧张"放在同一句话里
"Dirty sock" And "Relax" In the same sentence?
谢尔顿 这个世界上到处都有被遗弃的脏袜子
Sheldon,the world is filled with dirty discarded socks.
我的世界可没有
Not my world.
嘿 你们知道谁会非常想看这个实验吗 佩妮
Hey,you know who'd really dig seeing this experiment? Penny.
我怎么不知道她喜欢月面搜索呢
I wasn't aware that lunar ranging was her thing.
尽管我可以确定尼尔•阿姆斯特朗留在月球上的
Although,I suppose the retro-reflector left on the moon
回复反射器的确符合了亮晶晶的标准
by Neil Armstrong does qualify as a shiny object.
那你怎么不叫她上来
Why don't you ask her to come up?
不知道 自从那之后就有点怪怪的
I don't know,it's still a little weird since,you know...
-她甩了你吗 -她没有甩了我
- She dumped you? - She didn't dump me.
我们只不过在这段关系中处在不同方位罢了
We were just in different places in the relationship.
我不明白为什么一段情缘
I fail to see how a relationship
还能有地理位置的特性
can have the qualities of a geographic location.
唔 这很简单
Oh,it's very simple.
莱纳德住在一个叫做"请别离开"的小镇里
Leonard was living in a little town called "Please don't leave me"
而佩妮则刚搬到了一个叫"拜拜"的小岛上
while Penny had just moved to the island of "Buh-bye."
去你丫的
Screw you guys.
我去看看她在不在家
I'm gonna go see if she's home.
如果方便的话
If it's not too much trouble,
我想把望远镜瞄准月球了
I'd like to point this at the moon now.
且慢
Wait a second.
好老婆正哭呢
The good wife is crying.
出大问题了
Something's very wrong.
嘿 怎么了
Oh,hi. What's going on?
我们在屋顶上尝试从月球将激光射回来呢
We're up on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon.
抱歉 什么
I'm sorry,what?
很酷的哦
It's pretty cool.
我们准备了直径两米的反射器和其他仪器
We've got a two-meter parabolic reflector and everything.
我觉得你可能会想来看看
I thought you might want to see it.
这完全说不通啊
That makes no sense.
你怎么可能从月球上弹射东西
How can you bounce stuff off the moon?
那儿可没有重力
There's no gravity.
呃 莱纳德
Uh,Leonard,
-这是扎克 扎克 这是莱纳德 -嘿
- This is Zack. Zack,Leonard. - Hey.
抱歉 我不知道你们正忙呢 或许下次吧
Oh,sorry,I didn't know you were busy. Maybe another time.
嗯 或许吧
Yeah,maybe.
嗨 我想看看这个激光
Hey,I want to see this laser thing.
但那个派对怎么办
Oh,but what about the party?
只不过是个惊喜派对而已 什么时候到完全没所谓
It's a surprise party-- doesn't matter when we get there.
那倒是
Right.
那好吧 上来吧
Okay,well,yeah,come on up.
你们是如何认识的呢
So,how'd you guys meet?
我的公司为芝士工厂设计菜单
My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory.
你的公司
Your company?
事实上是我爸的 但我和我妹妹是副总
Well,my dad. But me and my sister are VPs.
呃 菜单啊
So... menus.
听起来貌似简单 但在设计当中
I know it sounds easy,but there's a lot of science
是包含了不少科学知识的
that goes into designing them.
开心了吧
Happy now?
我把脏袜子丢开了
I'm moving the dirty sock.
谢谢
Thank you.
拉杰 时刻注意另外一只
Raj,keep an eye out for the other one.
各位 这是我朋友扎克
Hey,guys,this is my friend Zack.
-你好扎克 -哇哦
- Hello. Zack. - Whoa!
这就是那激光吗
Is that the laser?
太他妈帅了
It's bitchin'.
没错
Yes.
1917年 当爱因斯坦在他的文章
In 1917,when Albert Einstein established
《关于辐射的量子理论中》阐述了
the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper
激光的理论基础时 他最诚挚的希望
"Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung," His fondest hope
就是最终的仪器要很他妈的帅
was that the resultant device be bitchin'.
唔 那任务达成了
Well,mission accomplished.
让我来解释一下我们在做什么
Let me explain what we're doing here.
1969年 阿波罗11号上的宇航员
Um,in 1969,the astronauts on Apollo 11
在月面安置了数个反射器
positioned reflectors on the surface of the moon,
而我们则要发射激光
and we're going to shoot a laser off
到其中的一个上面并反射回来
one of them and let the light bounce back
到这个光电倍增器上
into this photomultiplier.
哇 那很酷啊
Oh! That's very cool.
只有一个问题
One question.
你怎么确定它不会爆炸
How can you be sure it won't blow up?
激光吗
The laser?
月球
The moon.
看 这才是配得上佩妮的男人
See,now this is a man for Penny.
问得好 扎克
That's a great question,Zack.
才不是呢
No,it's not.
谢尔顿
Sheldon!
要友好
Play nice.
问得不好
It's not a great question.
怎么能有人觉得
How could somebody possibly think
我们会炸掉月球
we're going to blow up the moon?
这才叫问得好
That's a great question.
不用担心月球
Don't worry about the moon.
我们把激光调弱了
We-We set our laser to stun.
聪明
Smart.
发射时我们能看到光束
Now,we'll be able to see the beam when it leaves,
但返回时的光束减弱
but it won't be strong enough when it comes back
裸眼看不到
to be seen by the naked eye.
裸
Naked.
是很搞笑
Right. Uh... funny.
那个装置能测量返回的光子
Uh,that device,there,will measure the photons that return
我们能在电脑上看到
and let us see it on this computer.
拉杰 给他们眼镜
Raj,get them some glasses.
酷 还有三维效果
Cool,it's gonna be in 3-D?
准备向月球发射激光
Preparing to fire laser at the moon.
开始吧
Make it so.
有了 看到峰值了
There it is. There's the spike!
返回时间2.5秒
2.5 seconds for the light to return.
是月球 我们击中月球了
That's the moon! We hit the moon!
这就是你们的大实验
That's your big experiment?
搞这么多就为了屏幕上的一条线
All that for a line on the screen?
话虽如此
Yeah,but,uh,
想想这代表着什么
think about what this represents.
我们的实验是唯一
The fact that we can do this is the only way
能证明月球上有人造物体的实验
of definitively proving that there are man-made objects
这个物体是60年前刚发明飞机的
on the moon,put there by a member of a species
种族中一员放上去的
that only 60 years before had just invented the airplane.
那是什么种族啊
What species is that?
我错了
I was wrong.
佩妮能找更好的
Penny can do better.
-好了 谢谢各位 很有意思 -谢谢
- Okay,guys,thank you,it's been fun. - Yeah,thanks.
-能请他们参加派对吗 -不行 只管走
- Should we invite them to the party? - No,just keep walking.
他肯定交媾技能很强
He must be very skilled at coitus.
告诉你 唯一能让你
I'm telling you,dude,the only way
接受佩妮结交新欢的办法
to feel better about Penny going out with other guys
就是再奸再厉
is for you to get back on the whores.
接
Horse.
什么
What?
那个词是"再接再厉"
The phrase is "Get back on the horse,"
不是"奸"
not "Whores."
老兄 你真恶心
That's disgusting,dude.
不是
No,it's not...
算了
Never mind.
不过他说得对
He is right,though.
你愿意的话 我可以给你介绍
If you want,I can turn you on to this great new
-我找到的新交友网 -不了 谢谢
- dating site I found. - No,thanks.
你确定 上面说能给任何人牵红线
You sure? They say they can find a match for anybody.
他们给你牵了吗
Have they found a match for you?
多着呢 上个月就有八个呢
Tons. I've had,like,eight dates in the last month.
如果算上见我就闪的 有12个呢
And 12 if you count the ones who showed up and left.
我无法搬氮气罐下来
I can't bring the nitrogen tank down.
-为什么 -我重申一遍
- Why not? - All right,let me restate that.
它很重 我不想搬
It's very heavy,and I don't want to.
我去搬吧
I'll help you.
谢谢
Thank you.
用膝盖 别用背
Lift with your knees,not your back.
晚安
Good night.
知道什么才好玩吗
You know what would be fun?
帮谢尔顿申请网上交友
Signing Sheldon up for online dating.
算了吧
Yeah,right.
不 想一想
No,think about it.
我们当实验做
We make it an experiment.
就像寂寞的科学怪人
Like when Frankenstein's monster
找了个老婆
was lonely and he found a wife.
他没有找老婆
He didn't find a wife.
而是用死尸器官造了个老婆
They built him a wife out of dead body parts.
那可以作为后备计划
Okay,we'll call that plan B.
来了
Coming!
你个该死的混蛋
Damn you,you rat bastard.
你醉啦
Are you drunk?
扎克是个绝好男友 你把他毁了
Zack was a perfectly nice guy,and then you ruined him!
我怎么把他毁了
How did I ruin him?
因为以前
'Cause in the olden days,
我绝不会觉得他傻
I never would've known he was so stupid.
拜托 他没那么傻
Come on,he wasn't that stupid.
不 他是傻
Yes,he was!
他觉得你们会炸掉月球
He thought you were gonna blow up the moon!
对 他确实很傻
Okay,yeah,he's stupid.
他一整晚都在吹嘘
He spent the entire night bragging
自己怎么造出"阑胃菜"这个词
about how he invented the word "Appe-teasers."
这不是我的错吧
How is that my fault?
你毁了我容忍傻逼的能力
You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots.
现在跟我走
Now,come with me.
去哪
Wh-Where are we going?
我们去做爱
We're gonna have sex.
为啥 不过我没意见
Why? I mean,okay.
怎么回事
What's going on?
把你的降噪耳机戴上
Put on your noise-canceling headphones,
这边会很吵的
'cause it's gonna get loud.
怎么又来了
Oh! Not this again.
这怎么可能是少果肉呢
In what universe is this low-pulp?
早啊 佩妮
Good morning,Penny.
你后脑勺长眼睛了吗
What,do you have eyes in the back of your head?
隔天就在学校挨揍的某人
When one gets beaten up every other day in school,
必然会进化出更敏锐的听觉
one of necessity develops a keen sense of hearing.
而且 在学校挨揍的某人
Incidentally,one can get beaten up in school
通常都把自己称为"某人"
simply by referring to oneself as "One."
我准备做英式松饼
I'm making English muffins.
你想吃吗
Would you like an English muffin?
-不了 我不饿 -另外
- Oh,thanks,I'm not hungry. - FYI,
昨晚证明我的降噪耳机无效
my noise-canceling headphones proved ineffective last night.
不好意思
Yeah,sorry about that.
作为本土德州人 我得说"驾"这个词
As a native Texan,I must say I've never heard the phrase "Yee-haw"
在交媾中很少用到
used in quite that context.
天呐
Oh,God.
天呐
"Oh,God."
这个我倒是听过很多次
That I've heard on multiple occasions.
这算哪门子"微"烤
In what universe is that lightly toasted?
今天真是我一生之中最扯淡的一天
This has to be the worst day of my life.
早啊 莱纳德
Good morning,Leonard.
我告诉过你多少次了不要那么做
How many times have I asked you not to do that?
算上这次吗 317次
Counting this instance? 317.
佩妮呢
Where's Penny?
她回她家去了
She returned to her apartment.
我猜应该是去洗澡加呕吐了
I presume to shower and vomit.
顺序不一定是按这个
Not necessarily in that order.
她为啥都没道别一下呢
I wonder why she didn't say good-bye.
你是在叫我解释一下人类行为吗
Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behavior?
难为你了 我只是觉得
I know. I just thought as an outsider,
当局者迷 旁观者清嘛
you might be able to provide a fresh perspective.
我相信你个小东西绝对不是黄油
I have no difficulty believing you're not butter.
-嘿 -嗨
- Oh,hey. - Oh,hi.
我得赶紧走了 早班
Um,I gotta run. Early shift.
好啊 我和你一起下楼
Okay,I'll walk down with you.
昨晚挺有意思的 对吧
So,last night was fun,huh?
那必须的
Yeah,it must have been.
我刚吐在我壁橱里了
I just threw up in my closet.
杯具啊
Bummer.
我在想啊 咱俩今晚
Anyway,I was thinking tonight maybe
去看场电影如何
we could catch a movie.
今晚我不太方便
Oh,yeah,tonight's not great for me.
不一定是今天晚上
Doesn't have to be tonight.
我差不多啥时候都有空
I'm free pretty much always.
莱纳德 昨晚那件事是个错误
Leonard,last night was a mistake.
你说"错误" 是塞翁失马那种吗
When you say "Mistake," Do you mean a fortunate mistake,
就比如发现青霉素
like the discovery of penicillin?
我很抱歉
Look,I'm sorry.
我喝高了 很寂寞 我讨厌扎克
I was drunk,I was lonely,I hated Zack.
咱俩就当没发生过好吗
Can we just forget it ever happened?
不行 整件事几乎已经刻在我脑子里了
No,it's pretty well imprinted on my brain.
特别是骑术表演那部分
Especially the whole rodeo thing.
老天
Oh,God!
就这样啊
So,that's it?
提上裤子就不认人啦
Wham,bam,thank you,Leonard?
我都道歉了 你就别纠结这事儿了行吗
Look,I said I'm sorry. Can't you please let it go?
你说的倒轻松啊
How am I supposed to let it go?
你居然把我当泄欲对象
You used me for sex!
早安 冈德森太太
Morning,Mrs. Gunderson.
早啊 莱纳德
Good morning,Leonard.
或者我该说 "咦哈"
Or should I say "Yee-haw"?
-我靠 -怎么了
- Holy crap. - What?
我们终于证实了人类之中藏有外星人
We finally have proof that aliens walk among us.
你说啥
Excuse me?
这个约会网站找到了个适合谢尔顿的女人
The dating site matched a woman with Sheldon.
不可能吧
You're kidding.
一个实实在在的女人
An actual woman?
你看 胸部 该有的都有
Yeah,look. Breasts and everything.
相信我 有胸的不一定就是女人
Trust me,breasts doesn't necessarily mean woman.
-啥时候有这么一说 -我回头给你看张
- Since when? - I'll show you a picture
我路易叔叔穿泳装的照片
of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime.
莱纳德 快来看啊
Leonard,you gotta see this.
我们居然找到适合谢尔顿的姑娘了
We found a match for Sheldon.
很好
Great.
说不定她会跟他上床 然后第二天一早
Maybe she can have sex with him,and then walk out on him
连个招呼都不打就闪人
the next morning without so much as a "How do you do?"
你知道他说啥呢吗
Do you know what he's talking about?
不知道 你问问呗
Nope. Why don't you ask him?
莱纳德 你说啥呢
Leonard,what are you talking about?
我不想谈这个
I don't want to talk about it.
瞧你出的这馊主意
That was a lousy suggestion.
随便啦 现在
Whatever. Right now,
谢尔顿•库珀博士要给他的真命天女
Dr. Sheldon Cooper has to send an e-mail
发封邮件
to his perfect match.
"您好 同类生物"
"Greetings,fellow life-form..."
她能做到 那我也能 她能做到 那我也能
If she can do it,I can do it. If she can do it,I can do it.
她能做到 那我也能
If she can do it,I can do it.
我无能了
I can't do it.
-谁啊 -你好
- Hello? - Oh,hi. Hey.
你好啊 莱斯利
Hi,Leslie.
莱纳德•霍夫斯塔德 有何贵干
Leonard Hofstadter. What're you doing here?
是啊 咱俩好久没见了
Uh,I know! It's been a while!
对啊 18个月
Yeah,18 months.
是啊 是啊
Right. Right.
你怎么样啊
So how you doing?
挺好的 你呢
Fine. You?
不错
Uh,not bad.
你还记得之前咱俩上床
You remember when we used to have sex
你说这事儿没什么实际意义 只是为了娱乐
and you said that it didn't mean anything,it was just for fun?
是啊
Yeah.
你想再来一次吗
You,uh,want to do that again?
怎么了 金发美女把你甩了
What happened? Blondie dumped you?
不是她甩我
She didn't dump me.
我俩处在一段关系里的不同位置
We were just in different places in the relationship.
是嘛
Right.
随便了 显然呢
Um... anyway,apparently,
找个好久不见的人然后俩人
it's okay to go back to people you're no longer seeing
娱乐性地打一炮也没啥不好的吧
and have recreational sex with them.
你觉得如何
So,what do you say?
我考虑下哈
Let me think about it.
她不会再开门了
She's not coming back.
她想见我们
She wants to meet us.
不是我们 是他
Not us. Him.
是啊 可是他根本不认识她
Yes,but him doesn't even know about her.
哎呀 他会认识她的
Well,him about to find out about her.
真的吗 我们要告诉他吗
Really? Us gonna tell him?
谁要告诉谁什么
Who's going to tell whom about what?
谢尔顿
Sheldon.
嗨
Hey. Hi.
你们这么惊讶让我很困惑
Your surprise confuses me.
我住在这儿
I live here.
是啊
Right.
那个啥 明天下午你什么安排
So,listen,what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?
说的具体点
Be more specific.
四点半
4:30.
那不是下午
That's not afternoon.
那是傍晚
That's preevning.
什么
What?
是我发明的描述时间方式
It's a time of day I invented.
更好地定义了个模棱两可的时段
It better defines the ambiguous period
下午和晚上之间 就是傍晚
between afternoon and evening: preevning.
我确信因为急需精确描述 这词定会广为流传
I'm fairly certain it will catch on as it fills a desperate need.
好吧
Right,okay.
那你明天傍晚准备做什么
What are you doing tomorrow preevning?
明天是周六
Well,tomorrow's Saturday.
周六晚是洗衣夜
Saturday night is laundry night.
所以傍晚我会用来预分选衣物
So I'll be spending the preevning pre-sorting
并预浸湿
and pre-soaking.
如果我告诉你 明天4点半
Okay,what if I were to tell you,tomorrow,at 4:30,
你将遇到
you could meet a woman
科学挑选出来的 你的完美伴侣呢
who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate?
我会嘲讽地哼一声 无奈地摊开双手
I would snort in derision and throw my arms in the air,
疲于应付你们这种经常的无聊之举
exhausted by your constant tomfoolery.
但这是真的
But it's true.
我们把你所有重要信息上传到了交友网站
But we-we put all your vital information into this dating site,
学着你的方式回答了他们所有问题
answered all their questions just like you would,
他们找到了个跟你匹配的 她叫艾米•菲拉•福勒
and they found a match for you. Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler.
拜托
Please.
即使你们学得像我的回答
Even assuming you could answer any question the way I would,
这种红娘网站的算法 本身就是胡扯的
the algorithms used by matchmaking sites are complete hokum.
他们问到这个问题的时候 我们就是这么回答的
And that's exactly the answer we gave to the question:
你对在线交友持何态度
"What is your attitude towards online dating?"
霍华德想回答"毫无意义" 但我认为不是
Howard wanted to write "Mumbo jumbo," But I said no.
咱谢尔顿会回答"胡扯"
Our Sheldon would say "Hokum."
拜托 你的科学好奇心呢
Come on,where's your scientific curiosity?
大部分都用来探索宇宙的秘密了
Well,most of it is being applied to unraveling the secrets of the universe
剩下的则用来思考 我为何要跟你们聊这个了
while the rest of it's wondering why I'm having this conversation with you.
好吧 这么说吧
Okay,how about this.
即使史波克每七年也会约会一次的
Even Spock had a date once every seven years.
他那不是约会
He didn't date.
那是发情期到了
It was Pon Farr.
他因压抑的性欲而热血沸腾
His blood boiled with mating lust.
那你何不先喝上杯咖啡
Well,why-why don't you start with a cup of coffee,
晚点就可以跟艾米•菲拉•福勒发发情了
and you can Pon Farr Amy Farrah Fowler later.
我不喝咖啡的
I don't drink coffee.
好吧 那就喝杯热巧克力
All right,you can have a hot chocolate.
反正我不会去做这种无聊事 选什么饮料无关紧要
As I will not be engaging in this nonsense,my choice of beverage is moot.
但我正式说明下
But for the record,
我只在月份中带有R字母那月才喝热巧克力
I only drink hot chocolate in months with an "R" In them.
每年九月至次年四月 月份英文中都带有R字母
为什么
Why?
不为无益之事 何以遣有涯之生
What's life without whimsy?
好吧 我没辙了
Okay,I'm out.
谢尔顿 我把屋顶拿来的一只脏袜子
Sheldon,I've hidden the dirty sock from the roof
藏在你们公寓里了
somewhere in your apartment.
除非你愿意跟我们去见那女孩
Unless you are willing to come with us to meet this girl,
不然 它会永远藏在那
it will remain there forever.
你只是在吓唬我
You're bluffing.
你真愿意冒这个险吗
Are you willing to risk it?
诅咒你
Curse you.
30英尺
30 feet.
你好 莱纳德
Oh. Hey,Leonard.
我本是个完美的小个子剩男 快乐又书呆
I was a perfectly happy,geeky,little lonely guy,
是你毁了我
and you ruined me!
你喝醉了吗
Are you drunk?
拜托 我们上床吧 反正也是没有意义的
Come on. We're gonna have sex,and it's not gonna mean a thing!
你疯了吗
Are you out of your mind?!
我真的开始认为 这是双重标准了
I'm really starting to think there's a double standard here.
几分钟后
In a few minutes,
等我幸灾乐祸地冷眼旁观着本次相亲的失败
when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise,
你们更愿意我怎么做
how would you prefer I do it?
是标准答案 我早说过会这样
The standard "I told you so"?
还是经典的"哦也哦也"[表嘲讽]
The classic "Neener-neener"?
还是用我平常那副高傲嘲弄的表情
Or just my normal look of haughty derision?
现在还不能断定我们错了
You don't know we're wrong yet.
还是高傲嘲弄表情吧
Haughty derision it is.
打扰下
Excuse me.
我是艾米•菲拉•福勒 你是谢尔顿•库珀
I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. You're Sheldon Cooper.
你好 艾米•菲拉•福勒
Hello,Amy Farrah Fowler.
我很遗憾地告诉你 你上当了
I'm sorry to inform you that you have been taken in
被设计用来欺骗
by unsupportable mathematics
很傻很天真剩男剩女的无知算法骗了
designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely.
此外 我是被一只藏起来的脏袜子勒索了才来的
Additionally,I'm being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
那是俚语的话 我从没听说过
If that was slang,I'm unfamiliar with it.
要是字面意义的话 我跟你一样讨厌脏袜子
If it was literal,I share your aversion to soiled hosiery.
无论如何 我来这是因为答应了我妈
In any case,I'm here because my mother and I have agreed
每年至少约会一次
that I will date at least once a year.
有意思
Interesting.
我跟我妈在关于上教堂这点上 有过同样对话
My mother and I have the same agreement about church.
我并不反对神的概念
I don't object to the concept of a deity,
但实在不理解 上教堂还得点名
but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.
那你应该不会想去德州东部
Well,then you might want to avoid East Texas.
记住了
Noted.
相亲继续进行之前
Now,before this goes any further,
我先声明 所有身体接触
you should know that all forms of physical contact
包括但并不限于交媾 均不予讨论
up to and including coitus are off the table.
能请你喝杯饮料吗
May I buy you a beverage?
温水 谢谢
Tepid water,please.
天哪 瞧瞧我们干了什么
Good God,what have we done
[ 此帖被半世癫在2014-08-19 01:12重新编辑 ] -
第三季第22集
粉色指甲油
Okay,Babydoll Pink,
看看你能不能把我爸遗传的大脚遮小点
let's see if you can cover up the fact that I got my dad's feet.
谢尔顿 就两度
It's just two degrees,Sheldon.
我只想把恒温器调高两度
I just want to turn up the thermostat two degrees!
让我像你指出 两度
Let me point out that two degrees
可以是水和蒸汽的差异
can be the difference between water and steam.
我们又不是住在茶壶里
Yes,if we lived in a teakettle.
你在室友协议中同意了这个温度
This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement.
去你的室友协议
Aw,screw the roommate agreement!
不许你鄙视室友协议
No,you don't screw the roommate agreement.
室友协议鄙视你
The roommate agreement screws you.
跟你的恒温器下地狱去吧
You know what,go to hell and set their thermostat.
我根本不用下地狱
I don't have to go to hell.
调成73度 我已经在地狱了
At 73 degrees,I'm there already!
谁啊
Who is it?
莱纳德
Leonard.
等等
Hang on.
我今晚能睡你沙发上吗
Can I sleep on your couch tonight?
可以
Uh,well,you can try,
不过对门的人一直很吵
but the people across the hall are being very noisy.
你听到了吧
You heard that,huh?
显然 一个想调恒温器
Apparently,the one fella tried to adjust the thermostat,
另一个又发疯了
then the other fella went bat-crap crazy.
你也觉得他是疯子吧
So you agree,he's nuts.
没他的室友那么疯
Well,not as nuts as the guy who chooses to live with him.
信不信由你 我刚认识他时他更疯
Believe it or not,he was worse when I met him.
我才不信呢
Oh,I do not believe that.
你太傻太天真了
You are so naive.
就像七年前的我
Just like I was seven years ago.
我刚开始在大学工作
I'd just started at the university.
请问 谢尔顿•库珀家在哪
Excuse me,I'm looking for Sheldon Cooper's apartment.
你是来看房的吧
Oh,I bet you're here to check out the room for rent.
-对 -兄弟 快跑
- Yeah. - Run away,dude.
什么
What?!
跑快点 跑远点
Run fast,run far.
那应该是第一条线索
That should have been my first clue.
谢尔顿的前室友要你赶紧逃跑
So Sheldon's last roommate tried to warn you off?
我当时只觉得他是个疯子
For all I knew,he was the crazy one.
他的样子很像疯子
He had this really deranged look.
跟谢尔顿住能不疯吗
Well,yeah,he'd been living with Sheldon.
现在明白也太迟啦
Sure,it makes sense now.
接着 我上楼敲门
Anyway,I went upstairs and knocked on the door.
有事吗
Yeah?
你是库珀博士吗
Dr. Cooper?
你找的是对门的疯子
No,you want the crazy guy across the hall.
回想起来 那是第二条线索
In retrospect,that was clue number two.
有事吗
Yes?
我是莱纳德•霍夫斯塔德
I'm Leonard Hofstadter.
我打过电话想看房 你说...
I called you about the apartment. You said...
我知道我说了什么
I know what I said.
我也知道你说了什么
I know what you said.
我还知道我妈在1992年3月5日说了什么
I know what my mother said on March 5,1992.
第六惰性气体是什么
What is the sixth noble gas?
-什么 -你说你是科学家
- What? - You said you're a scientist.
第六惰性气体是什么
What is the sixth noble gas?
氡?
Uh,radon?
你是问我还是回答我
Are you asking me or telling me?
回答你?
Telling you?
回答你
Telling you.
好 下一个问题
All right,next question.
[星际迷航中初代和下一代进取号的舰长]
柯克还是皮卡尔
Kirk or Picard?
好难抉择
Oh,uh,well,that's tricky.
初代比下一代好看
Um,Original Series over Next Generation,
但皮卡尔比柯克强
but Picard over Kirk.
正确
Correct.
你已通过室友关系第一关
You've passed the first barrier to roommate-hood.
你可以进来了
You may enter.
挺宽敞的嘛
Oh,this is pretty nice.
卧室在里面吧
Uh,the bedrooms are back there?
这得看情况
That depends.
我不明白
I don't understand.
卧室的存在有条件的吗
Their existence is conditional?
不 但对你来说卧室的存在是有条件的
No,but your ability to perceive their existence is conditional
你要通过第二和第三关
on you passing the second and third barriers.
有三关啊
There's three?
一个比一个更具挑战性
Each more daunting than the last.
请坐
Have a seat.
好
Okay.
不 这是我的专座
No! That's where I sit!
有区别吗
What's the difference?
这个位置正好
This seat is ideally located
能在冬天吹到暖气
both in relation to the heat source in the winter
夏天吹到对流风
and a cross breeze in the summer.
而且正对着电视机
It also faces the television at a direct angle,
我能专心看电视或者打机
allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play
不受谈话干扰
without being subjected to conversation.
因此 我把它置于永恒状态了
As a result,I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.
可能吗
Can you do that?
[拉丁语]
Cathedra mea,regulae meae.
意思是"我的椅子 我做主"
That's Latin for "My chair,my rules."
你在电话里说
Now,you said on the phone
你的研究领域是物理
that your area of study is physics.
对 实验物理学
Uh,yeah,experimental physics.
那是什么
What is that?
跟你无关
Doesn't concern you.
你每天都会去大学吗
You'll be going to the university every day?
对
Yes.
-你有交通工具吗 -有辆车
- And you have a vehicle? - A car,yeah.
你愿意载我吗
And you'll be willing to drive me?
你不会开车吗
Can't you drive?
我会
I can.
我不想开
I choose not to.
那我可以载你
Okay,I suppose I could drive you.
这点可以给我加加分对吧
That's a point in my favor,right?
我来写就可以了
Why don't you let me do this.
别这样 我问问而已嘛
Come on,I just asked.
最后一个问题
Last question.
身处一个后启示录的世界中
In a post-apocalyptic world,
你会最先考虑完成以下哪项工作
which task would you assign the highest priority?
找出可持续利用的食物来源
Locating a sustainable food source,
重建一个功能政府
reestablishing a functioning government,
生育 还是传承人类文化
procreating,or preserving the knowledge of mankind?
我选 传承文化
Uh,I'm gonna go with... preserving the knowledge.
正解
That's correct.
供你参考 除了生育 其他答案我都接受
FYI,I would have accepted any answer other than procreating.
来 我带你参观一下其他房间
Come,I'll show you the rest of the apartment.
太好了
Oh,good.
我通过关卡了
I passed the barriers.
只是第二关卡 别翘尾巴呢
The second barrier. Don't get cocky.
这里是浴室
This is the bathroom.
你周期正常吗
Are you fairly regular?
大概吧
Uh,I guess.
你不能给我模棱两可的答案
This isn't going to work if you're guessing.
你什么时候排泄粪便
When do you evacuate your bowels?
我憋不住的时候
When I have to.
你憋不住的时候
When you have to?
抱歉 我不租房间给嬉皮士
I'm sorry,I don't rent to hippies.
不好意思 是早上
I-I'm sorry,uh,in the morning.
8点左右
Around 8:00.
8点不行 你可以7点半用厕所
I can't give you 8:00. I can give you 7:30.
好 我同意
Fine. I'll take it.
通过第三关卡
Third barrier passed.
你赢得了参观你卧室的权利
You have won the right to see your room.
噢耶
Huzzah.
是这间吗
Is this it?
不 这是我的卧室
No,this is my room.
人们不能进我的卧室
People don't go in my room.
那你睡哪儿啊
So where do you sleep?
我没明白
I don't understand.
你说人类不能进去 你自己也是人类
If people don't go in there,and you're people,and...
你 是人类吧
You are people,aren't you?
我开个玩笑
Making a joke.
你经常这样吗
Do you do this often?
偶尔吧
On occasion.
你的卧室
Your room.
"去死吧 谢尔顿"
你还是重新刷漆吧
You may want to repaint.
他那么多事儿 你居然就搬进去了
And after all that,you just moved in?
才不是那么简单就搬进去
I didn't just move in.
首先我们得谈妥一些细节问题
First we had to iron out a few details.
室友同意在每周五晚上观看
"Roommates agree that Friday nights shall be reserved
乔斯•威登最新导演的
for watching Joss Whedon's
惊世力作《萤火虫》
brilliant new series Firefly."
这条也要放到协议里啊
Does that really need to be in the agreement?
最好是现在定下来 那可要播好几年呢
{c it's going to be on for years.
在这里草签
Initial here.
好了 电视以及电影协议完成了
All right,that's television and movies.
第九部分 杂项
Section nine: miscellany.
公寓旗帜是一头
The apartment's flag
在天蓝色背景下两腿站立的金色狮子
is a gold lion rampant on a field of azure.
咱还有旗子呢啊
We have a flag?
千万别弄反了
Never fly it upside down.
除非公寓面临危机
Unless the apartment's in distress.
下一条
And next.
如果我们之中任何一人发明了时空穿梭机
"If either of us ever invents time travel,
我们同意第一站就是回到今天这个会议
"We agree our first stop will be this meeting today
时间是5秒之后
in precisely five seconds."
好
Okay.
真可惜
That's disappointing.
你到底干嘛要同意那些协议啊
Why on earth did you agree to all that?
那是我见过最棒的公寓了
It was the best apartment I'd seen,
房租也很合理
the rent was very reasonable
而且在通过前三个关卡之后
and after you've passed the first three barriers
你就会不自觉地想一路前进了
you kind of want to take it all the way.
抱歉 莱纳德
Well,I'm sorry,Leonard,
我只能说 自作孽 不可活
it's very hard to feel sympathy for you.
好吧 那这样吧
Okay,how about this?
我给你讲讲我第一次带姑娘回家的事儿
Let me tell you about the first time I brought a girl over.
莱纳德
Leonard?
嘘 假装我们不在
Shh. Just pretend we're not here.
莱纳德
Leonard?
他肯定一会就走了
I'm sure he'll go away.
你不回答我 我就一直敲
I'm just going to keep knocking till you answer.
莱纳德
Leonard?
莱纳德
Leonard?
莱纳德
Leonard?
你想干嘛啊
What do you want?!
我没说"请进"
I didn't say come in!
是你问我想干什么的
You asked what I wanted.
我想进来啊
I wanted to come in.
我来是因为你违反了我们的室友协议
I'm here because you violated our roommate agreement.
确切来说 是第八部分"宾客"里的
Specifically,section eight--
C小部分"女性"里的第四段 "交媾"
{c females,paragraph four-- coitus.
在进行交媾之前 室友需要
"Roommates shall give each other
提前12小时通知对方
12 hours notice of impending coitus."
我俩认识还不到12小时呢
I didn't even know her 12 hours ago.
够了 老娘闪人了
That's it! I'm out of here!
乔伊斯 别走啊
But,Joyce,come on.
12小时
12 hours?
我的老天
Oh,my God.
现在觉得同情我了吗
Do I get some sympathy now?
有点儿
A little bit.
好 让我理下思路
Ok,let me get this straight.
你搬进来和他一起住
You move in with this guy,
他让你签了一份相当扯淡的室友协议
he made you sign a rediculous roommate agreement,
然后他在你和那个乔伊斯•金爱爱的时候
then he walks into your bedroom
走进了你的卧室
while you're doing this Joyce Kim
可你居然还没搬走
and you still stay.
其实乔伊斯•金这事也不能怪他
Actually,I couldn't get too mad at him about Joyce Kim.
为什么
Why not?
当时我正致力于某些政府研究
Well,I was doing some government research at the time,
军用火箭燃料
you know,military,rocket fuel.
算是国家机密吧
It's kind of secret.
这和乔伊斯•金有毛关系
What does that have to do with Joyce Kim?
后来发现她是个朝鲜间谍
As it turns out,she was a North Korean spy.
好在我还没透露什么重要机密
Luckily,Sheldon drove her out
谢尔顿就把她赶了出去
before I revealed anything important.
我不是我说我肯定会透露
Which I-I'm not saying I would have.
就因为这样吗
So,what,that's it?
一直以来你忍受谢尔顿
You've stayed with Sheldon all this time
就为了感谢他让你免受牢狱之灾吗
because he kept you from going to federal prison?
这是理由之一
That was part of it.
理由之二和那电梯有关
The other part is what happened with the elevator.
我正想问呢
Oh,yeah,I'm wondering about that.
你说你搬来时电梯还能用呢
You said it was working when you moved in.
之前是能用 但某天晚上 谢尔顿下班回来...
It was,but one night,Sheldon came home from work...
这里是怎么回事
What is going on here?
好啊 谢尔顿
Hey,Sheldon.
这是霍华德和拉杰
This is Howard and Raj.
他们也在大学里工作
They work at the university,too.
-好 -好
- Hey. - Hey.
我一会儿找你算账
I'll get to you later.
你们坐的什么呢
What are you sitting on?
他们不好说 我正坐在屁垫上呢
I can't speak for these guys,but I'm sitting on my tushie.
我开个玩笑
It's a joke.
后悔了吧
Not a good idea.
屁垫就是屁股吧
"Tushie" Is buttocks,right?
-米错 -搞笑
- Right. - Hilarious.
这沙发是怎么回事
Explain the couch.
一楼的住户今天搬家
Oh,well,there were some people on the first floor moving out,
他们100刀贱卖给了我
and they sold it to me for $100.
霍华德和拉杰帮我搬了进来
Howard and Raj helped me bring it up.
我们的家具怎么不好了
But what's wrong with the furniture we have?
就俩草坪椅而已
They're lawn chairs.
别人来就没的坐了
And there was no place for company.
你没意识到 我这是故意的嘛
Did it occur to you that was by design?
根据室友协议
According to the roommate agreement,
我有权使用
I'm entitled to allocate 50%
50%立方米的公共区域
of the cubic footage of the common areas.
但你没有发邮件事先告知我
But you didn't notify me by e-mail,
所以还是违规了
so this is still a breach.
我告知你了
I did notify you.
是吗
Oh,you did,did you?
真见鬼
Oh,drat!
被垃圾邮件过滤器害惨了
Hoisted by my own spam filter.
干垃圾邮件过滤器毛事了
What am I doing in your spam folder?
自你上次发我一张弹钢琴的猫咪图
I put you there after you forwarded me
标题还说什么"很搞笑"
a picture of a cat playing the piano,
我就把你给扔垃圾邮件里去了
entitled "This is funny."
那个我看过
Oh,yeah,I saw that.
太搞笑了
That was hilarious.
这和电梯有什么关系
Okay,what does all this have to do with the elevator?
别急嘛 就说到了
I'm getting to it.
等到微软出了自己的播放器
I assure you,you'll be sorry
到时你就等着后悔吧
you wasted your money on an iPod
把钱浪费在一文不值滴苹果机上
when Microsoft comes out with theirs.
你对所有东西都有意见吗
Okay,do you have an opinion about everything?
对
Yes.
你还假设你永远正确吗
And you just assume you're always right?
这可不是假设 而是事实
It's not an assumption.
和我换个座位
Change seats with me.
-干嘛 -我不喜欢这个位子
- Why? - I don't like this spot.
讲话还得不停转头
I have to keep turning my head.
好吧
Fine.
哇哦 巴比伦5号开始了
Ooh,it's time for Babylon 5!
这里可不看巴比伦5号
We don't watch Babylon 5 in this apartment.
为什么
Why not?
因为没人爱看
Because no one likes Babylon 5.
我就爱看
I like it.
-我也爱看 -我也是
- Me,too. - So do I.
得了 三比一
There you go-- three against one.
他们又没投票权
They don't get a vote.
所以应该是一比一
It's one against one.
而根据室友协议
And according to the roommate agreement,
如果平局就由我说了算
all ties will be settled by me.
但我没同意
But I said no to that.
可我同意了
And I said yes.
而平局则由我说了算
And I settle all ties.
和我换座位
Change seats with me.
干嘛
Why?
这里有穿堂风吹我脖子
There's a draft on my neck over here.
那我被吹了怎么办
So,I get the draft?
你穿高领套头衫呢 没事
You're protected by your turtleneck.
好吧
Fine.
这是件V领假衬衫
And it's a dickey.
还是觉得不自在
I'm still not comfortable.
难怪了
Of course.
人太多了
There's too many people here.
这容易解决
We can fix that.
我们撤
Let's leave.
就是 去我家好了
Yeah,we can go over to my place.
等下
Wait.
我去拿外套
Let me get my jacket.
-我们不带你一起 -为什么
- You're not going with us. - Why not?
我们就是为了摆脱你
You're the guy we're trying to get away from.
既然如此 外套就能免了
Well,in that case,I don't need my jacket.
强调一下句法错误
And for the record,the correct syntax is:
应该是: 我就是你们要摆脱的那个人
I'm the guy from whom you're trying to get away.
这才对
Oh,yes.
这才是我的专属座位
This is definitely going to be my spot.
好吧
Okay.
你咋知道他说的什么 你都不在屋里了
How do you know he said that? You left the room.
到底想不想我给你涂完你的大脚丫了
Hey,do you want me to finish working on your man feet or not?
好啦 说下去
Fine. Go ahead.
霍华德 你有小伙伴来玩吗
Howard,are you having a playdate?
才不是小伙伴
I don't have playdates!
是我同事
I have colleagues!
他们父母知道他们来这的吧
Do their parents know they're here?
不 但你继续吼的话 他们可能就能听到
No,but if you keep screaming,maybe they'll hear you!
那是你爸吗
That your dad?
她脸上再长点胡子的话 就差不多了
She grows any more hair on her face,yes.
天
Oh,man.
那是两级火箭吗
Is that a two-stage rocket?
三级火箭 我自己设计的引擎
Three. I designed the engine myself.
酷 速度能达一马赫以上吗
Cool. Can it break Mach 1?
有可能的 只要政府正在研究的
Oh,probably,if I could get my hands on that new fuel
那项新燃料项目被我弄到手
the government's been working on.
今天可能就是你的幸运日
Oh,this just might be your lucky day.
霍华德 我放柜子上的奥利奥饼干呢
Howard,what happened to the Oreos I left on the counter?!
我没见过你的奥利奥
I haven't seen your Oreos!
就别边吃边洗澡了
Just take your bath without them!
为什么说那天是他的幸运日
So,why was it his lucky day?
因为我公寓里
Well,it turns out I had
恰好就有一点火箭燃料
a little rocket fuel in the apartment.
你公寓里放火箭燃料干嘛
What were you doing with rocket fuel in your apartment?
乔伊斯•金对我的工作有点好奇
Joyce Kim was kind of curious about what I did for a living,
我是想给她展示一下
and I was going to kind of show it to her.
那并不重要 重点是
It's not important. The point is,
我们仨回到了公寓
the guys and I went back to the apartment.
你到底讲不讲电梯的事啊
Are we ever going to get to the elevator?
马上就讲到了
Yeah,we're really close.
我们回到了公寓
Uh,uh,we're at the apartment.
诀窍在于要混入Tovex水胶炸药
The trick is to mix it into Tovex
以制造出一种易燃的凝胶
in order to create a combustible gel
它能产生八百万牛顿以上的推力
that will generate over 8,000 kilo-newtons of thrust.
-好酷 -太棒了
- Cool. - Nice.
没用的
Won't work.
抱歉 我干这行可是很久了的
Excuse me,but I've been working on this a long time.
相信我 绝对管用
Trust me-- it'll work.
你还没发现自己的错误 是吗
You don't see your mistake,do you?
根本就没错误
There's no mistake.
那是给全尺寸火箭用的 而不是给模型用的
This is for a full-scale rocket,not a model.
我已经调整过配方了
Well,I've adjusted the formula.
没调整对
Not correctly.
行了 我受够你了
Okay,I've had it with you.
你可能是专精于
You might be an expert
理论物理和科幻节目
on theoretical physics and science-fiction programs
还有坐沙发哪个座位
and where to sit on a freaking couch,
但这是应用物理学范畴
but this is applied physics.
而说到应用物理学...
And when it comes to applied physic... uh-oh.
怎么回事
What's happening?
大事不妙 非常不妙
A bad thing. A very bad thing.
快开门
Get the door.
快开门 快开门
Get the door! Get the door!
快开门 快开门
Get the door! Get the door!
你还想等电梯
You're waiting for the elevator?!
哦 对哦
Oh. Right.
等等 电梯到了
Wait. It's here.
快给我
Give me that.
你这是干嘛 我有的是时间...
What'd you do that for? I had plenty of time...
不用谢
You're welcome.
谢尔顿不仅救了我一命
Not only did Sheldon save my life,
他还没向房东告发我
he didn't rat me out to the landlord.
或报警
Or the police.
或报告国家安全局
Or Homeland Security.
所以你就是害我
Okay,so,basically,you're the reason
不得不每天上上下下跑三层楼梯的人
I have to walk up and down three flights of stairs every day?
我是干了件蠢事
So I did something stupid.
相信你年少无知时 肯定也干过蠢事
I'm sure you did stupid things when you were younger.
七年前你都在干些什么
What were you doing seven years ago?
说什么呀 那时我才是高中生
Excuse me,I was in high school.
就知道学习 洁身自爱
Studying,keeping my nose clean,
在社区做志愿服务
doing volunteer work for the community.
没怀孕
Not pregnant.
太好了
Yes!
乌班图
Oh,Ubuntu,
你是我最爱的Linux操作系统
you are my favorite Linux-based operating system.
怎么有甲基丙烯酸酯的味道
Why do I smell methacrylate?
我涂的透明指甲油
Oh,uh,clear nail polish.
我做了个美甲
I had a mani-pedi.
男人也可以美甲
Men can get those.
不管怎样 我可能该跟你道歉
Anyway,I may owe you an apology.
你还不确定这点吗
There's doubt?
我确实认可过自动调温器的设置
I did agree to the thermostat setting,
不该私自去改变它
and I shouldn't have tried to change it.
这不是道歉
That's not an apology.
只是承认我是对的
Simply an acknowledgement that I was right.
好吧 我很抱歉
Ok,I'm sorry.
这就对了
There you go.
那我们就算和好了
So we are good?
什么和好
Good what?
算了
Never mind.
我看电视可以吧
Okay if I watch some TV?
看吧
Go ahead.
接下来播放《巴比伦5号》
Up next Babylon 5.
你甚至都没在看电视
You're not even watching!
但我听得到
I can hear it！
他们的对白又冒犯到你了
Oh,so the dialogue offends you?
那简直不能成为对白
I would hardly call that dialogue!
你真是有病 你知道吗
You're insane,you know that?!
别逼我把那面旗再颠倒过来
Don't make me turn that flag upside down,
你知道我做得出来的
cause you know I'll do it!
[ 此帖被半世癫在2014-08-19 01:13重新编辑 ] -
第三季第21集
站住
Hold.
干嘛
What?
解释你为什么打喷嚏
Explain your sneeze.
什么
I'm sorry?
-你有过敏症吗 -没有
- Do you have allergies? - No.
你在沙拉上放太多胡椒粉了吗
Is there too much pepper on your salad?
我没在沙拉上加胡椒粉
I don't put pepper on salads.
够了 坐那边去
I've heard enough. Sit over there.
别这样 我不想一个人坐
Oh,come on.I don't want to sit by myself.
[美国伤寒带菌者]
当年伤寒玛丽也这么说
That's what Typhoid Mary said,
显然 她朋友让步了所以都病了
And clearly,her friends buckled.
伙计们 帮帮我
Guys,help me.
谢尔顿 别这样
Sheldon,come on.
不就是一个喷嚏嘛
Yeah,it's just one sneeze.
-自个坐去吧 -再见 兄弟
- You're on your own. - See you,buddy.
莱纳德 我有东西给你看
Oh,Leonard,I have something for you.
根据室友协议
Per our roommate agreement,this is
这是提前24小时通知
Your 24-hour notice that I will be having
我有一位无血缘关系的女性要在咱家住两晚
A non-related female spending two nights in our apartment.
你说的无血缘关系的女性
When you say "non-related female,"
应该指人类吧
You still mean human,right?
当然
Of course.
室友协议规定不许有宠物
Pets are banned under the roommate agreement,
除了服务性动物 比如导盲犬
With the exception of service animals,such as seeing eye dogs
及将来出现的 机械装备强化的猴子帮工
And,one day,cybernetically-enhanced helper monkeys.
你打算绑架一个女人吗
Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
讽刺吗
Sarcasm?
对 但也包含真诚的关心
Yes,but mixed with genuine concern.
告诉你们 我将接待
For your information,I'll be playing host
伊丽莎白•普林顿博士
To Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton.
普林斯顿大学的宇宙物理学家
The cosmological physicist from Princeton?
没错
Yes.
另外 你没戴口罩前
And until you acquire a surgical mask,
请先用餐巾捂嘴 再发表言论
Please address your comments to me through a napkin.
我们通信交流了好几年
We've been corresponding for years about
共同感兴趣的
Our mutual interest in
早期宇宙中膨胀子的引力波特性
Gravitational wave signatures of inflatons in the early universe.
她现在考虑
And now she's under consideration
来我们大学工作
For a position at our university.
你怎么没说过你认识伊丽莎白•普林顿
Why didn't you tell me you knew Elizabeth Plimpton?
我可是她的铁粉
I am a huge fan of hers!
我不知道我有义务分享
I didn't realize I was obligated to share my connection
我跟你喜欢的事物的联系 好吧
With things you're a fan of,but very well.
你喜欢吃加拿大熏肉
You enjoy Canadian bacon.
我去过多伦多
I've been to Toronto.
行
Okay,fine.
那她睡哪里
Where is she going to sleep?
当然睡我房间
My room,of course.
我靠
Holy crap!
我靠
Holy crap!
我有个两部分的问题
Yeah,um,I have a two-part question.
请说
Go ahead.
第一 你在开玩笑吗
A: Are you kidding me?
第二 你丫的开玩笑吧
And B: Seriously,are you freaking kidding me?
第一 我很少开玩笑
A: I rarely kid.
第二 我开玩笑时 你会听到
And B: When I do kid,you will know it
我用"逗你玩"这个词
By my use of the word "bazinga."
这么说你们俩
So you're saying the two of you
要睡在同一张床上
Are going to be sleeping in the same bed?
对
Yes.
逗你玩
Bazinga.
莱纳德
Leonard?
谢了
Thank you.
为什么一位世界知名的科学家
Why is a world-renowned scientist
选择住我们家 而不住酒店
Staying in our apartment instead of a hotel?
她不喜欢住酒店
Well,she doesn't care for hotels.
这也不能怪她
And who can blame her?
打不开的窗户
Windows that don't open,
N个人用过的床单
Multi-user linens,
卡式的钥匙 好像谁的钱包
Keys shaped like credit cards-- as if one walks around
都有空的卡槽似的
With unassigned slots in one's wallet.
好了 所剩时间
All right,I believe I have time
只够回答一个问题
For one more question.
说吧 拉杰
Yes,Raj?
我什么时候能坐回你们旁边
When can I sit with you again?
等我看到连续两次 相隔12小时
When I've seen Two consecutive negative throat cultures
咽拭子检测呈阴性 你知道怎么做
Spaced 12 hours apart. You know the drill.
好了
All right,
诸位失陪了 我要去进行
If you'll excuse me,I am off to start
预防性抗生素治疗
A prophylactic course of antibiotics.
不敢相信 他居然是伊丽莎白•普林顿的朋友
I can't believe he's friends with elizabeth plimpton.
不敢相信 他们居然让他进加拿大
I can't believe they let him into canada.
喂 你刚刚没听到吗
Whoa,whoa,whoa. You heard the man.
你的咽拭子检测结果呢
Where's your throat cultures?
开玩笑 坐吧
Kidding. Sit down.
谢尔顿
Hey,Sheldon.
佩妮 正好
Oh,Penny,excellent.
我对加长型卫生棉有个疑问
I have a question about these maxi pads.
这个护翼真的有用吗
Are the wings truly functional
还是我沦为广告宣传的受害者了
Or have I fallen victim to marketing hype?
什么
What?
你干嘛买...什么
Why are you doing with-- what?
沃格林的男售货员
The stock boy at Walgreens
根本没给我提供什么信息
Was frustratingly uninformed on the subject.
谢尔顿 你买卫生棉干嘛
Sheldon,what are you doing with maxi pads?
我有个女性朋友
I have a lady friend
要在我这里住几天
Who will be staying with me for a few days.
什么
What?
我想让她宾至如归
I want her to feel at home.
我还买了香皂 裤袜 痛经药
I also bought scented soaps,pantyhose,midol,
咀嚼钙 还有这种酸奶
Calcium chews and what is apparently a yogurt
专门调节女性肠道的
Specifically designed to regulate the female bowel.
等等 前面一句
Wait,wait,hold on,back up.
有个女人要跟你住在一起
You're having a woman stay with you?
对
Yes.
怎么每个人听到都大吃一惊
Why does that seem to flabbergast everybody?
不 不是
Oh... no,no,no,no.
我不是吃惊
I'm not flabbergasted.
我是...疑惑
I'm... puzzled.
就是疑惑
Yeah,let's go with puzzled.
友情提示
A word of warning.
这位客人是著名物理学家
My guest is a noted physicist
量子宇宙论的权威专家
And the leading expert on quantum cosmology,
请不要跟她聊女性无聊话题
So please try to avoid wasting her time
浪费她的时间
With female jibber jabber.
什么叫女性无聊话题
Female jibber jabber?
鞋子特价 发型 泥面膜
Shoe sales,hair styles,
还有你朋友布莱德和安吉丽娜的八卦
Mud masks,gossip about your friends Brad and Angelina.
他们不是我的朋友
Oh,they're not my friends.
我知道 鉴于你在背后
I'm not surprised,considering the way
说了他们那么多坏话
You talk about them behind their backs.
她来了 她来了
She's here,she's here.
我看上去怎么样 聪明吗
How do I look? Do I look smart?
老天爷
Oh,good grief.
这又不是你的事
This isn't about you.
来了
Coming!
听好
Now,listen.
21世纪最杰出的头脑之一
One of the great minds of the 21st century
将以东道的身份迎接另一位杰出头脑
is about to play host to one of the other great minds of the 21st century.
你要仔细看着
So pay attention.
没准儿多年以后
Years from now,
我的传记作者问起你这个伟大时刻
my biographer might ask you about this event.
我有太多话想跟你的传记作者说
Oh,I have so many things to tell your biographer.
库珀博士 谢天谢地
Dr. Cooper,thank goodness.
我完全不记得你的地址
I completely forgot your address.
还好我还记得写在了手上
But then I remembered that I'd written it on my hand.
幸好
Lucky for me,
我没记成另外一只手
I didn't confuse it with what I'd written on my other hand,
那只写的是一颗最新发现的中子星的坐标
which are the coordinates for a newly discovered neutron star.
因为想去那儿的话 我会被超重力压碎的
'cause if I tried to go there,I'd be crushed by hypergravity.
-不说这些了 你好啊 -你好
- Anyway,hello. - Hello.
很高兴能见到你的本尊哦
Nice to finally meet you in person.
我猜也是
I would imagine it is.
这位是我朋友兼室友 莱纳德•霍夫斯塔德博士
This is my friend and roommate,Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
你嗨
Hi-lo.
我 我本来想说"你好"
I-I started to say "hi,"
中途又想说"嗨"
and then I switched to "hello" in the middle.
结果就成了"你嗨"
It came out "hi-lo."
咄[表示轻蔑]
Duh.
很高兴见到你
Uh,it's nice to meet you.
我拜读过你的书和许多论文
I-I've read both your books and most of your papers.
我叫莱纳德 就住这儿 你太有才了
I-I'm Leonard,I live here,you're brilliant.
真不好意思
I apologize.
他只是个搞实验物理的
He's only an experimental physicist.
没关系
No need to apologize.
我有几个好朋友也是搞实验的
Some of my best friends are experimental physicists.
其实也不算好朋友 就是认识而已
Well,not my best friends,but I know them.
我最要好的朋友
My best friend is
是一位名叫温迪的分子化学家
a molecular chemist named Wendy.
真不好意思 我话太多了
I'm sorry,I'm rambling.
你嗨
Hi-lo.
你饿吗 渴吗
Are you hungry,thirsty?
我来招待你吧
Can I offer you anything?
不用了 她是我的客人
No,she's my guest.
要招待她的话 也该由我来吧
If anyone should offer her anything,it should be me.
伊丽莎白 我能为你效劳吗
Elizabeth,can I get you something?
你想要女性卫生用品
Perhaps a feminine hygiene product
还是调节肠道的酸奶
or a bowel-regulating yogurt?
这俩选项都很有意思嘛
Interesting choices.
考虑到我现在的需求 还是酸奶吧
Based on my current needs,I guess I'd pick the yogurt.
好极了
Excellent.
要是这酸奶起作用的话
If the yogurt works,
我还买了些香薰蜡烛
I bought some delightful scented candles.
这是你耶
Look,it's you.
非常感谢你们让我住在这里
Thank you so much for opening up your home to me.
谁愿意住宾馆啊
Well,who wants to stay in a hotel?
窗户又打不开 诡异的卡片式钥匙
Windows that don't open,those crazy card-shaped keys.
知音啊 我太高兴了
I'm so glad you understand.
不对 他不是你的知音
No,he doesn't understand.
我才是
I understand.
我也是啊
Well,I understand,too.
你剽窃了我的想法
You're just misappropriating my understanding.
我觉得任何一所大学都想要你
I think any university would want you.
当然 除了那些
Except,of course,
已经接纳你的大学
any university that had already had you.
因为他们已经在接纳你之前
Because they would've already wanted you
已经想要你了
before they,you know,got you.
这就是跟你说"你嗨"的那位
From the mind that brought you "hi-lo."
我带你去房间看看吧
Let me show you to your room.
好啊
All right.
我也觉得我困了 晚安 莱纳德
I guess I am tired. Good night,Leonard.
好安
Uh,sleep night.
我想说 晚安
I mean,obviously,good night.
我本来想说"好梦"
I started to say "sleep tight,"
然后我又中途改了主意
then I changed my mind in the middle.
我对天发誓 我很聪明的
I swear to god,I'm smart.
话说清楚点 伙计
Get it together,man.
好的 给你展示一下
All right,let me show you
这个房间里的一些功能吧
some of the features of the room.
首先 窗户
First,windows.
很常见
Conventional.
打开 关上
Open,closed.
打开 关上
Open,closed.
开一半
Halfway open.
或者说关一半 这取决于你的哲学取向
Or halfway closed,depending on your philosophical bent.
这里是我的漫画收藏
Over here is my comic book collection.
可以随意浏览
Feel free to browse.
这里有一盒阅读专用的一次性手套
There's a box of disposable reading gloves
就在床头柜上
on the night stand.
很好
Good to know.
在这里
In here,you'll find
你可以找到应急储备
emergency provisions.
足够八天的食物和水 一把弩
An eight-day supply of food and water,a crossbow,
一个高密度优盘 里面有
Season 2 of Star Trek the original series
原版的《星际迷航》第二季
on a high-density flash drive.
那要是所有的USB接口都在
What if there's a disaster
灾难中坏掉了呢
that destroys all the USB ports?
那就真的没法儿活了 不是吗
Then there's really no reason to live,is there?
我能问个关于你室友的问题吗
Can I ask a question about your roommate?
他是个蠢货 对吧
He's an odd duck,isn't he?
他的情感生活是个什么状态
What's his relationship status?
他跟住在走廊对面的那个女服务员
Well,there was a misbegotten adventure
有过一段奸情
With a waitress who lives across the hall.
莫名其妙开始 又莫名其妙结束
It ended as inexplicably as it began.
他俩没有什么共同点
They had very little in common,
除了床笫之欢
except for carnal activity.
这就是为什么
That's why I acquired
我准备了这副隔音耳麦
these noise-canceling headphones.
如果你打算用它的话
If you decide to use them,
请记得戴完之后用湿巾把耳罩擦干净
please clean the ear pieces afterwards
湿巾就在卫生间里
with the wet wipes you'll find in the bathroom.
有个贴着"湿巾"标签的抽屉
They're in the drawer labeled "wet wipes."
行
Okay.
很好 那就不打扰你晚上梳洗时间了
Good. I'll leave you to your nighttime ablutions.
早上卫生间的使用时间表已经发你邮箱
I've e-mailed you the morning bathroom schedule.
欢迎礼包里还有一份塑封过的版本
You'll also find a laminated copy in your welcome packet.
就印在紧急逃生线路图的背面
It's on the back of the emergency escape route diagram.
真体贴
How thoughtful.
-睡个好觉 朋友 -你也是
- Sleep well,my friend. - You,too.
让我再拿一样东西
Oh,let me just get one thing.
这是我的备用应急储备包
It's my backup emergency supply kit.
客厅的紧急逃生路线不经过这边
The living room escape route doesn't pass through here.
晚安
Now,good night.
如果世界末日降临的话 祝你好运
And if there's an apocalypse,good luck.
请进
Yes?
我看见你的灯还亮着
I saw your light on.
你没事吧
Is everything all right?
没事 我就是睡不着
Yeah,I just couldn't sleep.
我也睡不着
Me neither.
你看我在读什么
Oh,look what I'm reading.
你的书哦
It's you.
你不是读过了吗
I thought you already read it.
是读过 不过有一阵子了
I did,but it's been a while,
我想在早餐时表现得聪明点
And I wanted to sound smart over breakfast.
你很聪明了
Aw,you're smart.
是吗 太好了
Oh,good.
我还担心你没看出来
Wasn't sure it was coming across.
在读第几章
What chapter are you on?
第六章
Uh,six.
银河系外距离等级
Oh,the extragalactic distance ladder.
想知道一个小秘密吗
Want to know a little secret?
当然
Sure.
威尔逊-巴普效应那一节
I wrote the section on the Wilson-Bappu effect
我是全裸着写的
completely naked.
真的吗
Really?
读起来可不像
Uh,sure doesn't read that way.
我来给你演示
Here,let me show you.
考虑到脉动变星的亮度变化
When we consider the brightness of pulsating variable stars,
这可能就是
we start to see a possible explanation
哈勃常数出现数值分歧的原因之一
for some of the discrepancies found in Hubble's constant.
你的科学真是活色生香
You really make science come alive.
语音测试 清晨语音测试
Vocal test. Morning vocal test.
第二次语音测试
Second vocal test.
第二次清晨语音测试
Second morning vocal test.
谢尔顿早
Morning,Sheldon.
早
Morning.
谢尔顿早
Morning,Sheldon.
早
Morning.
昨晚过得愉快吗
I trust you had a pleasant night.
不是一般愉快
More than pleasant.
失陪一下 我要去方便
Excuse me,I'm going to relieve myself.
喝什么咖啡
How do you take your coffee?
-清咖啡 -好滴
- Black. - Okeydoke.
为休斯顿而尿 为奥斯丁而尿
Pee for Houston,pee for Austin,
为我深爱的州而尿
pee for the state my heart got lost in.
再为德州抖两抖
And shake twice for Texas.
他妈妈教他的
Something his mother taught him.
好了 伊丽莎白
All right,Elizabeth,
轮到你用卫生间了
the bathroom is yours.
坐垫我放下了 为保护你健康还消了毒
The seat is down,and has been sanitized for your protection.
你真细心 不过我想先喝完咖啡
That's very thoughtful,but I think I'll finish my coffee first.
看来酸奶是没起作用
Ah,so the yogurt didn't work.
我要火速去给生产商写邮件指责他们
I'll fire off a critical e-mail to the manufacturer.
太好了 你们都起了
Oh,good,you're up.
我的车发动不了
Look,my car won't start.
需要有人送我上班
I need a ride to work.
又对检查引擎灯置之不理了
Did you once again ignore your "check engine" light?
不是 大明白先生
No,Mr. Smarty-pants.
我这次没理加油提示灯
I ignored the "fill gas tank" light.
莱纳德 佩妮来查探下
Leonard,Penny wants to exploit any
你是否对她余情未了
residual feelings you have for her
以达到搭车上班的目的
in order to get a ride to work.
好 当然 等我把咖啡倒旅行杯里
Oh,yeah,sure,let me just put this in a travel mug.
你好
Hello.
嗨
Hi.
佩妮 这位是普林顿博士
Oh,Penny,this is Dr. Plimpton...
量子宇宙论权威专家
A leading expert on quantum cosmology.
普林顿博士 这是佩妮
Dr. Plimpton,Penny is a waitress
一名不理解内燃机需要
who doesn't understand the role gasoline plays
汽油做燃料的服务生
in the internal combustion engine.
很高兴见到你
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你
Nice to meet you,too.
在这住得好吗
Are you enjoying your stay?
是的 非常好
Yes,very much.
那就好
Good.
太棒了 无意义的客套话交流完毕
Wonderful. Meaningless pleasantries accomplished.
伊丽莎白 莱纳德如厕时间就要到了
Elizabeth,Leonard's bathroom time is coming up,
相信我 在他后面去可不是好事
and believe me,you do not want to follow him.
失陪了
Excuse me.
好吧 我看我得去换衣服了
Okay,well,I guess I should get dressed
好送大家去上班
so I can take everyone to work.
你 谢尔顿
You and Sheldon
还有谢尔顿的朋友
and Sheldon's friend,
普林顿博士 你刚见过的
Dr. Plimpton,who you just met.
肯定会有趣
Gonna be fun.
就像玩具车
Like a clown car.
等等
Hang on. Hmm?
哦 什么事
Yeah? What? Huh?
我们刚刚分手
We just broke up.
什么... 你我吗 是哈
Wha... uh,you and me? Yeah,we did.
不久之前
Not too long ago.
你适应得如何
How are you doing with it?
明显没你适应得好
Not as good as you apparently.
我什么 没明白
I,um,I don't follow.
知道吗 这不不关我的事
You know what? It's,it's none of my business.
我们刚刚分手
If you want to sleep with Sheldon's doctor buddy
你就想和谢尔顿的博士朋友上床 那就去吧
right after we stopped seeing each other,go for it.
打扰一下
Excuse me.
我对你提议莱纳德
I'm uncomfortable with you recommending
争取与普林顿博士性交感到不安
that Leonard pursue having intercourse with Dr. Plimpton,
她可还有更重要的事要忙
who I assure you has better things to do.
我不是提议
I'm not recommending it.
他已经那样做了
I'm saying it already happened.
这太荒谬了
That's preposterous.
是吧 莱纳德
Tell her,Leonard.
那个...
Well...
不是吧
No.
拜托 不是我的错
Come on. It wasn't my fault.
莫非你是想说你不小心绊倒
The implication being that you somehow tripped
正好摔她身上了
and fell into her lady parts?
算了
You know what?
我还是坐公车上班吧
I'm just gonna take the bus to work.
佩妮 让我开车送你吧
Penny,I can still drive you.
算了 不必了
Oh,no,no,it's okay.
我怕你踩到香蕉皮
You might slip on a banana peel
然后把我搞怀孕了
and get me pregnant.
我必须要说 你的背叛真令我震惊
I must say,i'm shocked by this betrayal.
我没有背叛佩妮
I didn't betray Penny.
不是佩妮 是我
Not Penny,me!
我怎么背叛到你了
How am I betraying you?
伊丽莎白是我的朋友 你却跟她玩
Elizabeth's my friend,and you're playing with her!
好吧 确实玩了
Yeah,I guess I did.
你这是干什么呢
What the hell are you doing?
[奈奎尔: 一种夜间使用的感冒药]
别紧张 这是奈奎尔
Relax,it's NyQuil.
你感冒还没好
You still have a cold?
或许吧 可我不在乎
Maybe,but I don't care.
这就是奈奎尔的妙处 里面有10%的酒
That's the great thing about NyQuil,it's like ten-percent booze.
我叫它一夜鼻涕喷嚏咳嗽不断
I call it the nighttime sniffling,sneezing,coughing
但能让你跟女孩讲话的神药
so you can talk to girls medicine.
你晚上睡不着吗
Are you having trouble sleeping?
要知道 我可是一夜没睡啊
'cause,boy,I was up all night.
你也感冒了吗
Did you get a cold,too?
不 但我整夜都没睡哟
No,but I was awake all night.
想吃药的话
If you want,
我可以给你些我妈的安眠药
I can give you some of my mom's sleeping pills.
要是少了她不会发现吗
She won't notice they're missing?
她都没发现自己在吃安眠药
She doesn't know she takes them.
没事
No,that's okay.
是其它事让我整夜不睡
It was something else keeping me up last night.
今早也是哦
And again this morning.
我也不介意哟
And... I didn't mind.
我昨晚没睡
I was up last night.
今早也没睡
I was up this morning.
我也不介意
I didn't mind.
都提示你们这么多了
Those are your clues.
你窗台上的鸽子又孵了一窝小鸟吗
Did the pigeon on your windowsill have more babies?
不是
No.
你又不睡整什么乐高动画电影了吧
Were you up making another stop-motion lego movie?
不是
No.
告诉你吧
'cause let me tell you,
光是让乐高玩具动起来可不够
It's not enough to make the legos move,
还要让他们有爱 懂吗
They also have to capture your heart.
再提示一下
Okay,I'll give you one more clue.
还涉及到另一个人
It involved another person.
你搞了个日本性爱抱枕吗
Did you get a Japanese love pillow?
日本性爱抱枕能算人吗
How is a japanese love pillow another person?
要是你爱她 又给她起名字 当然算
It is if you love her and give her a name.
普林顿博士 我来给你介绍我的同事
Dr. Plimpton,I'd like you to meet my colleagues--
这位是拉杰•库萨帕里博士
Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali
和不是博士的霍华德•沃罗威茨
And not-a-doctor Howard Wolowitz.
-我是的忠实粉丝 -多谢
- I'm a big fan of your work. - Thank you.
不用我说 你和霍夫斯塔德博士
And of course,you've already introduced yourself
已经互相认识过了
to Dr. Hofstadter.
你好呀
Hey,you.
你也好呀
Hey,you.
天 我可真是精疲力竭
Boy,I'm kind of tuckered out.
你感觉如何 伊丽莎白
How are you feeling,Elizabeth?
要我说吗
You know what?
我是有点累
I am a little tired.
能行行好帮我拿杯咖啡吗
Would you be a dear and get me a cup of coffee?
当然
Sure.
要清咖啡吧
Black,right?
其实我现在更想喝火辣甜蜜的印度咖啡
Actually,now I think I want it hot,brown and sweet.
马上就来
Coming right up.
你来干嘛
What?
你什么意思 今晚是光晕之夜
What do you mean "what?" it's halo night.
我不能玩 病得厉害
I can't. I'm too sick.
快走
Go away.
所以我们才转战到你家
That's why we moved halo night here.
看 我还带了我妈做的鸡汤
Look,I brought my mom's chicken soup.
我不饿
I'm not hungry.
别赶他走嘛
Don't send him away.
-让他进来 -那是谁
- Let him in. - Who's that?
我买了只鹦鹉
I bought a parrot.
得了吧
Yeah,right.
普林顿博士
Dr. Plimpton?
嗨 你是霍华德吧
Hi. Howard,right?
我是
Uh,yeah.
能问你个问题吗 霍华德
Can I ask you a question,howard?
你喜欢角色扮演游戏吗
Do you like role-playing games?
当然
Yeah,sure.
其实我是个地下城主
In fact,I'm a dungeon master.
今晚可以换种口味
Not tonight.
今晚你就当个送外卖的
Tonight you are a delivery man.
送来了鸡汤
You brought soup,
但不幸的是拉杰和我却没钱付给你
But uh-oh,Raj and I don't have enough money to pay you.
所以我们只能搞一些特殊交易
So we'll have to come to some other kind of arrangement.
你说什么
Beg your pardon?
你们自己商量下细节
You two figure out the details,
我去换下装
I'm going to go change into something
等着你们一把撕掉
I don't mind getting ripped off my milky flesh.
我靠 真的假的
What the frak?
你快走
Go away.
她喜欢印度风的 不是什么犹太风
She wants new delhi,not kosher deli.
再说你都有女友了
Besides,you have a girlfriend.
都分手几星期了
We broke up weeks ago.
怎么都不见你提过
Why didn't you say anything?
我在等待最佳时机
I was waiting for the right time.
现在时机就正好
This is the right time.
准备好光晕大战了吗
Hey,who's ready for halo?
我靠 又来个人添乱
Oh,this is like a nightmare.
快滚
Get lost!
没错 人数已经够多了
He's right. The numbers are shaky enough as it is.
我没听懂
I don't understand.
哇哦 赞 莱纳德来了
Oh,good.Leonard's here.
赞
Good?!
伊丽莎白
Elizabeth?
怎么回事
What's going on?
现在你和霍华德是我的搬运工
What's going on is you and Howard are my moving men
而拉杰是我的新房东
And Raj is my new landlord
可我却没钱付给你们
And I don't have enough money to pay any of you.
她的意思和我想的一样淫荡吗
Is she suggesting what I think she's suggesting?
对
Yep.
欢迎来到淫荡世界[原义为一本色情杂志]
Welcome to the penthouse forum.
举手表决 有谁同意
Okay,show of hands. Who's up for this?
我们仨都得赤裸裸坦诚相对的
We'll all be naked in front of each other.
那我不干
I'm out.
大家准备好了吗
Everybody ready?
按我说的做
Follow my lead.
就快了
Almost.
我们准备到走廊上去
We're,we're going to go out into the hallway and,
来个戏剧性登场
make a dramatic entrance.
太好了 这种效果更好
Oh,good. It's so much better when everyone commits.
快走快走 别回头看
Run. Run,run,run. Don't look back.
我还以为能有些特别的呢
I thought we had something special.
这么说 你付不出房租咯
So,you say you can't pay your rent...
莱纳德
Oh,Leonard?
我在脱水机里发现的
I found these in the dryer.
应该是谢尔顿的吧
I'm assuming they belong to Sheldon.
多谢
Thanks.
童装要买到这样的尺码真不容易
It's really hard to find these in his size.
听着
So,listen.
关于那天早上的事 我一直想找你谈谈
I've been meaning to talk to you about the other morning.
你是指你和淫荡骚女博士的事吗
You mean you and Dr. Slutbunny?
我想向你解释
Yeah,I wanted to explain.
你不必向我解释
Well,you don't owe me an explanation.
-是吗 -对啊
- I don't? - No,you don't.
这么说 你不会有想法咯
So,you are not judging me.
我当然有想法
I'm judging you nine ways to Sunday.
但你不必向我解释
But you don't own me an explanation.
不管怎样 我还是要解释一下
Nevertheless,I'd like to get one on the record,
让你明白 我为什么要这么做
so you can understand why I did what I did.
我听着呢
I'm listening.
她自己送上门的
She let me.
-
第三季第20集
靠 我的维萨卡被撤了
Oh,damn,they canceled my Visa.
哦也 新的万事达卡
Oh,yay,a new MasterCard!
干嘛
What?
我本来想拿信件
I was going to get my mail.
拿啊
Okay.
难道你想通过心灵感应来拿吗
Are... are you hoping to get it telepathically?
你是说意念取物吧
I think you mean telekinetically.
不是
And no.
我只是不确定用哪种社交礼节
I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol
因为你和莱纳德如今不交媾了
now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.
老天 你就不能说"不再见面交往"吗
God,can we please just say "no longer seeing each other"?
那得真的不见才行
Well,we could if it were true.
可你们住在同一栋楼里
But as you live in the same building,
低头不见抬头见
you see each other all the time.
唯一改变的变量是交媾
The variable which has changed is the coitus.
咱来定个协议
Okay,here's the protocol:
你我继续做朋友
you and I are still friends,
还有你别再说"交媾"
and you stop saying "coitus."
好啊
Good,good.
我很高兴我们还是朋友
I'm glad we're still friends.
真的吗
Really?
当然 适应你出现在我日常生活中
Oh,yes. It was a lot of work
可花了我不少功夫
to accommodate you in my life.
而我很讨厌白费功夫
I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain.
好吧
Right.
再问清楚 我不能跟所有人说交媾
Just to be clear,do I have to stop
还是只是不能跟你说
saying "coitus" with everyone or just you?
所有人
Everyone.
协议条款真苛刻
Harsh terms.
不过没关系 我可以用"性交"代替
But all right-- I'll just substitute "intercourse."
这下好了
Great.
或者用"私通"
Or "fornication."
但这个带有批评色彩
Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones,
还是作为备用吧
so I'll hold that in reserve.
你最近怎样
So,how you been?
我的存在是个连续统一体
Well,my existence is a continuum,
所以在指定期间的每个时间点都是一样的
so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.
你就是逗我玩 是吧
You're just coitusing with me,aren't you?
逗你玩
Bazinga.
莱纳德好吗
How's Leonard doing?
他表面很好
He seems all right.
但他花了很长时间
Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time
盯着你的照片
looking at photographs of you
嗅着你枕过的枕头
and smelling the pillow you slept on.
我想起来了
Oh,but now that I think of it,
他叫我不要告诉你
he asked me not to tell you that.
我会假装没听见
I'll pretend I didn't hear it.
我宁愿你假装我没说过
I'd rather you pretend I didn't say it.
你买了意大利妈妈大蒜意粉酱
I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghetti sauce.
对
Yep.
我妈妈也用这种酱
That's the sauce my mother uses.
她喜欢意式烹饪
She likes cooking Italian because according to her,
她说罗马人也这么做给耶稣吃
that's what the Romans made Jesus eat.
有意思
Interesting.
我改天晚上叫你过来吃
I'll have to have you over for spaghetti some night.
我现在就饿了
I'm hungry now.
好吧
Oh. Um,okay.
那一小时后过来吧
Why don't you give me an hour and come over?
能不能切点热狗丁
Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks
加到酱汁里
and mix them in with the sauce?
我没有热狗
I don't have hot dogs.
没关系 我有
{c I do.
你就要做我妈妈所说的"美意大餐"
Oh! You're in for what my mother calls "a real Eye-talian treat".
你去哪了
Hey,where you been?
我刚刚和佩妮聊天呢
I was talking with Penny.
你怎么能这样
What's wrong with you?
你不能和室友的前任一起玩
You can't hang out with your roommate's ex.
这未免太逊了
That's totally uncool.
没关系 我不在乎
No,it's fine. I don't care.
我已经走出来了
I'm over it.
对 走出来了 所以他整天都在怨念
{c that's why he's been whining all day
要发明《黑超战警》里的洗脑装置
about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.
他有进展了吗
Is he making any progress?
因为我想忘掉本•阿弗莱克居然演过《超胆侠》
Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.
本•阿弗莱克也会想洗脑的
So would Ben Affleck.
重点是 面对这种情况
The point is,in a situation like this
你得做出选择
you got to pick sides.
要么选莱纳德队 要么选择佩妮队
You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.
哪个是选剩下的
Which one picks last?
什么
What?
我通常都只能在选剩下的那队
Well,usually I'm on the team that picks last.
除非有坐轮椅的孩子一起玩
Unless there's a kid in a wheelchair.
谢尔顿 我给你买了陈皮鸡丁
Sheldon,I got you your tangerine chicken.
你应该饿了吧
I hope you're hungry.
我当然饿了
Well,of course I'm hungry.
而且我没打算跟别的队吃饭
And as I have no plans to eat with any other team,
我会津津有味地
I will consume my tangerine chicken
吃光陈皮鸡丁
with the appropriate gusto.
好吧
Okay.
只是出于好奇 我们还有热狗吗
Just out of curiosity,do we still have hot dogs?
不知道 怎么了
I don't know. Why?
吃饭时随便聊聊而已
Just making dinner conversation.
加油 小莱队
Go,Team Leonard!
啊 太好吃了
Oh,God,this is good.
我问你个问题
Let me ask you a question.
你觉得你会因为
Do you believe you're going to go to hell
吃糖醋排骨而下地狱吗
for eating sweet and sour pork?
犹太人不相信有地狱
Jews don't have hell.
我们相信有胃酸倒流
We have acid reflux.
你要吃最后一只饺子吗 谢尔顿
Do you want the last dumpling,Sheldon?
当然
Certainly.
我又没有因为很快要吃第二餐
It's not like I have to moderate my food intake
而故意限制食物摄入量
because I'm planning on eating again very shortly.
大家今晚想玩什么
So,you guys want to do something tonight?
我不行
Nah,I can't.
我要去水中有氧运动班接我妈
I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class.
十八个超重妇女在游泳池里
18 overweight women flapping their arm fat
甩着肥大的手臂
in a swimming pool.
就像海洋世界里的海牛
Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World.
你呢 拉杰
What about you,Raj?
这算什么
Oh,there it is:
你没有女朋友了
now that you don't have a girlfriend,
就又想跟我玩了
you want to hang out with me again.
-我什么时候没跟你玩了 -少来了
- I never stopped hanging out with you. - Oh,please,
大家都清楚你没有人了
we all know I'm the friend you call
才会来找我
when you have no other options.
如果我们是正义联盟 我就是海王子
If we were the Justice League,I'd be Aquaman.
我倒希望你是海王子
I wish you were Aquaman.
我就能派你去老人池里把我妈舀出来
Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank.
抱歉 我渴了 我要去冰箱里
Excuse me,I'm thirsty,so I'm going to go to the refrigerator
拿点清凉饮料喝
and get myself a refreshing beverage.
算了 我今晚就一个人过吧
You know what? I'll just spend the evening alone.
怎么 我突然就不配陪你了
What,suddenly I'm not good enough for you?
我最爱饮料了
I do so love beverages.
我现在要去饭后散步了
Now I think I'll take my after-dinner walk.
你什么时候开始饭后散步了
Since when do you take after-dinner walks?
你什么时候开始散步了
Yeah,since when do you take walks?
我在网上看过一篇论文 饭后百步走
I read a study online that walking after a meal
一种有利于神经细胞间冲动传导的有机物
不仅有助于消化 还能增加5-羟色胺的含量
not only aids in digestion,but increases serotonin,
而且你们也知道的 如果说相比提神饮料
and you know me,if there's one thing I like
我更喜欢什么 那肯定就是5-羟色胺了 拜拜
more than a refreshing beverage,it's serotonin. Bye-bye.
等等 我和你一起走
Hold on. I'll walk down with you.
没那个必要吧
That's not necessary.
你先走吧
You can go first.
要么咱俩一起走
Or we could go together.
我想不出什么理由拒绝你
I can't think of a reason why not.
咱们走吧
Let's go.
等一下
Hold on.
没事 我还是想不出什么理由
Nope,no reason.
我好想你
I've missed you.
行了 代我向你妈妈问好
All right,say hello to your mother for me.
行啊
Okay.
干嘛
What?
你刚说你要去散步的
You said you were going for a walk.
我又没说要去外面散步
I didn't say outside.
然后呢 你就打算来来回回地跑楼梯吗
So what,you're just gonna walk up and down the stairs?
不会 当然不会
No,of course not.
那样的话就太可疑了
That would be odd and suspicious behavior.
到这儿来 拉塞尔 过来呀 宝贝儿
Here,Russell! Here,boy!
你往哪边走
Which way are you going?
你 往哪边走
Which way are you going?
我把摩托车停在街那边了
I parked my scooter down the block.
我走另一边 拜拜
I'm going the other way. Bye.
拜拜
Bye.
其实是停在这边
Actually,I'm this way.
这是热狗的味道吗
Do I smell hot dogs?
不是 我是说 我不知道你闻到了什么
No. I mean,I have no idea what you smell.
我绝对闻到了生热狗的味道
I definitely smell raw hot dog.
估计是你的脑子里有肿瘤吧
Perhaps you're getting a brain tumor.
好了 散步愉快
All right,have a nice walk.
我会的 祝你开车愉快
I shall. Have a nice scoot.
你最好站开点儿
You might want to stand back.
寡人的坐骑有13马力呢
I'm sitting on top of 13 horses here.
你好啊 狗狗
Oh. Hello,doggie.
乖狗狗
Nice doggie.
估计你是闻到热狗的香味了
I bet you think you smell hot dogs.
看 有猫咪
Look,a cat!
佩妮
Penny?
佩妮
Penny.
佩妮
Penny.
给
Here.
剩下的热狗被我拿去保命了
I had to trade the others for my life.
喂 莱纳德
Hey,Leonard?
怎么了
Yeah?
我有一年没做爱了
I haven't had sex in a year.
你想干嘛 拉杰
Where you going with this,Raj?
别自作多情了 老兄
Don't flatter yourself,dude.
我想出去找个女人
I want to go out and meet a woman.
那就去呗 -我要找个帮手
- So,go. - Well,I need a wingman.
我不想让自己看着像个失败的剩男
I don't want to come off like a lonely loser.
你觉得我跟你去你就不剩了吗
And you think my presence will help with that?
对呀
Well,I do.
有你在旁边 我有更有把握了
Next to you,I'll look like a catch.
我今晚不会出去的 拉杰
I'm not going out tonight,Raj.
好吧
All right.
你介意我到你房间去
Would you mind if I went to your room
下载几部亚系A片看吗
and downloaded some Asian pornography?
非常介意
Very much.
我可以不看亚系的
Doesn't have to be Asian.
别担心 总有一天你会遇见一个好姑娘的
Don't worry. You'll meet a girl someday.
-不可能的 -绝对可能 而且还很漂亮
- No,I won't. - Yes,you will,and she'll be beautiful.
善良 性感 幽默
And kind and sexy and funny
绝对是你梦中情人的样子
and everything you ever wanted in a woman.
你真这么觉得
You really think so?
没错 你会一发不可收拾地
I do,and you'll fall hopelessly in love
爱上她 向她敞开心扉
and give her your heart.
然后她会拿走你的心 残忍地撕成碎片
And she'll take it and grind it into pathetic,little pieces.
但我们到时候会先上床 对吧
But we'll have sex first,right?
真正的美意大餐
That's Eye-talian.
莱纳德不介意你过来吧
So,um,was Leonard okay with you coming over?
不介意
Oh,yes.
其实他说了 "我没事 我不在乎"
In fact,he said,"I'm fine. I don't care."
而且他的语气绝对不会
And he in no way said it in a manner
让人觉得他在掩饰心中的
which would lead one to believe that he was covering up
痛苦与背叛
feelings of anguish and betrayal.
-很好嘛 -我还要
- Well,good. - I'm also
很高兴地告诉你他曾为你大声痛哭
pleased to report that he's all cried out over you.
他哭过
He's been crying?
我又漏说了一件
Oh,I believe that was something else
不该跟你提起的事
I wasn't supposed to mention.
哦 天哪 我好难过
Oh,God,I feel terrible.
你也胃疼吗
Do you have a stomachache,too?
没有啊 怎么了 你胃疼吗
No. Why,do you?
不疼
No.
那你为啥问我是不是也胃疼
Why did you ask if I had one,too?
就是吃饭的时候随便聊聊
Just making polite dinner conversation.
该你说了
Your turn.
好吧
All right.
那你最近有啥新鲜事儿吗
So,what's new in your life?
我的新鞋不适合跑步
Well,my new shoes are not made for running.
你去跑步了
Have you been running?
没有
No.
这只是我的怀疑
It's just a suspicion I have.
-我很高兴你这么喜欢我的手艺 -没错
- I'm so glad you like it. -I do.
莱纳德从来没给我做过饭
Leonard never cooks for me.
估计是因为莱纳德不会做饭吧
Well,maybe that's 'cause Leonard can't cook.
你也不会做饭 但是你为我做了这些
You can't cook and you made me this.
随便啦
Whatever.
对了 还有芝士蛋糕在冰箱里
Ooh,I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.
天 我要下犹太人的地狱了[胃酸倒流]
Oh,Lord,I'm in Jewish hell.
你看这个
Look at this.
你觉得她这动作是真的呢
Do you think she's really doing that
还是PS出来的
or is it PhotoShop?
我很确定玛莎•斯图尔特绝对不会光着身子
I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked
著名女企业家 曾因经济犯罪入狱
和一屋子的日本大胖子呆在一起
with a room full of big,fat Japanese guys.
你又不知道
You don't know that.
监狱能改变一个人的
Prison changes people.
你刚去哪儿了
Hey,where you been?
跟你说了嘛 散步啊
I told you,walking.
你散了一个半小时的步
For an hour and a half?
我迷路了
I got lost.
你怎么会迷路的 你的手机上有GPS啊
How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.
卫星出故障了 有太阳风暴
Satellites are down. Solar flares.
这会儿没有太阳风暴
There are no solar flares right now.
不对 有的
Yes,there are.
老兄 我是搞天体物理的
Dude,I'm an astrophysicist.
要是有太阳风暴的话 我绝对会知道
If there were solar flares,I'd be all up in it.
抱歉 我说错了
I'm sorry. I misspoke.
我刚才其实想说我手机没电了
What I meant to say was my battery died.
他到底是怎么回事啊
What the hell was that about?
不知道
I don't know.
你觉得这真的是希拉里•克林顿在和欧普拉嘿咻吗
Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah?
哦 我们真得给你找个小妞了
Oh,we really need to get you a girl.
莱纳德
Leonard.
莱纳德
Leonard.
莱纳德
Leonard.
滚进来吧
Oh,just come in!
谢谢你这么痛快地让我进来了
Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
你想干嘛 谢尔顿
What do you want,Sheldon?
可能现在不是时候
Maybe this isn't a good time.
快说你干嘛吵醒我 不然我对天发誓我会杀了你
Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.
你真觉得用死亡威胁我
Do you really think death threats
是展开谈话的恰当方式吗
are an appropriate way to begin this conversation?
有时候 你的社交能力少得简直让我震惊
Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.
你到底想干嘛
What do you want?
你最好先坐下
You may want to sit down.
我正躺着呢
I'm in bed!
了解
Point taken.
你最好先坐起来
You may want to sit up.
谢尔顿
Sheldon!
我一直在背着你见佩妮
I've been seeing Penny behind your back.
好吧
Okay...
你说你"见佩妮" 到底什么意思
When you say "seeing Penny," what exactly does that mean?
我们昨晚一起吃晚餐了
We had dinner last night.
她给我做了意粉加热狗丁
She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it.
虽然热狗丁很少
Well,little hot dog.
因为还有五根热狗我都给那条真的狗狗吃了
I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog.
很大只的真的狗狗
A real,big dog.
是条该死的猎狗
A hell hound.
我好像离题太远了
Tangential to the primary story.
等下再绕回来说如何
How about I circle back to it?
好
Fine.
你为什么要跟佩妮一起晚餐
Why did you have dinner with Penny?
我说过了 她做了意粉加热狗丁
I told you,she made spaghetti with little hot dogs.
我喜欢吃意粉加热狗丁
I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.
那你为什么还跟我们一起吃中餐
Then why did you have Chinese food with us?
我是怕你不高兴
I didn't want to upset you.
霍华德说得很清楚 我应该先效忠于
Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be
男同志 而不是为钱卖身的女人们
to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
莫非他说的是 兄弟比妓女重要
Is it possible he said,"Bros before hos"?
对 我改了下措辞 避免提到妓女这个词
Yes,but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.
谢尔顿 你跟佩妮做不做朋友我都无所谓
Sheldon,I don't care if you want to be friends with Penny.
这么说 一直困扰我让我噩梦连连的
Oh. Well,so the emotional turmoil that's been keeping me
这种情绪波动 真的是完全不应该啊
from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified?
没错
Yes.
要是我奶奶肯定会说
Well... then as my meemaw would say,
我们在这宰猪待客 可居然没人想吃培根[都不领情]
"Looks like we butchered a pig,but nobody wanted bacon."
我想是的
I guess not.
现在 之前我承诺过的 那个题外话
And now,as promised,the tangent.
谢尔顿大战猎狗记
Sheldon and the Hell Hound.
或者说"谁动了我的热狗"
Or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.
我还是回头再来吧
I,I can come back.
别傻了
D-don't be silly.
我们是邻居
We're neighbors.
抬头不见低头见
We're going to run into each other.
还是早点习惯的好
May as well get used to it.
嗯 你说得对
Yeah,I guess you're right.
你习惯了吗
You used to it yet?
-还没 -我也是
- Nope. - Me neither.
谢尔顿好像认为他跟你出去
Oh,Sheldon seemed to think that I would be upset
我会不高兴
about you hanging out with him.
我只是告诉你 没事的
But I just want you to know it's fine.
太好了 因为他妈妈打电话给我了
Oh,oh,good,because,um,his mother called me.
他妈妈
His mother?
对 她想让我带他出去买床单和毛巾
Yeah,she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels.
我本来打算带他去的
I was going to do that.
是吗 那还是你带吧
Oh,well,then you... you do it.
不 我根本就不想带 还是你来吧
No,I don't want to do it. You can do it.
好 那你可以带他去买鞋
Okay,you can take him for shoes.
我刚带他去买过鞋
I just took him for shoes.
我只知道他说那鞋子挤脚
Well,all I know is he says they hurt his feet.
好吧 下周六我会带他去买鞋
Fine. I'll take him for shoes next Saturday.
不行不行 我们一帮同事
Oh,no,no,no-- a bunch of us from work
下周六要去迪斯尼乐园
are going to Disneyland next Saturday
谢尔顿也想一起去
and Sheldon wants to come.
你们要带他去迪斯尼乐园
You're taking him to Disneyland?
我讲电话订计划的时候他正好听到
Well,he heard me making plans on the phone.
那我还能拒绝吗
Was I going to say "no"?
好吧
All right.
你们让他塞一堆垃圾食品前 记得先跟我说下
But let me know if you're going to stuff him with junk food.
我可不想帮他打包回一顿美餐
I don't want to bring home a nice dinner for him
结果只能浪费掉
and see it go to waste.
我们是去迪斯尼乐园玩
We're going to Disneyland.
他肯定会吃垃圾食品
He's going to eat junk food.
我只是说 事先跟我打个招呼
All I'm saying is give me a heads-up.
好吧 随便吧
Okay,whatever.
还有别让他吃饱了再去玩太空山
And don't let him go on Space Mountain after he eats.
他会说没问题 但我敢肯定
He'll say he can handle it,but I promise
他绝对会把油条都吐你鞋子上
you'll end up with churro puke on your shoes.
好的 明白 还有什么提醒的吗
All right,got it. Is there anything else?
有 别让他靠近高飞狗
Yeah,don't let Goofy near him.
他会噩梦连连 到时候还得我处理
He'll have nightmares and I'll have to deal with it.
高飞狗有什么问题
What's the problem with Goofy?
我也想知道 不过让他靠近布鲁托没事
Wish I knew. He's fine with Pluto.
你觉得《超人总动员》里那个弹力女超人
Hey,do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles
需要用避孕套吗 还是她自己就能变成套子
needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?
就这样吧
Well,that's it.
能聊的话题正式都谈完了
We're officially out of things to talk about.
我们回来了
We're home.
都晚上十点了 你们去哪了
It's 10:00.Where have you been?
我们留在那看加州冒险乐园的喷泉秀
We stayed for the California Adventure water show.
纯粹因为迪斯尼魔力太大
It was pure Disney magic.
我准备跟他一起去看的
I was going to see that with him.
那我怎么知道
How was I supposed to know that?
没事的 我会跟你一起再去看一遍的
It's all right. I'll see it again with you.
我还帮他带了吃的 你说过你会先打电话的
And I have food here. You said you were going to call.
我知道是我不好
I know,I know.
我还吃得下
I can still eat.
不行 你已经吐过一次了
No,you already threw up once.
去换上睡衣刷牙
Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.
好吧 但你们俩别吵架
Okay,but just don't fight
-我们没在吵架 -快去
- We're not fighting. - Just go.
你不谢谢佩妮带你去迪斯尼乐园玩吗
Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland?
谢谢你 佩妮
Thank you,Penny.
不客气 亲爱的
You're welcome,sweetie.
想来杯咖啡吗
Want a cup of coffee?
我还是先走吧
Oh,um,I should probably get going.
好了 就一杯咖啡而已
Come on. It's just a cup of coffee.
我也觉得这整件事有点扭曲
Uh,yeah,the whole thing seems a little twisted to me,too.
这是什么气味
What am I smelling?
谢尔顿吐在我鞋子上的油条
Sheldon's churro on my shoes.
他睡着的时候 看着真像天使
He's such an angel when he's asleep.
是啊
Yeah.
可惜他还会醒来
Shame he has to wake up.
我觉得我们能做到的
I think we can do it.
趁谢尔顿睡着时闷死他 那不合适吧
Smother Sheldon in his sleep?Wouldn't that be wrong?
不 你跟我 做朋友
No,be friends. You and me.
当然
Oh. Sure.
绝对没问题
Absolutely.
很好 我很开心
Good. I'm glad.
我有个主意 我就随便说说
Here's an idea. I'm just throwing it out there:
当炮友如何
friends who have sex.
晚安 莱纳德
Good night,Leonard.
我开玩笑的
Kidding.
只是朋友间玩笑打混而已
Just a couple of friends Goofing around.
不 高飞狗 别
No,Goofy,no.
-
第三季第19集
喘不过气了吗
Having a little trouble catching your breath there?
不 不 我没事儿
No,no,I'm good.
要是体育老师早告诉我刻苦训练是为了这个
If my P.E. teachers had told me this is what I was training for,
我就会试着再努力点
I would have tried a lot harder.
要么去做 要么放手 没有尝试一说
"Do or do not. There is no try."
你刚引用了星战的台词吗
Did you just quote star wars?
[星战第五部]
我引用的应该是《帝国反击战》的台词
I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back.
老天爷
Oh,my God.
[尤达：星战人物]
我居然和一个能引用尤达大师的话的美女躺在一起
I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda.
我爱你 佩妮
I love you,Penny.
谢谢
Thank you.
不客气
You're welcome.
我只是不吐不快而已
I just wanted to put that out there.
不 我很高兴
Oh,yeah,no,I-I'm-I'm glad.
那就好
Good.
-高兴就好 -嗯
- Glad is good. - Yeah.
没手表
No,no...
呃...已经很晚了
So,it's getting pretty late.
-我们差不多该睡觉吧 -对
- We should probably go to sleep. - Yeah.
-对 -该睡了
- Okay. - Yeah,probably.
-晚安 亲爱的 -晚安
- Okay,good night,sweetie. - Good night.
莱纳德 你对巨型蚂蚁这个问题持什么立场
Hey,Leonard,where do you come down on giant ants?
谢尔顿说不可能有
Sheldon says impossible.
霍华德和我都觉得不仅可能
Howard and I say not only possible,
[蝙蝠战车：蝙蝠侠的座驾]
而且作为一种交通工具 比蝙蝠战车酷多了
but as a mode of transportation,way cooler than a Batmobile.
你忽视了平方/立方定律
You are ignoring the square-cube law.
巨型蚂蚁会被
The giant ant would be crushed
自身的骨骼重量压垮
under the weight of its own exoskeleton.
而且准确来说
And for the record,
真正酷的交通工具排名应该是
the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is:
[悬滑板引自《回到未来2》 传送器引自《星际迷航》]
喷射背包 悬滑板 传送器 蝙蝠战车
jet pack,hoverboard,transporter,Batmobile,
然后才是巨型蚂蚁
and then giant ant.
有没有搞错
Seriously?
你们就没别的事干
You have nothing better to do
只能坐在这里聊巨型蚂蚁存在的可能性吗
than sit around and discuss the possibility of giant ants?
他怎么了
What's with him?
估计他到了每月一次的敏感期了
Perhaps he's at a sensitive point in his monthly cycle.
你是说他来大姨夫了[与Menstruating同音]
Are you saying he's man-strating?
不是字面意义上的
Not literally.
但早在十七世纪
But as far back as the 17th century,
科学家就发现男性荷尔蒙水平
scientists observed a 33-day fluctuation
有个33天的波动周期
in men's hormone levels.
有意思
Interesting.
难怪我每月中旬都会两眼泪汪汪
That might explain my weepy days in the middle of the month.
你知道我在说什么
You know what I'm talking about.
[潜台词: 别说得这么暧昧...]
算了 不说巨型蚂蚁
Okay,forget giant ants.
巨型兔子呢
How about giant rabbits?
不管大小 我都不喜欢兔子
Big or small,I don't like rabbits.
兔子总是看似很想说话
They always look like they're about to say something,
但从来不开口
but they never do.
兔子倒是有呼吸系统
Rabbits do have a respiratory system
支撑巨大的体型
that would support great size.
并且 兔子是少数哺乳动物中
And on a side note,they are one of the few mammals
阴囊长在阴茎前的
whose scrotum is in front of the penis.
也许这才是他们想谈论的
Maybe that's what they want to talk about.
莱纳德 你对巨型兔子和阴囊位置
Leonard,where do you stand on giant rabbits
持啥态度
and scrotal position?
我一点都不在乎
I honestly don't care.
是吗
Really?
每次我们谈到不寻常的动物生殖器
Because every time we've talked about unusual animal genitals,
你总会有些有力且富争议性的观点
you've always had some pretty strong and controversial opinions.
你想让我说什么
What do you want from me?
我就是不鸟这个
I just don't give a rat's ass.
有没有巨型老鼠屁屁
Would that be a giant rat's ass?
准确来说 巨型老鼠是有可能存在的
For the record,giant rats are possible.
我们能不能说点别的
Can we please talk about something else?
比如稍微跟我们生活有关
Maybe something vaguely related
而且是地球上的东西
to life as we know it on this planet?
这个话题怎么样
Okay,how about this for a topic:
为什么莱纳德是个大混蛋
Why is Leonard being a giant douche?
假设大混蛋有可能存在
Assuming giant douches are possible.
当然有
Of course they are.
莱纳德就是一个
Leonard's being one.
说不定他和佩妮发生了"爱爱"口角
Maybe he's having a lover's spat with Penny.
才怪 我们没吵架
No,there was no spat.
但确实发生了点状况
Oh,but something happened.
我不想谈这个
I don't want to talk about it.
我觉得你想说 我不想听
But I sense you're going to and I don't want to hear about it.
失陪
Excuse me.
你干啥了 罗密欧
What'd you do,Romeo?
往身上倒枫蜜
You pour maple syrup all over your body
问她有没有性致玩3P
and ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack?
你是不是穿她的内裤跳来跳去取悦她
Did you think it would be funny to put on a pair of her panties
结果把她吓着了
and jump around,but it wound up just creeping her out?
什么 没有
What? No.
我只是问问 老兄
I'm just asking,dude.
没准儿呢[Raj深受其害]
It happens.
你们参加今晚的保龄球赛吗
You guys still on for bowling tonight?
当然参加
Oh,yes.
我还准备了几句垃圾话呢
In fact,I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion.
你打得跟你妈一个水准
You bowl like your mama.
不过 如果她打得很好
Unless,of course,she bowls well.
那就是 你打得跟你妈大相径庭
In which case,you bowl nothing like her.
哦 唉哟
Oh. Ouch.
这就是灼烈言辞的效果
That is what is referred to as a burn on you.
你要求她滴蜡吗
Did you ask her to start waxing?
没有
No.
你滴蜡了
Did you start waxing?
没有
No.
是不是做爱时
While making love,
你不小心拍了自己屁股
did you accidentally spank your own ass
然后大声哭喊"妈咪"
and cry out,"Mommy"?
我懒得理你们
I'm walking away from you now.
他没否定哎
That wasn't a no.
看来我们猜得越来越靠谱儿了
Yeah,I think we're getting close.
你是在跟她上床的时候
Did you take a Benadryl
此药会造成昏昏欲睡
吃了片苯海拉明然后睡着了么
and fall asleep while pleasuring her?
你可能会因此丢了小命儿哎
Because you can die that way.
牡丹花下死 做鬼也风流啊
Oh,that would be a good way to go.
-嗨 -嗨
- Hi. - Oh,hey.
太好了 佩妮
Good,Penny.
友情提示 今晚7点 保龄之夜
Reminder: bowling tonight at 7:00.
噢对 保龄
Oh,right,bowling.
你要是不想来也不用勉强
You don't have to come if you don't want to.
不会啊 没那回事儿
No,no,it's okay.
说实话 没我的话你们指定输得巨惨
I mean,let's face it,you guys would get creamed without me.
确实
We would indeed.
就此特殊情况来看
In this particular case,
你纯爷们儿的气质对我们十分有利
your lack of femininity works to our advantage.
跟你聊天总是这么开心 谢尔顿
It's always nice chatting with you,Sheldon.
是讽刺吗
Sarcasm?
是毫不掩饰的轻视你
Thinly veiled contempt.
-别忘了 7点 -知道啦
- Remember: 7:00. - Got it.
-是太平洋夏令时 -咋着吧
- Pacific Daylight time! - Bite me!
请把这纯爷们儿的气场发挥在赛场上吧
Please reserve that butch spirit for the lanes.
你不是要带自己的保龄球鞋来吗
I thought you were bringing your own bowling shoes.
这双就是我自己的啊
These are my own bowling shoes.
那你还消什么毒啊
Then what's with the disinfectant?
我脚踩过啥地方我知道
I know where my feet have been.
嗨 佩妮
Hey,Penny!
还有各位路人
And you guys.
阿尔比诺•鲍勃不能来了
Albino Bob couldn't make it,
所以我带了个替补来
so I brought a substitute.
相信你们中有人认识他
I believe some of you know
威尔•惠顿
Wil Wheaton.
威尔•惠顿 《星际迷航》中的演员
嗨 谢尔顿 近来如何啊
Hi,Sheldon. How's it going?
哎哟哟
Well,well,well.
这不是威尔•惠顿嘛
If it isn't Wil Wheaton,
我家蜘蛛侠的敌人 绿魔
the Green Goblin to my Spider-Man.
我家伽利略的对头 教皇保罗五世
the Pope Paul V to my Galileo,
我家火狐的对手 IE浏览器
the Internet Explorer to my Firefox.
我上次纸牌锦标赛赢了你
You're not still carrying a grudge
你不会还怀恨在心呢吧
because I beat you at that card tournament,are you?
我可是"臭威尔惠顿"
I'm the proud owner
企业网站 互联网站和机构网站的所有人
of wilwheatonstinks.com,.net,and .org.
知道这说明什么吗
What does that tell you?
这说明你无时无刻都在想着我
It tells me that I am living rent-free right here.
准备好比赛了么
You ready to bowl?
当然准备好了
Oh,I'm ready.
我不知道斯图尔特有没有告诉你
I don't know if Stuart told you
今晚你的对手是谁
what you're up against tonight,
不过站在你面前的人就是
but before you stands the co-captain of the
东德克萨斯州青年基督徒圣保龄同盟会
East Texas Christian Youth Holy Roller Bowling League
冠军队的联盟队长
championship team.
7到12岁参赛组
Seven- to 12-year-old division.
佩妮打得也不错
Also,Penny's pretty good.
很好 那燃起战火吧
Great. Then it's on.
愚蠢的威尔•惠顿 战火就没灭过
Oh,foolish Wil Wheaton,it was never off.
好的
Yes!
常见的补中
A common spare.
保龄赛会上的"特工佳丽"
The Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant.
在你登陆Twitter
Before you jump on Twitter
然后吹嘘自己那可以无视的成就之前
to tout your modest accomplishment,
看看什么叫真正的高手
watch how it's really done.
吾乃此球
I am the ball.
吾念乃其念
My thoughts are its thoughts.
其洞乃吾洞
Its holes are my holes.
好的
Yes.
推特这个吧 推特鸟
Tweet that,Tweety Bird.
我只想跟你说
Hey,I just wanted to tell you
我是你的粉丝
I'm a big fan.
谢了
Oh,thanks.
你肯定被《星际迷航》的问题问得想吐了
I'm sure you're probably sick of Star Trek questions,
不过乌比•戈德堡 你有没那个啊
but Whoopi Goldberg-- you ever hit that?
啤酒啊
Ah,beer.
能让这个可怜害羞的印度男孩
The magic elixir that can turn this poor,shy Indian boy
成为耀眼人物的神奇药剂
into the life of the party.
好耶
Oh,yeah.
吃辣味奶酪薯条吗
Chili cheese fry?
好啊 我爱辣味奶酪薯条
Yes. I love chili cheese fries.
真的 你爱吃啊
Really? You love them?
是啊 怎么了
Yeah,why?
没事啊 只是很高兴听到
No reason. I'm just glad to hear
你对表达爱意毫无障碍
you're comfortable saying you love something.
你真的想现在谈这事儿吗
Do you really want to get into this right now?
谈啥事儿
Get into what?
你怎么会不爱吃辣味奶酪薯条呢
Why wouldn't you love the chili cheese fries?
这么多年你一直都在吃
They've been in your life a long time.
它们让你心情大好
They make you happy.
它们应该知道你对它们的爱
They deserve to know.
昨晚我只是被你吓到了
Look,you just caught me by surprise last night.
我不知道说什么好
I didn't know what to say.
好 到现在给你的思考时间够久了吧
Okay,well,now you've had some time to think about it.
那你想说什么
So,what do you want to say?
我不确定
I'm not sure.
你怎么会不确定
How can you not be sure?
在这谈论这事儿不太合适
Okay,this isn't the place to have this conversation.
对啊 合适的地方是在床上
No,the place to have the conversation was in bed
在我说了"我爱你"
after I said,"I love you"
你说"谢谢 晚安"之后
and you said,"Thank you. Good night."
别逼我 莱纳德
Don't push it,Leonard.
-我没逼你 -你逼我了
- I am not pushing anything. - You are.
你没权利决定我什么时候准备好说"我爱你"
You don't get to decide when I'm ready to say "I love you!"
原来是过早的告白问题
Ah,the premature "I love you."
我猜的是过"早"的问题 算对吗
I guessed "premature." Does that count?
佩妮
Penny.
佩妮
Penny.
佩妮
Penny.
干嘛
What?
给你的
This is for you.
冰淇淋
Ice cream?
我通过研读连环画《凯西》[一部讲述女人生活的漫画]
I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises.
努力想要熟悉雌性生物的感情危机
by studying the comic strip Cathy.
她一沮丧就会说"日" 然后吃冰淇淋
When she's upset,she says,"Ack!" and eats ice cream.
日啊
Ack!
你要是只猫 我就给你带千层面了
If you were a cat,I would have brought you a lasagna.
是莱纳德让你来的吗
Did Leonard send you over here?
不 自从你昨晚突然离开
No,we haven't spoken
我们还没说过话
since your abrupt departure last night
害得我们昨天输给斯图尔特
caused us to forfeit to Stuart
和他那卑鄙邪恶的不法参赛者 威尔•惠顿
and his dastardly ringer Wil Wheaton.
为此我很抱歉
Yeah,I'm sorry about that.
我毫不自豪地承认昨天我是哭着睡着的
I'm not too proud to admit that I cried myself to sleep.
再次说声抱歉
Again,I'm sorry.
让我来告诉你吧
And let me tell you,sleep did not
有莱纳德在隔壁嘶吼摇滚歌手莫莉莎的歌
come easily with Leonard in the next room
你就很难睡着了
singing along with Alanis Morrisette.
你开玩笑吧
You're kidding.
不 很显然某位来大姨夫的也急需冰淇淋来解闷
No. Clearly another woman in dire need of ice cream.
好吧 谢尔顿
All right,Sheldon,what part of this
有没有什么安慰点的消息
is supposed to make me feel better?
关于这一点
The part where I tell you
我自行决定了来一场复赛
I've engineered a rematch
今晚重新对战斯图尔特他们
with Stuart's team for tonight.
亲爱的 我不知道
Oh,honey,I don't know.
现在和莱纳德在一起感觉怪怪的
Things are a little weird with Leonard right now.
你想让我把他踢出去吗
You want me to remove him from the team?
我是队长 我说了算
I'm the captain. I can do that.
不 没关系
No,no,that's okay.
我去和他谈谈 回来再找你吧
Just let me talk to him,and I'll get back to you.
你准备什么时候找他谈
When are you going to talk to him?
不知道
I don't know.
他在洗衣房 现在去正好
He's in the laundry room now. Now would be a good time.
我不去你就一直烦我烦到死对吧
You're n gonna leave me alone until I do it,are you?
哎呀 这还用问吗
Oh,I think we both know the answer to that question.
我觉得我们应该谈谈
I think we should talk now.
什么 不 没事
Wha...? No,it's okay.
我们不用谈 也没什么可谈
We don't have to talk 'cause there's nothing to talk about.
一切都好
Everything's good.
真的吗
Really?
那你生气不是因为
So,you didn't get all snarky
我对一碗辣味薯条说了句好话
'cause I said something nice to a bowl of chili fries?
好吧 也许我反应过激了
All right,maybe I overreacted.
我们俩感情上不太同步 那又如何
So we're in two different places emotionally. So what?
或许我比你快了一点 没关系
And maybe I'm a little ahead of you. That's fine.
其实很合理 面对现实
In fact,it makes sense,'cause let's face it,
我爱你比你爱我多了整整两年
I've been in this relationship two years longer than you.
莱纳德 你要知道我很在乎你
Look,Leonard,you have to know how much I care about you.
可我以前就是太早说"爱你"
It's just that I've said the "L" word
结果都不欢而散
too soon before,and it didn't work out very well.
是吗
Really?
不知道那是什么情形
I wouldn't know what that's like.
对不起
I'm sorry.
但你明白我的意思
You know what I'm talking about,though.
我明白
Yeah,I do.
我们和好了吗
So,we're good?
对 我就是这个意思
Yes,that's what I'm telling you.
我们很好 好得不得了
We are good. We are great.
太好了 栅栏已补 误会已清
All right! Fence mended,problem swept under the rug.
去打保龄球吧
Time to bowl!
对 我刚刚在偷听
Yes,I was eavesdropping.
因为赌注太大了
There's a lot at stake here.
注意 选手们
Attention,all bowlers:
我强制要求穿这个参加我们的复赛
I've taken the liberty of having these made for our rematch.
"卫斯理•柯洛夏斯"
"The Wesley Crushers"?
不是指卫斯理•柯洛夏斯
No,not The Wesley Crushers.
而是卫斯理碾碎者
The Wesley Crushers.
我不明白
I don't get it.
卫斯理•柯洛夏是
Wesley Crusher was
威尔•惠顿在《星际迷航》里扮演的角色
Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek.
还是不明白
Still don't get it.
这是个极其巧妙的双关语
It's a blindingly clever play on words.
在他所饰演的角色名后面加个复数
By appropriating his character's name and adding the S,
暗示着我们将是彻底终结卫斯理的人
we imply that we we'll be the crushers of Wesley.
好吧 抱歉亲爱的
Okay,I'm sorry,honey,
但你这样写 看起来就好像有好多粉丝
but The Wesley Crushers sounds like a bunch of people
喜欢卫斯理•柯洛夏
who like Wesley Crusher.
不 再次强调 不是卫斯理•柯洛夏粉丝群
No! Again,it's not the Wesley Crushers.
而是卫斯理•柯洛夏终结者
It's the Wesley Crushers.
如果你想表示 你将彻底打败卫斯理
No,if you want it to mean you're crushing Wesley,
就该直接写 打倒卫斯理•柯洛夏
it'd be the Wesley Crushers.
听听你们说的什么胡话
Do you people even hear yourselves?
这不是什么卫斯理•柯洛夏斯
It's not The Wesley Crushers.
也不是卫斯理粉丝群
It's not The Wesley Crushers.
而是卫斯理终结者
It's The Wesley Crushers.
看哪
Hey,look.
他们那队是以我名字命名的
They named their team after me.
不 这才不是...
No,it's not the...
算了
Never mind.
好了 都清楚打赌内容和赌注了
So,we're all clear on the bet and the stakes?
当然 输的一方将接受公开羞辱
Oh,yes. The losers will be publicly humiliated
具体方式由胜者选定
in a fashion to be chosen by the victor.
告诉你 我准备让你们发表篇科学论文
FYI: I plan on having you publish a scientific paper
指Immanuel Velikovsky关于金星大气的假设
详细说明维利科夫斯基那荒谬的假设
expounding the discredited Velikovsky hypothesis.
再次唉哟
Ouch again.
你好 谢尔顿
Hey,Sheldon,
我只想告诉你
I just wanted you to know
我热切期盼着打得你一败涂地
that I'm really looking forward to wiping the floor with you.
真的吗
Oh,yes?
回应你之前 我先问你个问题
Well,before I respond,let me a you a question.
你妈妈保龄球打得好不好
Is your mother a good or poor bowler?
你先
After you.
不 你先
No,after you...
因为我们准备终结你 卫斯理
as we are currently crushing you,Wesley.
右边球道的选手先投 这是种习惯
It's customary for the player on the right-hand lane to bowl first.
好吧
All right.
只是种习惯 并非规则
It's a custom,not a rule.
我真鄙视你
I so loathe you.
就是这样 谢尔顿
That's right,Sheldon.
要学会接受社会阴暗面
Embrace the dark side.
你根本没权利跟我这么说
That's not even from your franchise!
我想让你知道
I,um,I want you to know that
即使我们是对立一方
even though we're on opposite sides,
我始终对你并无恶意
I,I bear you no ill will.
谢谢 斯图尔特 很高兴知道这点
Thank you,Stuart. It's nice to know.
对立双方的人
People from opposite sides
往往都关系非常好
often have good relationships.
比如 罗密欧与朱丽叶
You know,Romeo and Juliet...
《西区故事》里的托尼和玛利亚
Tony and Maria from West Side Story,
《阿凡达》里那个谁和那大蓝妞
what's-his-name and the big blue chick in Avatar.
我要去掷球了
I'm gonna bowl now.
人球合一 霍华德
Be the ball,Howard.
别烦我 谢尔顿
Leave me alone,Sheldon.
你没做到人球合一
You weren't the ball.
谢谢
Hey,thanks.
很好玩是吧
This is fun,huh?
对呀
Yeah.
很高兴我们能出来 来点体育锻炼
It's good that we got out and did something physical.
能分散下注意力
Gets us out of our heads.
人一旦纠结什么事
You get in your head,
很容易就会想多 钻牛角尖 心神不宁还烦恼
you start to overthink,overanalyze,obsess,you worry.
但今晚咱不这样
That's not what we're doing tonight.
今晚咱就专心玩保龄球
Tonight we're just throwing a ball at some pins.
对 就是这样
Yeah,that's right.
也许有一天 未来的某一天
and someday-- we don't know when--
你也会爱回我
maybe you'll love me back.
唔 该我了
Ooh,I'm up.
谢尔顿 谢尔顿 谢尔顿 加油
Shel-don! Shel-don! Shel-don! Shel-don!
不好意思
Excuse me.
真不知道你们是在为谁加油 我现在可是球哦
I don't know who you're chanting for as I am currently the ball.
球球 加油
The ball! The ball!
球球 加油
The ball! The ball! The ball! The ball!
感谢上帝
Thank you,Jesus!
我妈肯定会这么说
As my mother would say.
很高兴你跟你男友言归于好了
I'm glad you patched things up with your boyfriend.
是呀 我也是
Oh,yeah,me,too.
在你毫无准备的时候 面对突如其来的示爱
It's always tough when the "L" bomb gets dropped
一向都很难处理的
and you're not ready for it.
说来听听
Tell me about it.
我就跟这么个女孩约会过
I dated this one girl,
我跟她示爱的时候
and I told her that I loved her,
她说她还不确定[自己感情的归属]
and she said she wasn't sure.
然后跟我藕断丝连将近两年时间
And she strung me along for almost two years.
那实在太残忍了
It was brutal.
太遗憾了
Oh,I'm sorry.
谢谢安慰
Thanks.
宁愿她当场就跟我痛快分手
I wish she had just broken up with me right there,
长痛不如短痛
and put me out of my misery.
真的
Really?
对 那样反而好
Yeah,would have been kinder.
威尔 到你了
Wil,you're up.
该我了
Oh,that's me.
你刚让威尔•惠顿给你洗脑了
Did you let Wil Wheaton get in your head?
你在说什么呀
What are you talking about?
他是个魔鬼 最擅长邪恶的心理战
He's evil. He plays evil mind games.
他是不是跟你说他祖母去世了
Did he tell you his grandmother died?
参见S03E05 谢尔顿的悲惨受骗遭遇
没有
No!
他要是这么说 千万别信
Well,if he does,don't believe it.
他说不定就会骗你他祖母去世博同情
He's not above playing the dead meemaw card.
太棒了
Yes!
好好享受这一时的欢呼吧 威尔•惠顿
Enjoy the accolades now,Wil Wheaton,
但正如你在《星际迷航:下一代》那角色一样命运
but like your time on Star Trek: Next Generation,
你这种自鸣得意 注定只能是一时的
your smug self-satisfaction will be short-lived.
佩妮 该你了
Penny,you're up.
好了 记住 他奶奶还活着
All right,remember,his meemaw's alive
还有 人球合一
and be the ball.
好 明白
Yeah,I got it.
我们必须要打出个全中啊
We really need a strike here.
我知道
I know.
所以慢慢来 集中注意力
So just take your time and concentrate.
莱纳德 别再给我施压了
Leonard,stop pressuring me.
我没在给你施压
I'm not pressuring you.
你就是在 给我让开
Yeah,you are! Just back off!
好吧 抱歉
Okay,I'm sorry.
我这就闭嘴
I'll shut up.
我没想让你闭嘴
I didn't mean "shut up."
好 告诉我该怎么说 我照做就是了
Fine. Just tell me what to do,and I'll do it.
不
No...
莱纳德 这对你不公平 我很抱歉
This isn't fair to you,Leonard. I'm sorry.
等等 你这是去哪
Wait! Where are you going?
佩妮 快回来
Penny,come back!
我再给你买冰激凌
I'll get you ice cream!
别 让她走吧
No,let her go.
你疯了吗
Are you insane?
她要是走了 就完啦
If she leaves,it's over!
我很确定 我们已经完了[情侣关系]
I'm pretty sure it's already over.
谢尔顿 运气不佳嘛
Tough luck,Sheldon.
是你干的 是不是
You did this,didn't you?
你真以为就为了赢一场保龄球比赛
Do you think I would really break up a couple
我会拆散一对情侣
just to win a bowling match?
不 我想不会吧
No,I suppose not.
很好 你就继续这么想吧
Good. Keep thinking that.
对的 我跟你说
Mm-hmm,mm-hmm,yeah,I'm telling you,
Match.com上的妞比eHarmony上的更好泡
the Match.com chicks are much looser than on eHarmony.
Match.com和eHarmony 均为婚恋交友网站
好了 我回头再打给你
You know,I-I gotta call you back.
我打赢了个赌 该验收成果了
I won a bet,and it's time to collect.
[分别为蝙蝠女侠 女超人 神奇女侠 猫女]
不知道你们感觉如何 我觉得自己无比强大
I don't know about you,but I feel empowered.
[ 此帖被半世癫在2014-08-19 01:04重新编辑 ] -
第三季第18集
在"阿凡达"里面 潘多拉星球的人做爱
Okay,in Avatar,when they have sex on Pandora,
就是把辫子结合在一起 也就是说
they hook up their ponytails,so we know their ponytails
他们的辫子就像生殖器一样
are like their junk.
对啊... 所以呢?
Yeah... so?
所以 他们骑马或者骑鸟
So,when they ride horses and fly on the birds,
也是用他们的辫子
they also use their ponytails.
你到底想说什么?
What's your point?
我想说 如果我是马或者鸟
My point is,if I were a horse or a bird,
在詹姆斯•卡梅隆身旁肯定紧张死了
I'd be very nervous around James Cameron.
你真是奇怪
It amazes me how you constantly obsess
总是沉迷于一些科幻细节
over fictional details
现实生活中
when there are more important things
有更重要的事值得考虑
in the real world to worry about.
比如 为什么威廉•夏特纳
For example,why wasn't William Shatner
没有出演新的"星际迷航"呢?
in the new Star Trek movie?
嘿 Sheldon
Hey,Sheldon.
我刚才在楼上行政办公室
I was up in the administration office,
碰巧听到了
and I happened to overhear
今年科学领域
the name of the winner
校长奖得主的名字
of this year's Chancellor's Award for Science.
你是想拿我的贡献又被忽略这件事
And you want to rub my nose in the fact
来让我难堪?
that my contributions are being overlooked again?
我就是理论物理界的威廉•夏特纳
I am the William Shatner of theoretical physics.
好吧 洗耳恭听
All right,I'll play.
今年他们又把奖给了哪个
What self-important,preening fraud
自以为是 洋洋自得的骗子?
are they honoring this year?
噢 很高兴你这么问 就是你
Oh,I'm so glad you asked it like that. You.
- 我得奖了? - 你得奖了
- I won? - You won.
我得奖了!
I won!
太令人鸡冻了
This is astonishing.
倒不是因为是我得了奖... 没人比我更该得这个奖
Not that I won the award... no one deserves it more.
其实是我说错了
Actually,I guess I misspoke.
不是鸡冻 是必然
It's not astonishing,more like inevitable.
我应该先干嘛呢
I'm not sure what to do first.
可能应该先打电话告诉我妈妈
Maybe I should call my mother.
等等! 我知道了... 我要先自我采访一下
Wait! I know... I'm going to conduct an interview
再传到网上去
with myself and post it online.
好事啊
Well,good for him.
是啊 这个理论物理界的威廉•夏特纳
Yeah,the one thing the William Shatner
是需要再自负一点
of theoretical physics needed was an ego boost.
是不是感觉那长矛
Didn't it look like that spear
直接刺穿你的头骨?
was going to go right through your skull?
没觉得
No.
嘿 你在7-11便利店不买思乐冰饮料
Hey,you didn't want a Slurpee at 7-Eleven,
就没有3D眼镜赠品
you don't get glasses.
噢 肯定又有人打电话来祝贺我了
Oh,that will be another congratulatory call for me.
嗯 静音
Uh,mute,please.
等等 等会... 火焰箭来了
Wait,wait. Hang on... flaming arrow.
你好?
Hello?
噢 Morton校长 近来可好 先生?
Oh,Chancellor Morton,how are you,sir?
是啊 我在等您的电话
Yes,I was expecting your call.
三年前
Three years ago.
我知道了
I see.
等等 如果我不发言会怎么样?
Wait. What happens if I choose not to give a speech?
嗯嗯
Uh-huh.
那如果我不想奖励被没收呢?
And if I don't want to forfeit the award?
你想的办法倒是简单
Well,you've got that tied up in a neat little bow.
好吧
All right.
谢谢了
Thank you.
出问题了
Problem.
怎么啦?
What?
他们希望我在颁奖晚会上发言
They expect me to give a speech at the banquet.
我可不会
I can't give a speech.
不是吧 你搞错了
Well,no,you're mistaken.
你整天都在发言
You give speeches all the time.
你不会的是闭嘴
What you can't do is shut up.
对啊 看电影之前
Yeah,before the movie,
你就鳄梨沙拉酱为什么变黄演讲了20分钟
you did 20 minutes on why guacamole turns brown.
它就是在你长篇大论的时候变黄的
It turned brown while you were talking.
和少数人说话我还挺自在的
I am perfectly comfortable speaking to small groups.
但是人多了我就说不出来了
I cannot speak to large crowds.
你觉得怎么样算人多?
What,to you,is a large crowd?
人多到可以踩死我就算多了
Any group big enough to trample me to death.
一般来说就是36个大人或者70个小孩
General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children.
Sheldon 祝贺你啊
Sheldon,congratulations.
我从餐厅里给你带了奶酪蛋糕
Brought you a cheesecake from work.
是庆祝你获奖了
You know,'cause of your award,
不是因为餐馆工在上面打了喷嚏
not because a busboy sneezed on it.
- 我不领奖了 - 为什么?
- I'm not accepting the award. - Why not?
没想到伟大的Sheldon Cooper也会怯场吧
Turns out the great Sheldon Cooper has stage fright.
这可不是退缩的借口
That's no reason to back out.
我以前在高中也得到过一项荣誉
You know,I once got a pretty big honor
当时我也很怕
in high school,and I was terrified
在众人面前亮相
about appearing in front of a big crowd,
但是我克服了 结果呢
but I went through with it,and you know what?
作为漂亮女王团的一名成员
The world looked pretty darn good
坐在福特F-150车后头的干草堆上
sitting on a haystack in the back of a Ford F-150
我感觉世界美得不得了
as a member of the Corn Queen's court.
谢了
Thank you.
对了 我要是被提名为乡下人和平奖
Yeah,I'll bear that in mind
我肯定记住你的话
if I'm ever nominated for the Hillbilly Peace Prize.
Sheldon 你太荒谬了
Sheldon,you're being ridiculous.
我有吗?
Am I?
给你们说个故事吧
Let me tell you a story.
上哪儿去找需要的70个小孩?
Where's 70 children when you need them?
我14岁的时候以Summa cum laude从大学毕业
I was 14 and graduating summa cum laude from college.
"Summa cum laude" 是拉丁语"最高荣誉"的意思
"Summa cum laude" is Latin for "with highest honors."
我特别喜欢 你总是直接跳过
I just love how you always skip
没人发问的地方
over the part where no one asks.
我作为学生代表要致告别辞
I was valedictorian and expected to give an address.
直到现在 我都还记得当时
Even now,I can remember that moment
我走上讲台 注视人群
when I walked up to the podium and looked out at the crowd.
肯定有好几千人
There must have been thousands of people.
我的心扑通扑通直跳
My heart started pounding in my chest.
结果我呼吸过猛
I began to hyperventilate.
视线开始模糊 之后就...
My vision became blurry,and before I knew it...
噢 天哪
Oh,dear.
噢 上帝啊
Oh,my God.
Sheldon啊?
Sheldon?
Sheldon 你没事吧?
Sheldon,are you okay?
别踩着我了
Don't trample me.
得了吧 母亲大人
Come on,Mother.
你明明知道我为啥不能接受那个奖
You know why I can't accept the award.
恕我直言 我没觉得祈祷能帮上啥忙
With all due respect,I don't think praying will help.
不 我没听过"主啊 请掌控这命运之轮"这首歌
No,I have not heard the song,"Jesus,Take the Wheel."
停 停 停 停 停 停
No,no,no,no,no,no,no.
你不用给我唱
You don't need to start singing it.
是的 我自己会去iTunes下载的 母亲大人
Yes,I'll buy it on the iTunes,Mother.
再见 母亲大人
Good-bye,Mother.
你们好
Hello.
快坐下
Sit down.
我们想和你谈谈
We want to talk to you.
我犯错了吗?
Am I in trouble?
我妈给你打电话了?
Did my mother call you?
快坐吧
Just sit.
我们觉得能帮你克服怯场
We think we can help you with your stage fright.
哦 是吗
Oh,I doubt that.
我比你们都聪明
I haven't figured out a way,
但仍未想出解决方案
and I'm much smarter than all of you.
没错 但一个诸葛亮却抵不过三个臭皮匠
Yes,but you're not smarter than all of us put together.
哦 抱歉
Oh,I'm sorry.
我就是那个意思
That is what I meant.
算了 总之你的问题是
Okay. Your problem is,
你想单靠自己来解决这个问题
you're trying to do this all by yourself.
我们可以帮你 做你的后备
We can help you. We can be your team.
就像 X教授和他的X战警
Like,uh,Professor Xavier and his X-Men.
我的确喜欢X战警
I do like the X-Men.
我看过X战警吗?
Did I see X-Men?
我们上周才看过啊
Yeah,we watched it last week.
你还说你很喜欢
You said you liked it.
哦 亲爱的 我说过很多东西
Oh. I say a lot of things,sweetie.
那么 Sheldon 你觉得如何?
So,how about it,Sheldon?
不知道
I don't know.
如果你们是我的X战警 那你们有什么样的能力?
If you're my X-Men,what are your powers?
嗯 我可以带你购物
Okay. Well,I am going to take you shopping,
买套体面的西服
get you a nice suit.
为你增添信心
Might give you more confidence.
这又不是什么突变 让你能
That's not exactly a mutation that would get you
进入X教授为天赋异禀的少年而设的学校 算了 继续吧
into Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters,but go on.
Leonard呢?
Leonard?
我能试着分析你
I thought I could try to analyze you
找出怯场的根源
and get to the root of your anxiety.
你有资格了解我的脑内结构吗?
What qualifies you to attempt to understand my mind?
我老妈是个德高望重的精神科医生
My mother is a highly regarded psychiatrist,
自从她说我过于依赖母乳后
and I've been in therapy ever since she accused me
而且我就一直在接受治疗
of breast-feeding codependently.
Raj说他能教你...
Raj says he can teach you...
叫啥名字?
What did you call it?
没明白... 反正是一些印度冥想之类的邪门偏方
I don't know... some Indian meditation crap.
懂了
I see.
好吧 鉴于其他人
Well,I assume,since the rest of you
的办法都不怎么高明 我假设
have set the bar so low,you're saving
你把最出彩的留着压轴
the most impressive contribution for last.
说吧 Howard
Go ahead,Howard.
给我点惊喜
Dazzle me.
我的能力就是假装
My power is the ability to pretend
不知道你有那个怪毛病
like I give a damn about your piddily-ass problems.
老兄 这可是全天候服务啊
And that's 24-seven,buddy.
我很感谢你的伪装
And I appreciate the pretense.
那么 Sheldon 你觉得如何?
So,what do you say,Sheldon?
我们足够成为你的X战警吗?
Are we your X-Men?
不行
No.
X战警是以Charles Xavier的姓氏首字母命名的
The X-Men were named for the "X" in Charles Xavier.
我叫Sheldon Cooper 自然得叫C战警(与"精液"谐音)啦
Since I am Sheldon Cooper,you will be my C-Men.
哦 这名字真瞎
Oh,that's not a good name.
好了 Sheldon
Okay,Sheldon.
我将要引领你
I'm going to be leading you
进入一系列冥想练习
through a series of meditation exercises.
这套方法源自古代印度的宗教领袖
These methods come from the ancient gurus of India
用来帮助克服自身的恐惧
and have helped me overcome my own fears.
可你到现在还不能跟女人讲话
And yet,you can't speak to women.
没错 但多谢冥想 我已经能
True,but thanks to meditation,I am able to stay
和女人们共处一室 且不会紧张到要小便
in the same room with them without urinating.
现在... 请闭上你的眼睛
Now... close your eyes.
可以 但别打我
Okay,but don't punch me.
啥?
What?
小时候 我妹妹跟我说
When I was little,my sister would say to me,
"闭上眼睛 我给你一个惊喜"
"Close your eyes,you'll get a surprise,"
然后就打了我一拳
and then she'd punch me.
我不会打你的
I'm not going to punch you.
我妹以前也这么说
That's what my sister used to say.
你还想不想做了?
Do you want to do this or not?
抱歉 继续
I'm sorry. Proceed.
很好
All right.
想象你身处在一个地方
Imagine yourself in the one place
能让你有家的感觉
you feel most at home.
在哪儿?
Where is that?
模拟城市(热销游戏)
Sim City.
更具体地说 是我设计的模拟城市...
More specifically,the Sim City I designed...
"谢耳朵大都市"
Sheldonopolis.
好吧 你在"谢耳朵大都市"
Okay,you're in Sheldonopolis.
能否再具体点?
Where exactly?
"谢耳朵广场"? 还是"谢耳朵塔"?
Sheldon Square? Sheldon Towers?
还是"谢耳朵勇士"的大本营 "谢耳朵体育场" ?
Sheldon Stadium,home of the Fighting Sheldons?
你爱哪儿哪儿去
Whatever you like.
我还以为这是引导冥想呢
I thought this was supposed to be a guided meditation.
好吧 你在"谢耳朵广场"
Fine. You're in Sheldon Square.
真的吗? 这个时间点?
Really? This time of year?
可能会很冷啊
It's a bit nippy.
那你不会穿件毛衣
Then,put on a sweater.
那就假设我跑到商业区
Suppose I could run downtown
在"谢尔玛"(音似沃尔玛)买了些东西
and pick up something at Shel-Mart.
随便啦 快去买件毛衣就行了
Yeah,whatever. Just go buy a sweater.
知道吗 "谢尔玛"的好处就是 是我开的
You know,the nice thing about Shel-Mart is I own it,
所以我能打85折
so I get a 15% discount.
行 那个破店是你开的
You own the damn thing.
赶快去买件毛衣吧!
Just take a freaking sweater!
拜托 上一季度我获得的盈利
Look,I didn't turn a profit last quarter
可不是随便卖卖库存就能做到的
by taking product off the shelves willy-nilly.
好了
All right.
你已经买了毛衣 这会儿在"谢耳朵广场"上
You've paid for a sweater,and you're in Sheldon Square.
等下
Hang on.
我买了件开襟羊毛衫 得先把扣子扣好
It's a cardigan. I have to button it.
哦 糟了
Oh,no.
又怎么了?
What now?
一只哥斯拉模样的怪兽 走过来了
A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city.
我要保护我的人民
I have to get my people to safety.
"谢耳朵大都市"的市民们 我是市长先生
People of Sheldonopolis,this is your mayor.
快跟我走
Follow me.
小孩们跑不动就算了 扔下吧
If the children can't run,leave them behind.
哦 原来是假想恐怖!
Oh,the simulated horror!
Raj 人呢?
Raj?
唉 早就料到了
Just as I suspected.
冥想完全就是废话连篇
Meditation is nothing but hokum.
我很怀疑你的假设
I question your premise.
一件新西服怎么能起到防止
How is a new suit going to prevent me
我在舞厅所有人面前不晕倒呢?
from passing out in front of a ballroom full of people?
它可以给你增加信心
It'll give you confidence.
每当有什么事情压得我透不过气时
You know,sometimes when I'm feeling all stressed out
我便出去逛街 买件可爱的上衣
about something,I go out and buy a cute top
或是件好玩的裙子 之后我就有了崭新的生活观
or a fun skirt and I have a whole new outlook on life.
难道你最后没发现
Don't you eventually realize
穿上可爱上衣 穿上好玩裙子后
you're just the same stressed out person
还是饱受压力困扰吗?
in a cute top or a fun skirt?
买好鞋子后我会有这种感觉
Yeah,that's when I buy shoes.
来看看 这都有些什么货
Now,let's see what we've got.
噢!
Ooh!
这件不错
This is nice.
可是单色的
It's only one color.
是的 咋了?
Yeah,so?
才一种颜色的衣服哪里值这么多钱
That's a lot of money for only one color.
好吧
Fine.
你自己挑选你喜欢的好了
Why don't you pick out what you like.
嗯
Hmm.
这件穿上挺像犀利哥的
This is pretty sharp.
像你个大头鬼
No. You're wrong.
这件太棒了
This is great.
六岁时 我有件一模一样的
I had a suit like this when I was six.
好了 这件一定可以了吧
Okay,I think we have a winner.
你从哪翻出来的这玩意?
Where the hell'd you find that?
就舞会专柜那
In the prom department.
太荒唐了
It's ridiculous.
亏你还是漂亮女王团的前成员(该团成员的着装偏好白色)
Says the former member of the Corn Queen's Court.
求你试试这件吧
Please just try this one on.
好吧
Okay.
反正我现在穿啥
But anything I put on now
你都会指责一大通
is only going to suffer in comparison.
这也太荒唐了
This is absurd.
简直就是个小丑
I look like a clown.
那么 Sheldon...
So,Sheldon...
近来可好?
how you doing?
你的心理治疗谈话 就这样开篇?
That's how you start a psychotherapy session?
"近来可好?"
"How am I doing?"
你可是承诺说 要在我的潜意识里
I was promised a riverboat journey
带我进入丛林中 开始一段河船冒险之旅
into the jungles of my subconscious.
结果你跟我说的话 与在Ralph意式餐厅
Instead,I get the same question I hear
为我切大红肠的女服务生的话是一样的
from the lady who slices my bologna at Ralph's.
抱歉 我重来
I'm sorry,I'll start again.
先诉说我做的梦的话 对你是不是有帮助?
Would it be helpful to you if I told you about my dreams?
不清楚 也许会吧
Um,I don't know,maybe.
我最近做了一个梦 我是个巨人
I recently had a dream that I was a giant.
但周围的事物 也变的无比巨大
But everything around me was to scale,
看上去没什么异常
so it all looked normal.
如果周围事物都变大的话
How did you know you were a giant
你是怎么发现自己成了巨人的?
if everything was to scale?
我穿的裤子是一百万码的
I was wearing size a million pants.
我们还是正常聊天吧?
Why don't we just talk?
好的
Ah.
纯粹的聊天
The talking cure.
经典弗洛伊德派 真好
Classical Freudian. Good choice.
如果这样有助于快点解决问题的话
If it will help speed things along,
我的标准罗夏墨迹测验(弗洛伊德的经典投射法人格测验)答案是
uh,my answers to the standard Rorschach inkblot test are
A 一只蝙蝠 B 一只蝙蝠
A) a bat,B) a bat,
C 一只蝙蝠
C) a bat,
D 我爸用皮下注射针头杀害了我妈
and D) my father killing my mother with a hypodermic needle.
还是我来说吧?
Why don't I just start?
有时候
Sometimes
人们拒绝赞扬
people have trouble accepting accolades
是因为潜意识里 觉得自己配不上
if,on a subconscious level,they don't feel they deserve them.
你有没有觉得 现在我们就是这种情况?
Do you think maybe that's what's happening here?
你说呢 Leonard?
Really,Leonard?
你是又想用阿德勒的"自卑情节"学说
You're just going to try to recycle Adler's doctrine
来忽悠我了?
of the inferiority complex?
那我还不如去找Ralph意式餐厅那位服务生呢
I could probably get that from the woman at Ralph's.
她还会让我免费试吃几块奶酪呢
And she'd let me taste some pieces of cheese for free.
但那或许就是你的结症所在
But it could be part of your problem.
我给你举个例子吧
Let me give you an example.
当我八岁的时候
When I was eight,
我做了一个叫"听古典音乐能加速菜豆的生长"的实验
I won a ribbon at the science fair
在科学展览得了奖章
for my project,"Do Lima Beans Grow Better to Classical Music."
可我妈说 那不过是
But my mother pointed out
我哥作品的老调重弹
that it was just a rehash of my brother's earlier
他的实验是 "听摇滚音乐能减缓菜豆的生长"
"Do Lima Beans Grow Worse to Rock & Roll."
我觉得很内疚 便把奖章还了回去
I felt so guilty,I gave the ribbon back.
哦 你是什么感觉呢?
And how did that make you feel?
糟透了
Terrible.
我做那个实验 花了好大力气
I worked really hard on that project.
为了等菜豆发芽
I stayed up all night singing the clown's aria from Pagliacci
我唱了一夜歌剧"丑角"中的"小丑咏叹调"
to a lima bean sprout.
继续诉说
Go on.
又不是我的错
It wasn't my fault.
我从没看过我哥的项目
I had never seen my brother's project.
我妈本可以提前告诉我
And my mother could have told me before
而不是在颁奖仪式上 当着所有人的面前
instead of at the ceremony in front of everyone.
哦 我能听出来
So,I hear you saying
你很生你妈的气
you're angry with your mother.
太对了 我是生我妈的气
Damn right,I'm angry with my mother.
看在上帝的份上 那年我才8岁
For God's sake,I was eight years old.
她当众羞辱了我
She humiliated me.
就是从那时起 我又开始尿床了
That's when the bed-wetting started again.
谢谢你 Leonard
Thank you,Leonard.
谢我什么?
For what?
如果像你这样 受过如此打击的人
If someone as damaged as you
每天都能从床上爬起来 面对生活
can find his way to crawl out of bed each morning,
那我也能应付一个简单的颁奖仪式
I think I can face a simple award ceremony.
等等 这就完了?
Wait,that's it?
我想着我们要进行一整个小时呢!
I thought we had a whole hour!
女士们先生们 晚上好
Good evening,ladies and gentlemen.
我是Leonard Hofstadter博士
My name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter,
很荣幸能够在这里介绍本年度
and it is my very great honor to introduce the winner
总理科学奖的获奖者
of this year's Chancellor's Award for Science
我最好的朋友 Sheldon Cooper博士
and my good friend,Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
在介绍他之前
But before I do,
我想先和各位分享一封来自
I'd like to share with you a letter from Sheldon's mother,
今晚不在场的Sheldon的母亲的信
who couldn't be here tonight.
很温馨吧?
Isn't that nice?
他母亲还专门写了封信
His mother sent him a letter.
她为他而自豪
She's proud of him.
我多希望自己也能有这种经历
I wonder what that feels like.
总之
Anyway,
"亲爱的Shelly"
"Dear Shelly."
这是她对他的爱称
That's what she calls him.
Shelly... 这是小名
Shelly... it's a pet name.
你们知道我母亲给我取的小名是什么吗?
You know what my mother's pet name for me is?
就是Leonard
Leonard.
跑题了哈
But I digress.
"亲爱的Shelly..."
"Dear Shelly..."
哦 天啊
Oh,dear.
怎么了?
What's the matter?
我有点儿晕了
I'm getting dizzy.
别紧张
Don't worry.
你的C战警就在你旁边
You're surrounded by your C-Men.
我不行了
I can't do this.
我要晕倒了
I'm going to faint.
给 喝点儿
Here,drink this.
会让你放松点儿
It'll relax you.
酒?
Alcohol?
我不喝酒
I don't drink alcohol.
那就算了 晕吧
Fine,faint.
没什么变化
I don't feel different.
这酒是次品
This alcohol is defective.
来 试试这个管用不
Here,see if this one works.
首先
First of all,
这两个实验完全不一样
the projects were totally different.
我是想表现出
I was showing
用古典音乐培育菜豆可以
that classical music nurtures lima beans
促进它们生长 但是我妈妈
and makes them grow,but my mother
根本不听我的
didn't hear me.
如果你们想知道
If you'd like to look at the relationship
培育和生长的关系 我要说明的是
between nurturing and growth,I'd like to point out
我哥哥足足比我高了八英寸!
that my brother is eight inches taller than me.
我准备好了
I'm ready.
喔
Oh.
好的
Right.
女士们先生们 有请我们的贵宾
Ladies and gentlemen,our guest of honor
Sheldon Cooper博士
Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
谢谢啦 小矮个 接下来就是我的时间啦
Thanks,shorty,I'll take it from here.
好的 你们想要找点儿乐子吗?
All right,you people ready to have some fun?
你们懂不懂
You have a basic
微分的基本概念?
understanding of differential calculus
有没有至少学过一年的代数拓扑?
and at least one year of algebraic topology?
好的 我要开始讲笑话了
Well,then here come the jokes.
小鸡为什么要穿麦比乌斯圈(拓扑学中的单面环)?
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
为了去同一边... 对了!
To get to the same side... bazinga!
下一个 一个中子走进一家酒吧 问道
All right,a neutron walks into a bar and asks,
"一杯酒多钱?"
"How much for a drink?"
酒保说 "对你免费"(与"无电荷"谐音)
The bartender says,"For you,no charge."
在听吗?
Hello?
我知道你们就在那
I know you're out there.
我可以听到你们在呼进氧气
I can hear you metabolizing oxygen
呼出二氧化碳
and expelling carbon dioxide.
在座有很多学术界的权威人士
Looks like we have some academic dignitaries in the audience.
地理系的Randall博士...
Dr. Randall from the geology department...
[跟take for granted谐音]
唯一一位别人说他"花岗岩脑袋" 也很开心的少有之人
only man who's happy when they take his work for granite.
哈哈哈!
Ba-da cha!
我开地理学家的玩笑呢
I kid the geologists,of course,
只是因为我对这个领域很不屑
but it's only 'cause I have no respect for the field.
接下来我们严肃点
Let's get serious for a moment.
我们为什么会在这里?
Why are we all here?
因为我们都是科学家
'Cause we're scientists.
科学家研究什么呢?
And what do scientists study?
宇宙
The universe.
宇宙是由什么组成的呢?
And what's the universe made of?
很高兴你们问了这个问题
I am so glad you asked.
[The Element's Song 化学元素周期表歌]
* 它含有锑啊 *
* There's antimony *
* 有砷啊 铝啊 硒啊 *
* arsenic,aluminum,selenium *
* 有氢啊 氧啊 氮啊 铼啊 *
* and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium *
* 还有镍啊 钕啊 镎啊 锗啊 *
* and nickel,neodymium,neptunium,germanium *
大家一起来!
Everybody!
* 有铁啊 有镅啊 *
* and iron,americium *
* 有钌啊 铀啊 铕啊 锆啊 *
* ruthenium,uranium,europium,zirconium,*
* 有镥啊 有钒啊 *
* lutetium,vanadium *
亚裔唱!
Just the Asians!
* 还有镧啊 锇啊 *
* and lanthanum and osmium *
* 有砹啊 有镭啊... *
* and astatine and radium... *
Penny Leonard啊
Penny,Leonard.
你们能不能回答我
Would you be able to answer some questions
昨晚发生了什么?
I'm having about the events of last night?
好的
Sure.
第一个问题...
Question one...
我的裤子呢?
where are my pants?
你可以上YouTube看看
You might want to check YouTube.
搜什么?
What do I search?
已经缓冲好了 直接播放吧
It's already loaded. Just hit play.
好的 现在我们开始探讨数学吧
All right,people,let's get down to the math.
是三维思想
It is only three dimensional thinking
限制了我们的想象
that limits our imagination.
我能从头上把裤子脱下吗?
Can I take my pants off over my head?
当然不行
Of course not.
上身挡着呢
My body's in the way.
[视频名：物理学家斯文扫地]
但是如果可以进入更高维度
But if we had access to higher dimensions,
我们就可以通过四维
we could move our pants around our bodies
让裤子在身体周围移动
through the fourth dimension
我们就要告别脱裤子的时代了
and our days of dropping trousers would be over.
哦 天哪...
Oh,Lord...
丢脸丢到家了
This couldn't be any more humiliating.
继续放
Give it a minute.
接下来
Now,for the astronomers
在座的天文学家 准备好
in the audience,get ready to see
来看看月球的另一面吧
the dark side of the moon.
[Uranus 谐音your anus菊花]
还有天王星呢
And here's Uranus.
[ 此帖被半世癫在2014-08-19 01:03重新编辑 ] -
第三季第17集
为什么我总是出力
Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?
很简单啊
Well,it's very simple.
在我们这群一无所有的破烂科学家当中
In our ragtag band of scientists with nothing to lose,
我负责动脑子
I'm the smart one,
沃罗威茨负责搞笑
Wolowitz is the funny one,
库萨帕里是一个奋力想要融入我们的生活
and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner
但是以失败告终的可爱的老外
who struggles to understand our ways and fails.
你别无选择 只有肌肉男了
That leaves you,by default,as the muscle.
再多搬一层 我就肌肉难了
One more floor,and I'd be the pulled muscle.
来的正好
Oh,it's about time.
我要饿死了
I'm starving.
这个 其实我们没带中国菜回来
Um,well,we didn't actually get Chinese food.
-为什么啊 -淡定
- Why not? - Don't panic.
这个更赞
This is better.
不是吧
Oh,no.
你们不会用食物换了魔豆吧
You didn't trade the food for magic beans,did you?
当然没有
Of course not.
况且严格来说 魔豆也是食物
And technically,magic beans would be food.
虽然吃了它们怪浪费的
Although eating them would be quite a waste,
因为你可以种植它们
since you could plant them,
然后一夜之间 就会长成一株巨大的豆茎
and overnight,have a giant beanstalk,
足够一个小城市吃的
which would provide enough roughage for a small city.
其实有时候我根本没听你说话
Yeah,sometimes I don't listen.
只是看着你的下巴一上一下
Sometimes I just watch your jaw go up and down.
我们去中餐馆的路上
We were on our way to the Chinese restaurant
貌似看见了亚当•韦斯特
when we thought we saw Adam West,
亚当•韦斯特:《蝙蝠侠》的扮演者
所以我们就跟着他走
so we followed him.
谁是亚当•韦斯特
Who's Adam West?
谁是亚当•韦斯特
Who's Adam West?!
莱纳德 你们性交之后都聊些什么啊
Leonard,what do the two of you talk about after the coitus?
我猜是 "哇塞 4分钟"
My guess is,"Hey,four minutes!
"新纪录啊"
New record!"
所以我才负责搞笑啊
That's why I'm the funny one.
反正呢 我们跟着他到了旧货出售摊儿
Anyway,we followed the guy to this garage sale,
那卖的东西都超赞
and they had the coolest stuff.
他们正好关门大甩卖
They were closing up.
这一箱子东西才60块
We got this whole box for 60 bucks.
我们还没来得及看清都有什么呢
We didn't even get to go through it all.
说不定有什么宝贝呢
There could be anything in here.
看看有没有新女朋友
There a new girlfriend in there?
说不定你需要一个
'Cause you might need one.
没有
No.
不过有《捉鬼敢死队》的原版终稿
But there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script
上面真的有黏液的污迹哎
with actual slime stains!
你说得对
Oh,you're right.
这个是《捉鬼敢死队2》
It's Ghostbusters 2.
没看头
Never mind.
我滴神啊
Oh,my God.
是阿福娃娃
An Alf doll.
我11岁的时候 我妈在我爸去世之后
When I was 11,my mother got me one
给我买了一个
to help me sleep
好让我能睡好觉
after my dad left.
我那时候会假装
I used to pretend
爸爸是去了蜜胺树脂星球
that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac,
而阿福会把他带回我身边的
and Alf was going to bring him back to me.
但它从来也没有
But he never did.
我爸爸在哪儿 小玩偶
Where's my daddy,puppet?
他在哪儿
Where is he?
太伤感了
That is so sad.
不 更伤感的是你居然不知道
No,what's sad is that you don't know
亚当•韦斯特是电视版蝙蝠侠的扮演者
Adam West was TV's Batman.
史波克的脑袋
Here's Spock's head with no body.
波克:《星际迷航》中的人物
T先生的身子
Here's Mr.T's body with no head.
Mr.T:《星际迷航》中的人物
啊在这儿 史波克的身子配T先生的脑袋
Oh,yeah,here's Spock's body with Mr.T's head.
我同情那些没有逻辑的傻瓜
I pity the fool who's illogical.
好吧 我要回家了
Okay,I'm just gonna go home
做一个烤干酪 然后上eHarmony
and make a grilled cheese and window-shop
eHarmony:美国线上交友网站
意淫去
on eHarmony.
好的 拜拜
Okay,bye.
妥了
Okay.
哇塞 快看 《夺宝奇兵》的连连看
Ooh,look,an Indiana Jones connect-the-dots.
还有潜水侠的手办
And an Aquaman action figure.
好像有人给他画了个小弟弟
Looks like someone drew a penis on him.
没事儿 看我擦掉
Ooh,that'll come off.
我们都看不下去了喂
You see what you're doing?
停下
Stop that.
真赞啊
Fascinating.
什么东西
What?
是《魔戒》里的魔戒
It appears to be a Lord of the Rings ring.
上面居然还刻着
Oh. It's even got
精灵语呢
the Elvish engraving on it.
不是精灵语
It's not Elvish.
是用精灵语的字母写的魔多语
It's the language of Mordor written in Elvish script.
"魔戒全属至尊御"
"One Ring to rule them all."
出自《魔戒》台词
"至尊指引诸魔戒"
"One Ring to find them."
"至尊魔戒唤众戒"
"One Ring to bring them all."
"众戒归一黑暗中"
"And in the darkness bind them."
我靠 咱们好宅啊
Holy crap,are we nerdy.
我调查了一下这个魔戒
So,I was doing some checking on the ring.
等下 谢尔顿 那边桌子上的是番茄酱吗
Hold on. Sheldon,is there ketchup on that table?
是滴
Yes,there is.
有个好玩的事儿
Oh,here's a fun fact.
最初的时候 番茄酱
Ketchup started out
是酱汁的总称
as a general term for sauce,
特别是那些加了草本植物和香料的
typically made of mushrooms or fish brine
蘑菇或腌鱼
with herbs and spices.
早期流行的主材料包括蓝莓
Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry,
凤尾鱼 牡蛎 四季豆 还有葡萄
anchovy,oyster,kidney bean and grape.
没事儿 我去拿
No,that's okay. I'll get it.
听我说 我仔细观察了魔戒
Listen,I was looking at the ring,and it
看上去有点奇怪
seemed a little weird.
上面竟然没有版权声明
No copyright notice on it.
所以我就拿给我一个哥们儿看 这么说吧
So,I took it down to this buddy of mine who deals with--
他专门和收藏界的黑市
shall we say-- the seedy underbelly
做交易
of the collectibles world.
黑市
Seedy underbelly?
你那个黑市淘来的手提式相位熗
You know,your black market phasers,
出自《星际迷航》
还有乌拉中尉在电影中穿过的内裤
your screen-worn Lieutenant Uhura panties,
就那些东西呗
that kind of stuff.
你这个神秘兄弟是谁
Who's this mysterious buddy you suddenly have?
就是我认识的一个家伙
Just a guy. I know a guy.
-艾迪•克里斯波吗 -我不能告诉你 别问了
- Is it Eddie Crispo? - No,I can't tell you who it is. Stop asking.
还能是谁 肯定是艾迪•克里斯波
Who else could it be? It has to be Eddie Crispo.
我认识很多黑道人物 好不好
I know lots of dangerous people,okay?
-说一个 -艾迪•克里斯波
- Name one. - Eddie Crispo.
不管怎样
Anyway,
他说这个不是仿品
he said this isn't a replica.
而是真品
It's the real deal.
如果你说这就是索伦在末日火山
If you're suggesting that that is the actual ring of power
打造的至尊魔戒[指环王情节]
forged by Sauron in Mount Doom,
我会用极为不屑和
I look at you with an expression of exhaustion
嘲笑的表情看着你
and ever so slight amusement.
他不是说这是魔戒
He's not saying it's a magic ring.
对吧
You're not,are you?
没错 但差不多
No,but it's close.
看里面的标记
Look at the markings inside.
那是生产标记
Those are production markings.
为拍摄《指环王》 共打造了九枚戒指
Nine rings were made for use in the Lord of the Rings movies.
三枚送给了剧中演员
Three were given to members of the cast.
剩下的都被销毁了
The rest were destroyed.
除了一枚
Except one.
被偷的一枚
One was stolen.
先生们
Gentlemen...
这就是至尊魔戒
this is the one ring.
归我了
Mine!
不 不是你的
No,it is not yours.
我们一起去要的箱子
We all went in on the box together.
对 但是我在箱子里找到的
Well,yes,but I found it in the box,
海难救助法明确规定
and the laws of maritime salvage clearly state
找到沉海宝藏的人
that the finder of a sunken treasure
即视为宝藏的主人
is the owner of the treasure.
这怎么符合海难救助法
How is this maritime salvage?
除了没有水 怎么不符合
Other than the lack of water,how is it not?
等等 谢尔顿 先别发疯
Wait,wait. Sheldon,stop being crazy for a second.
这种东西值多少钱
How much is something like this worth?
这么抢手的东西很难估价
Well,it's tough to say since it's hot,
不过在黑市里 我朋友估价
but on the underground market,my guy figures...
你是指艾迪•克里斯波吧
Your guy Eddie Crispo?
是滴
Yes.
他估价一万到一万五
He figures ten,maybe 15 thousand.
既然值这么多钱
Okay,that's a lot of money.
明智之举是用它投资更实用的东西
The wise thing to do is invest it in something practical.
比如水上摩托艇
Like a jet ski.
你要摩托艇干嘛
Why do you want a jet ski?
电影里有钱又帅的人都骑摩托艇
All the wealthy and beautiful people in movies ride Jet Skis.
这不可能是巧合
That can't just be a coincidence.
我们不能卖它
We can't sell it.
要保存它
We have to keep it
珍惜它 爱护它
and love it and polish it,
只能偶尔拿出来
and only take it out occasionally
去公园里
when we go to the park
重演电影里喜欢的场景
and reenact our favorite scenes from the movies.
听着有意思 其实很无聊
It's sad how great that sounds.
各位 这是偷来的
Guys,it's stolen.
应该还给彼得•杰克逊[指环王导演]
It should go back to Peter Jackson.
他制作的电影 魔戒应该属于他
{c it belongs to him.
行啊
Fine.
可以换给他 只要他答应
He can have it back as long as he promises
让我演下一部电影里的霍比特人
to make me a hobbit in his next movie.
没有犹太霍比特人
There are no Jewish hobbits.
显然你没在岁首节[犹太新年]
Clearly,you've never been to my house
来我家吃饭
for dinner on Rosh Hashanah.
我们不能敲诈彼得•杰
We are not blackmailing Peter J...
够了 魔戒哪去了
All right,where's the ring?
你是说我的魔戒吗
You mean my ring?
你这是干嘛
What are you doing?
魔戒无人看护
The ring was unguarded.
就这么放着台面
It was just sitting on the table.
谁都能拿走
Anyone could have taken it.
证据 我拿了
Proof? I did.
-给我 -大家理智点
- Give me that. - Look,let's be reasonable.
我们都对魔戒抱有不同的想法
We all want to do different things with the ring,
但你们的想法太傻 我要的可是摩托艇
but your ideas are stupid,and I want a jet ski.
我找到的 魔戒是我的
I found it. The ring is mine.
我不明白 为啥每次都不能我说了算
I don't understand why in this group I never get my way.
有哪次不是你说了算
You always get your way.
你把魔戒给我 才是每次我说了算
I'll stipulate to that if you give me the ring.
各位
Hey,guys.
喜欢我给你们上的
Enjoying your food that I actually
不是你们点的菜
brought you instead of promising food,
是我随意找的一堆垃圾
but bringing you a box of random crap?
很好吃
Yeah,it's delicious.
就是讽刺的话不太新鲜
The sarcasm's a little stale,though.
要不这样吧
Hey,how about this?
确定如何处理魔戒前
Until we figure out what to do with the ring,
由佩妮来保管
Penny holds on to it.
什么戒指
What ring?
这枚戒指
This ring.
在找东西吗
Looking for something?
你能保管几天吗
Will you hold on to this for a couple of days?
-为什么 -这是部电影的道具
- Why? - It's a prop from a movie,
我们正为此争吵呢
And we're kind of fighting over it.
只想说清楚 我男朋友给我的
Okay,just to be clear,the first piece of jewelry
第一件珠宝是电影里的道具
my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie,
而且我还不能拥有它
and I don't even get to keep it?
如果你三年前跟了我
If you had gone out with me three years ago,
你现在应该能收到我姑婆艾达
by now,you'd have my great Aunt Ida's brooch
塞进猫肚子从德占比利时偷运出的胸针
that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.
现在感觉我还好吧
How am I looking now?
你打我
You hit me!
我在流血
I'm bleeding!
什么情况
What was that?
谢尔顿想偷魔戒 我给了他一拳
Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him.
干得好
That's my girl.
谢尔顿啊
So,Sheldon,
被一个女人家揍的感觉如何
how's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
反正不是第一次了
It's not the first time.
在子宫里我那胞姐就开始欺负我
I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero.
如果当年我能一直坚定的吸收掉她
If only I'd had the presence of mind to reabsorb her,
我也就多了一颗长毛的痣
then I'd have a mole with hair in it
这样也不会收到那些无聊的圣诞贺卡了
instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.
先生们 你们还没有觉悟吗
Gentlemen,have you come to the realization
最明智的选择
that the only reasonable course of action
就是卖了魔戒再分钱
is to sell the ring and divide the money?
没门
No.
我就怕你这么说
I was afraid of that.
说吧
Go ahead.
在孟买问候大家
Greetings from Mumbai.
我是拉杰的律师 文卡塔斯•库萨帕里
I am Raj's attorney,Venkatesh Koothrappali.
也是我表哥
Also my cousin.
你居然还找了个律师
You brought a lawyer?
这个不用回答
Don't answer that.
我就直说了
I'll get straight to the point.
我的委托人准备放弃
My client's prepared to surrender
他在这枚魔戒上的一切利益
any interest he has in the ring
来交换两辆川崎水上摩托
in exchange for two Kawasaki Jet Skis.
两辆水上摩托? 没门儿
We're not giving him two Jet Skis.
听着 大家都成年人了
Look,we're big boys,
我们何不都退一步海阔天空呢
why don't we just cut to the chase and meet in the middle?
一辆水上摩托就够了
One Kawasaki Jet Ski.
怎么样
Done and done.
半辆都不给
No Jet Skis.
好吧 不谈水上摩托了
All right,forget the Jet Skis.
你说什么
Forget the Jet Skis?
这是我们的底线
That was our line in the sand!
你就这点招数吗
What happened to "tear them a new one?"
那你要我怎样
What can I say?
他们态度强硬
They played hardball.
我们输了
We lost.
你这没用的东西
You're useless.
你来雇我时我就说了
I told you that when you hired me.
我要下线了
I'm signing off now.
记得联系你妈
Call your mother.
她担心你呢
She worries.
知道吗
Okay,just so you know,
向别人介绍自己的律师表兄时
if we're bringing in cousins who are lawyers,
要准备好被雷
prepare for shock and awe.
告诉你们 老子不干了
You know what? I am ending this.
佩妮不想再保管魔戒
Penny didn't want to hold the ring anymore.
她还给了我 现在我手上
She gave it to me. I have it.
我要寄回去
I'm sending it back.
魔戒呢
Where's the ring?
你是指这个魔戒吗
You mean this ring?
下次在公共厕所里排尿
Next time be aware of your surroundings
记得要耳听八方环顾四周
while urinating in a public men's room.
快给我
Give me that.
才不 这是我的
No,it's mine.
我们都有份
It's all of ours.
-得了 这也太荒唐了 -那就放手
- Okay,now,this is ridiculous! - Then let go!
偏不 你干嘛不放手
I'm not letting go. You let go.
要我说 谁坚持到最后
I say this ring belongs
魔戒就归谁
to the last person who can hold on.
行啊 我们回家再开始吗
Fine. But can't we go home and start this?
当然
Sure.
那现在先放手
Let go of the ring.
好吧 那就从现在开始
All right,it starts now.
今晚科幻频道有巨虫电影联播
You do realize there's a giant bug movie marathon
你们都还记得吧
tonight on the Syfy Channel.
慢 我的笔记本还没拿
Wait,my laptop.
这也太白痴了 一点也没意义了
You know,there's a point no when this becomes idiotic.
刚我们这样开车的时候你咋不说
And it wasn't when we were driving like this?
我好心建议你们三个放弃吧
I would advise the three of you
再怎么死撑也是徒劳
that resistance is futile.
我的耐性可是出了名的好
I have endless patience.
我曾和惠普的客服人员
I once spent two-and-a-half hours on hold
耗了整整两个半小时
with Hewlett-Packard customer service
就为投诉他们客服态度差劲
just to complain about their customer service.
你少和我吹嘘耐性
You want to talk about endless patience?
佩妮逼我看完了整整
Penny made me watch all five seasons
五季的《欲望都市》
of Sex and the City.
老兄 那玩意有六季
There are six seasons,dude.
噢 杯具
Oh,crap!
别这么说嘛 第六季很赞啊
No,no,no,the sixth season is great.
凯莉刚分手 伤心地去了巴黎
We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken,
而大人物又突然出现
and then Mr. Big shows up,
我们都很好奇 她是否还能再相信他
we don't know if we can trust him again.
真是跨越地球的爱恋啊
It's a wild ride.
我要开门
Door.
同志们 屈膝[法语 芭蕾舞动作]
Okay,everybody,and plie?
再踮立[法语 芭蕾舞动作]
And releve?
你们干什么呢
Whatcha doin'?
谁坚持到最后 魔戒归谁
Last one holding the ring decides its fate.
我知道这很蠢
I know,it sounds silly.
才不会呢 你是我男友啊
No,no,no,no,no,you are my boyfriend.
情人眼里出西施嘛
Nothing you do is silly to me.
多谢
Thank you.
顺便说下 这可是维多利亚的秘密内衣
FYI-- this is a bag from Victoria's Secret.
老子不干了
I'm out.
抱歉 老妈
I'm sorry,Ma,
没办法 我要在办公室加班
I have to stay late at the office.
才没有 他在骗你
No,he's doesn't! He's lying to you!
你就不能消停点吗
Will you be quiet?
要隐私的话 放开手就行了啊
Well,if you want privacy let go of the ring.
真开心
I'm so glad
终于能来这家异教徒的脱衣舞俱乐部
we came to this gentile strip club!
霍华德
Howard,
再给你个培根 塞她们丁字裤里去
here's more bacon to tuck into the shiksa's G-string!
我再打给你
I'll call you back.
你实在太贴心了 还特地打电话
I think it's lovely you call your mommy
告诉你妈 你赶不回去吃晚饭
and let her know you're going to be late for dinner.
据我所知
From what I know about these things,
没能按时喂奶的女人
if a woman doesn't breast-feed on time,
咪咪会很不舒服的
it's very uncomfortable for her boobies.
别跟我谈我妈的咪咪
Don't you talk about my mother's boobies!
听着不爽的话 放手啊
If you're offended,let go of the ring
赶紧回家找你妈吃奶去
and go on home to your mother's boobies.
太好了 太好了
Excellent,excellent.
你们俩耗吧 我就能笑到最后
Tire each other out,the ring will be mine.
霍华德 何不谈谈拉杰他妈
Howard,why don't you go after Raj's mother?
不然咱谈谈你妈
Why don't we go after your mother?
尽管谈
Go ahead.
我又没有恋母情结
I have no illusions about my mother.
她就一个和蔼可亲
She is a kind,loving,
笃信上帝 极端右翼的德州人
religiously fanatical right-wing Texan
头长得有点不合比例
with a slightly out-of-scale head
还对佩珀汽水有点上瘾
and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction.
还有什么要补充的吗
Anything you'd like to add?
这样说根本没用
That's not gonna get you anywhere.
得给他来点狠的
Better pull out the big gun.
说得对
You're right.
咱来谈谈你祖母
Let's talk about your grandmother.
不要
No!
不许说我奶奶
I call no Meemaws.
想想看
Think about this.
你奶奶肯定得跟人上床 才会有你妈
The only way your mother was born was your Meemaw had sex.
我不想听这些
I don't want to hear this.
那就放手 走一边去
Then let go of the ring and walk away.
想都别想
Never.
好吧
All right.
我敢说 你奶奶
I'll bet your Meemaw
不仅仅是为了传宗接代才跟人上床的
didn't just have sex to have your mother.
我敢说 她肯定也享受性爱
I bet she had sex because she liked it.
别说了
Stop it!
对 奶奶也并不圣洁
Yeah,Meemaw did the nasty.
我叫你们闭嘴
I said stop it!
说到他痛处了
We're getting to him.
瀑布
Waterfalls!
什么
What?
瀑布
Waterfalls.
惊涛拍岸
Crashing waves.
潺潺溪流
Babbling brooks.
你这是干嘛
What are you doing?
潜意识信息
Subliminal messaging.
通过这让你们产生尿意
I'm going to make you want to pee.
滴水的水龙头
Dripping faucets.
漏水的水槽
Leaky gutter.
尿尿
Peeing.
这招根本不管用 伙计
It's,it's not working,dude.
已经管用了
Oh-ho-ho,it's working all right.
我想上厕所
I have to pee.
那就放开魔戒去啊
Then let go of the ring and go.
其实 我也想上了
No,actually,I wouldn't mind going,too.
好吧
Fine.
数到三
Um,on the count of three.
一 二
One,two...
等等 先说清楚
Wait,just to clarify.
数到三 是都站起来还是直接尿尿
When you get to three,do we stand up or do we pee?
都站起来
We stand up.
明智之选
Excellent choice.
三
Three.
我有预感
Something tells me
今天真不该穿绒面革皮鞋的
this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.
我做到了
I've done it!
我赢了
I've won!
魔戒是我的了
The ring is mine!
是我的了
It's mine!
得彻底清洗下 让它更漂亮
We're going to clean it up and make it pretty.
是我的
My own.
我亲爱的
My love.
我的宝贝
My precious.
谢尔顿华丽变身《魔戒》中的咕噜[Gollum]
魔戒呢
Where's the ring?
在联邦快递的盒子里 回它原来的地方去了
It's in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from.
末日山的火焰之中
The fires of Mount Doom?
索伦在末日山的火焰中铸造了至尊魔戒
彼得•杰克逊 《魔戒》导演
彼得•杰克逊在新西兰的办公室
Peter Jackson's office in New Zealand.
本就不是我们的
It wasn't ours.
你早就退出了比赛
You quit the game!
根本没资格拿走魔戒
You had no right to take it.
我走进来的时候 你们都睡着了
I came in here,you guys were all sleeping.
魔戒掉在地板上 没人拿着
The ring was on the floor. No one was touching it.
那就该重新开始 直到产生最后的赢家
Well,so then we start the game over until there's a winner.
根本不会有什么赢家
There wasn't ever going to be a winner.
只会有一个手握魔戒的自私鬼
There was going to be a selfish,petty person with a ring
和三个反目的好友
and three people who used to be his friend.
你们真想这样吗
Is that really what you guys want?
真想的话 随便吧
'Cause if it is,fine.
我跟你们也没什么好说的了
I don't want anything to do with you.
还有 厕所里怎么回事我不知道
And I don't know what happened in that bathroom,
但我才不会去清理
but I am not cleaning it up!
我的宝贝
My precious.
我就知道
I knew it.
把宝贝还我们
Give us the precious!
-快给我 快给我 -放开我
- Give me! Give me! - Get off of me!
-把魔戒给我 -魔戒是我的
- Give me the ring! - It's mine!
真该跟健身房那笨蛋约会看看的
Ugh,gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.
把魔戒给我
Just give me the ring!
把魔戒给我
Give it to me!
把魔戒给我
Give me the ring!
我让你给我
I said give it to me!
魔戒是我的
It's mine!
[ 此帖被半世癫在2014-08-19 01:02重新编辑 ] -
第三季第16集
[《星球大战V》主题曲]
"The Imperial March"
您能行行好把衬衫给关了吗
Would you please turn your shirt off?
那怎么行
What?
我的闪亮出场需要恢宏的背景音乐
I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music.
这样人们才会崇拜并畏惧我
People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.
确实
Right.
世上最惊悚的事莫过于
There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man
有音乐从一个男人的咪咪间喷薄而出
who's got music blasting from between his nipples.
斯图亚特 忙啥呢
Hey,Stuart,what's going on?
你可能需要在谷歌日历上记下了
Well,you might want to mark your Google calendars.
斯坦•李周四来这里开签名会
Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday.
他的自传出续集了吗
Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography?
我就知道80来岁的人照样老当益壮
I'm sure ages 79 through 87 were just action-packed.
没 就是普通的漫画签名罢了
No,just a regular comic signing.
我叔叔是他的皮肤科医生
My uncle is his dermatologist
斯坦•李因此卖个面子给他
and Stan's doing him a favor.
你告诉我这些干嘛啊你
Oh,I don't want to know that!
这下好了 我怎么可能一边和斯坦•李讨论
How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee
用银质冲浪板
the scientific foundations for interstellar flight
来星际飞行的科学依据
on a silver surfboard
一边逐行扫描他的脸
when part of my brain will be scanning his face
以寻找皮肤传染病的蛛丝马迹
for signs of contagious skin disease?
斯坦•李没有皮肤传染病
Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease.
一边去 你又不是斯图亚特的叔叔
Well,look who thinks he's Stuart's uncle now.
难以置信 我们要见到斯坦•李了
Can't believe it. We're going to meet Stan Lee!
[《变形金刚》中大黄蜂播放过的歌曲]
"I'm So Excited"
我错了 我不该教他跳这舞的
I'm sad to say I taught him those moves.
我实在无法取舍
I can't decicide
究竟让斯坦•李把名字签在
whether I want Stan Lee to autograph
托尔第一次出场的《神秘之旅》83期上
my Journey into Mystery 83,first appearance of Thor
还是签在《神奇四侠》第五本上
or my Fantastic Four number five,
死亡博士的处女秀
first appearance of Dr. Doom.
[Jeopardy智力竞赛节目 思考时的音乐 节目的主题曲]
(Jeopardy theme song playing)
阿莱克斯 (Jeopardy的主持) 我选的答案是
Alex,I'm going to go with what is...
你是个傻帽
you're a dumbass?
我决定让斯坦•李把名签在
I've decided I'm going to have Mr. Lee sign my copy
这个月的《蝙蝠侠》上
of this month's Batman.
有病吧你
That's crazy.
蝙蝠侠又不是斯坦•李的作品[竞争对手]
Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.
对啊 所以其他人不会让他签这个
Yes,which is why no one else will ask him to sign one,
于是我就会拥有一件
and I will be the possessor of
虽然怪异但独一无二的稀世珍宝
a unique,albeit confusing,artifact,
我从此就和那群芸芸
which will set me apart
漫画迷不再是一个级别的了
from hoi polloi of comic book fandom.
这点子不错
That's a great idea.
我也让他签《蝙蝠侠》去
I'm going to get him to sign a Batman as well.
你对独一无二这个词很难理解么
What is it about the word "unique" you don't understand?
靠 手被纸片划破了
Damn,paper cut.
被纸割伤最痛苦了
Nothing worse than a paper cut.
你忘了割礼吧[犹太儿童切除包皮的仪式]
Well,obviously you don't remember your circumcision.
上面抽屉里有新孢霉素和创口贴
There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.
这些东西不是该放在卫生间里吗
Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?
卫生间里有 还有厨房里
He does. And in the kitchen.
还有车里 再加上他口袋里
And in the car. And in his pocket.
没错 但我口袋里的可不给别人用
Yeah,but the ones in my pocket are mine.
-嗨 -嘿
- Hi! - Hey.
猜猜看
Guess who's going to be
周四谁会去漫画店
at the comic bookstore on Thursday?
呃 给点提示吧
Um... can you give me a hint?
斯坦•李
Stan Lee.
噢 斯坦利
Um... Stanley...
斯坦利•图奇?[著名演员]
Stanley... Stanley Tucci?
不是
No.
是斯坦•李
No,Stan... Lee.
哦 斯坦•李嘛
Oh,oh,Stan Lee!
不错嘛
Cool!
你根本不知道他是谁吧
You have no idea who he is,do you?
谁说的 我当然知道
Of course I do.
你是我生命中的重要的一部分
You're an important part of my life
我自然会爱屋及乌啦
and I pay attention to the things you are interested in.
是嘛 好啊
Oh,good.
好极了
Good.
那你说说 斯坦•李是谁
So,who's Stan Lee?
星际迷航里的
Um... he was on Star Trek.
猜错了
Nope.
-那就星球大战 -又错
- Star Wars? - No.
呃 斯坦•李
Um... uh,Stan Lee.
我知道了
Ooh,he was in those
是你喜欢的傻帽功夫片里的
goofy kung fu movies you love so much?
那是李小龙
That's Bruce Lee.
啊哦
Oh.
那这是小龙的书呆子哥哥斯坦?
So,is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother,Stan?
谢尔顿 你抽屉怎么有那么多
Sheldon,why do you have all these unopened
没拆封的薪水支票
paychecks in your desk?
因为我想买的东西
Because most of the things I'm planning to buy
市面上基本上都没有
haven't been invented yet.
这儿得有好几千块了吧
There-there must be thousands of dollars here.
你干嘛不存银行里
Why don't you put it in the bank?
鬼才相信银行
I don't trust banks.
我坚信如果有一天机器人奋起反抗了
I believe that when the robots rise up,
自动取款机肯定是起义军领袖
ATMs will lead the charge.
这儿还有一封
You've also got something
帕萨迪纳市法院寄来的东西
from the Pasadena Municipal Court.
肯定又是回信来鄙视我
Undoubtedly another snide response
之前寄去的几封信里
to my repeated letters complaining
投诉了法院门口的旗子
that the flags in front of the courthouse
次序是错误的
are flying in the wrong order.
按照从左到右的顺序
From left to right,it's supposed to be
应该先是联邦旗 州旗
federal,state,
最后才轮到帕萨迪纳市旗
and then city of Pasadena.
打断一下 你为此寄了好几封信过去
I'm sorry. You sent more than one letter about that?
它们看着太碍眼了
It bothers me.
谢尔顿 这是封传票
Sheldon,this is a summons.
什么的传票
A summons for what?
信上说你在玛格大道闯了红灯
Looks like you ran a red light M Margo Avenue
时间是11月16号晚上9点半
at 9:30 p.m. on November 16.
你被路边的摄像头拍下来了
They got you on a traffic camera.
挺上镜嘛
Nice picture.
11月16号
November 16?
佩妮 那不就是你在浴缸里摔倒
Penny,that's the evening you fell in your bathtub
然后我不得不带你去看急诊的那晚吗
and I had to drive you to the emergency room.
不是
No,it isn't.
就是
Yes,it is.
就不是
No,it isn't.
佩妮 我记得很清楚
Penny,I have an eidetic memory.
而且摄像头也拍下了你在副驾驶位置上
Also,that's a picture of you in the passenger seat
托着你那脱臼的肩膀
holding your dislocated shoulder.
才不是呢
Mmm,no,it isn't.
好吧 那为啥传票上违反交规的
Okay,then why is a summons for a traffic violation
是你的车 而且挂着你的车牌
committed in your car,bearing your license plates,
却寄来我这儿了
coming to me?
好吧 他们给我发了传票
Okay,look,they sent me the ticket.
我告诉他们当时并不是我开的车
I told them I wasn't driving
然后他们逼问我"除了你还有谁"
and they were all,"If it wasn't you,who was it?"
于是你就把我出卖了
So you betrayed me?
才没有
No!
这哪是出卖
It wasn't a betrayal.
我只不过表示"我的驾照已经没分好扣了"
It was more of a "I can't afford any more points on my license."
我已经不得不
I already have to buy my insurance
去开曼群岛上买车险了
from this place in the Cayman Islands.
但我之所以开你的车还不是因为
But the only reason I was driving your car
你当时可怜兮兮的我才伸出援手
was because you were in distress and I was rescuing you.
是啊是啊 你看现在 你有张照片记录英勇的一天
Yea yea. Look at you.you have a photo to remember that heroic day.
没什么大不了的
It's not that big a deal.
你只要周四去法院
You just go down to the court on Thursday
交罚金就行
and you pay the fine.
我才不去交罚金
I'm not going to pay a fine.
那就说明我有罪
That would imply I'm guilty.
你确实有罪
You are guilty.
[《法律与秩序》的主题曲]
这个我喜欢
That one I liked.
我是无罪的
I am not guilty.
我只有实习驾照
I only have a learner's permit.
佩妮教我的
Penny was the teacher.
转黄灯时 她就说"快快快"
When the light turned yellow she said "Go,go,go."
于是我就"开开开"
So I went,went,went.
谢尔顿 对不起
Sheldon,I'm sorry.
我会还你罚金的钱
I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine.
只要我能参演一部电影
You know,as soon as I get a part in a movie
或者自己拍个电视剧
or my own TV series.
不用你还 因为我不会交的
You don't need to reimburse me because I'm not paying.
周四那天 我会去法院
On Thursday,I will have my day in court
正义会得到伸张
and justice will be done.
我现在就着手准备辩护
In fact,I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now.
他坐定牢了
Okay,he's going to jail.
对哦
Oh,that's right.
周四是斯坦•李签名日
Thursday is Stan Lee Day.
看到你做的好事了吧
Now you see what you've done?
就因为你 我们都见不到斯坦•李了
Because of you,we're all going to miss Stan Lee.
你说"都"是什么意思
What do you mean "all?"
你们是我朋友啊
Well,you're my friends.
你们要站在我旁边 支持我
You'll be standing by my side,supporting me,
为我提供案例
feeding me legal precedents,
你们上身要是够壮
and if you had the upper body strength,
我胜诉时 可以把我搁肩膀上扛出去
carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.
这个嘛 不行
Yeah,okay. No.
你是说我为自己辩护时
Are you saying that you will not stand beside me
你不会来站在我身边吗
as I plead my case?
是这个意思
That's what I'm saying.
霍华德
Howard?
斯坦•李 法庭上的你
Uh,Stan Lee,or you in court.
要是《苏菲的选择》有这么简单
Uh,if this was Sophie's Choice
电影就不会那么长了 不行
it would've been a much shorter movie. No.
拉杰
Raj?
你会来吧
You'll be there,won't you?
那好吧
All right,then.
我所谓的朋友都抛弃了我
My so-called friends have forsaken me.
看来只剩我和目击证人了
So,I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.
晕死
Oh,balls.
请着装得体一点
Please try to wear something appropriate.
要是法官只顾着想
It won't help my case
你屁股上'美味多汁'的意思
if the judge is busy trying to read the word "Juicy"
对我的案子没好处
scrawled across your buttocks.
佩妮
Penny.
佩妮
Penny.
佩妮
Penny.
节奏不对
That's just wrong.
好了 走吧
All right,let's go.
等一下
Wait,hold on.
去法院之前
Before we get to the courthouse,
我想看一下你的演技
I'd like to call on your skills as an actress.
这是什么
What is this?
我冒昧地
I've taken the liberty
为你起草了出庭作证的剧本
of scripting your appearance on the witness stand
面对现实 你有点我行我素
because,let's face it,you're somewhat of a loose cannon.
别担心 都是用你的方言写的
{c it's written in your vernacular.
我们排练一下如何
So shall we rehearse?
我有得选吗
Do I have a choice?
你当然有选择权
Well,of course you have a choice.
虽然我们生活在宿命里
Although we live in a deterministic universe,
但每个人都有自由选择的权力
each individual has free will.
给我坐下
Now,sit down.
请你回忆下
I call your attention
11月16日发生的事
to the events of November 16.
你记得那天吗
Do you remember that date?
废话 我记得
"Darn tootin',I do.
请法官原谅我家乡内布拉斯加
"If the court will excuse my homespun,
粗俗简朴的语言
corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase."
很好 继续
Excellent. Go on.
我记得那天
"The reason that date is,like,
而且铭记在我的脑子里
"so totally fixed in my memory
是因为我有幸目睹了
"is that I had the privilege to be witness
毕生从未见过的英勇行为
to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in,like,ever."
谁的英勇行为
"And who performed that heroic act?"
您的啊 阁下
"Why,you did,sir.
您 谢尔顿•库珀博士
"You. Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
而且我想说 我很荣幸认识您
And may I add,it is a privilege to know you."
不必称赞我
"There's no need for compliments.
法庭只看重事实
This court is only interested in the facts."
但感觉很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊
"But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you.
真的
Totally."
一滴泪从我面颊流下
A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!
纯属建议
Only a suggestion.
喉咙哽咽一下也可以
A catch in your throat would work just as well.
但我感觉
"But it is a fact
很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊
"that it's a privilege to know you.
真的
Totally."
你还是穿"美味多汁"的裤子吧
Maybe you should put on your "Juicy" pants again.
去交罚金
Pay the cashier.
谢尔顿•库珀
Sheldon Cooper.
早上好 法官大人
Good morning,Your Honor.
我是谢尔顿•库珀博士
Dr. Sheldon Cooper
自我辩护
appearing in pro se.
也就是说 代表我自己
That is to say,representing himself.
我知道什么意思
I know what it means.
我读过法律学校
I went to law school.
结果却在审理交通法庭
And yet you wound up in traffic court.
不管怎样
Anyway,
法官允许的话
if it would please the court,
我想做个开庭陈述
I'd like to begin with an opening statement.
法官会建议你简短点
The court would advise you to make it quick,
因为法官早上吃了可能馊了的玉米煎饼
as the court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito this morning
而且刚吃了易蒙停(止泻药)
and just took an Imodium.
快速的开场陈述
A quick opening statement.
如同一个挤奶凳
Like a milking stool,
本案有三个
my case rests on
立足点
three legs.
我要论证的是
I will demonstrate
我在驾驶过程中 受到一个女人的误导
that I was improperly instructed in driving
这个女人缺乏社会上
by a woman whose lack of respect for society
对反社会界定的基本认识
borders on the sociopathic.
我要争辩的是
I will argue
紧急情况下的法律原理
that the emergency met the legal doctrine
是需要即合法[拉丁文]
of quod est necessarium est licitum--
也就是需要即合法
that which is necessary is legal.
但首先
But first,
我要提出第六条修正案[美国权利法案]
I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.
我无法与控方对峙
I'm unable to confront my accuser,
因为控方是一台非人类机器
a non-human entity,to wit,
也就是摄像机
a camera.
所以 综上所述
So,to sum up:
错误指导
{c
加上"需要即合法"的原理
{c
还有第六条修正案
Sixth Amendment.
我的挤奶凳辨述完毕
My milk stool is complete.
佩服佩服
Impressive.
谢谢
Thank you.
罪名成立
Guilty.
去付钱吧
Pay the cashier.
我反对
I object.
你这是在无视法律
You're completely ignoring the law.
不 我遵守法律
No,I'm following the law.
只是在无视你
I'm ignoring you.
是吗
Really?
提醒你一下 我可是业内顶尖人士
I would point out that I am at the top of my profession,
你却坐在桌子后面过家家
while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.
库珀博士 我给你个机会为你最后的言论道歉
Dr. Cooper,before I find you in contempt
不然我要视你为蔑视法庭
and throw you in jail,I'm going to give you a chance
把你扔进监狱
to apologize for that last remark.
我可是个科学家
I am a scientist.
我才不会为陈述事实而道歉
I never apologize for the truth.
那是我的位置
That's my spot.
我等不及要问斯坦•李
I can't wait to ask Stan Lee
为什么他笔下每个角色的姓和名
why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names
开头字母都是一样的
that start with the same letter.
[以下均为惊奇漫画人物]
得了 你这是何必
Oh,come on. Why would you do that?
分别出自《绿巨人》和《神奇四侠》
布鲁斯•班纳 里德•理查
Bruce Banner,Reed Richards,
分别出自《神奇四侠》和《怪谈故事》
后者为惊奇的系列漫画
苏珊•斯汤 斯蒂芬•史催博士
Sue Storm,Stephen Strange,
分别出自《蜘蛛侠》和《神奇四侠》
奥拓•八爪博士和银影侠
Otto Octavius,Silver Surfer,
出自《蜘蛛侠》
彼得•帕克 还有最夸张的
Peter Parker,oh,and worst of all,
出自《神奇的蜘蛛侠》
小约翰•约拿•詹姆森
J. Jonah Jameson,Jr.
好吧 我要插在你前面
Okay,I'm cutting.
免得斯坦•李被你惹毛了我遭殃
I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.
《蜘蛛侠》的主题音乐铃声
嗨
Hey.
谢尔顿进了监狱
Sheldon's in jail.
啥 谢尔顿进了监狱?!
Sheldon's in jail?!
被你说中了
You called it.
-怎么搞的 -你觉得呢
- For what? - What do you think?
就是他平时一贯的找抽风格
For doing the same crap he always does,
只不过法官不吃这一套
except to a judge.
他不道歉就出不来
He has to stay in there until he apologizes.
那就让他道歉啊
So tell him to apologize.
多谢提醒 莱纳德
Oh,gee,thanks,Leonard.
你以为我没想过吗
That didn't occur to me.
如果他五点前还不道歉
If he doesn't apologize by 5:00,
就得在监狱里过夜了
he is going to spend the night in jail.
哦不 真是糟糕
Oh,no,that's terrible.
哇 队伍动了 挂了 回见
Ooh,the line's moving. Got to go. Bye.
有人吗
Excuse me?
狱卒在吗
Excuse me,jailor?
咋了
What?
我要上厕所
I need to use the restroom.
在那边 自便
Knock yourself out.
这算是马桶?
That's the toilet?
不然你以为是许愿池吗
Well,it ain't a wishing well.
请转告法官 我准备向他道歉
Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.
看啊
Look at that.
"致吾友 莱纳德
"To my friend,Leonard.
惊奇漫画的一个系列 后改称Loners
独行侠 斯坦•李"
From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"
牛逼
Awesome.
我上面写的是 "致吾友 霍华德"
Mine says,"To my friend,Howard.
独行侠 斯坦•李
From Stan Lee,Excelsior!"
我上面写的是 "致拉杰 斯坦•李"
Mine says,"To Raj,from Stan Lee."
因为你纠结他的角色名 把他惹毛了
That's 'cause you pissed him off about his character names.
搞毛
Hey,
前者是惊奇漫画虚拟组织S.H.I.E.L.D成员 后者出自《蜘蛛侠》
我还没提达姆弹头杜甘和绿魔
I didn't even mention Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,
分别出自《夜魔侠》和《钢铁侠》
马特•默多克和小辣椒波兹
Matt Murdock,Pepper Potts,
末日博士[出自《神奇四侠》]
Victor Von Doom,
还有最夸张的
oh,and worst of all,
惊奇漫画的长篇幽默系列
米莉模特
Millie the Model.
我们回来了
We're home.
伙计 情况如何
Oh,hey,buddy. How'd it go?
你明明都知道了还问个屁
You know very well how it went.
是啊 但我们想听你亲口说
Yeah,but we all want to hear it from you.
我被判有罪 还被罚了533美元
I was found guilty and fined $533.
我会写张支票给你
I'm going to write you a check for that.
只要你答应我藏在抽屉里
As long as you promise to put it in your drawer
别去兑换 就和其他那些东西一样
and never cash it,like the others.
我还没有驾照
I also now have three points
但上面已经被扣了三点
on a driver's license I do not yet possess,
还被迫道了个冤枉歉
and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology,
只因为我拒绝在一群犯人面前
simply because I refuse to urinate
就着个不锈钢尿盆排尿
in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals.
再加上 你错过了和斯坦•李见面
Plus,you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.
好了 别刺激他了 霍华德
Okay,that's enough,Howard.
这可怜虫够难受的了
The poor guy's had a tough time.
一个下午都待在监狱
He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail
还穿成这幅德行
wearing that suit.
说得对
You're right,
所以我们也别提在亲笔签名后
so it would be cruel to mention
他带斯图尔特和咱一起去吃了意式冰淇淋
that after he finished signing autographs,
这就太残酷了
Stanley took Stuart and us out for gelato.
你们和斯坦•李共进意式冰淇淋?
You had gelato with Stan Lee?
他还允许我们叫他斯坦
He said we could call him Stan.
除了拉杰
Except for Raj.
你这下满意了吧 佩妮
Well,I hope you're satisfied,Penny.
今天我所遭受的磨难
You are responsible
这全都是你的错
for all the evil that has be fallen me today.
-好吧 我知道... -我还没说完呢
- Okay,I realize that... - Not finished.
都是因为你
It is because of you
害得我有了犯罪记录
that I now have a criminal record,
还因为你 害得我
and it is because of you that I missed out
错过了和斯坦•李共进意式冰淇淋
on having gelato with Stan Lee.
-好吧 也许以后还有机会... -不可能了
- Okay,maybe you'll have another chance to have... - No,no.
再也没有这种机会和斯坦•李一起共进意式冰淇淋了
I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee
因为这种机会
because opportunities to have
和斯坦•李一起共进意式冰淇淋 一生只有一次
gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime.
手起笔落
The Moving Finger writes,
白纸黑字再难改[出自《鲁拜集》]
and having writ,moves on
他刚是朝我竖中指了吗
Did he just somehow give me the finger?
可不只是手指
Not just the finger.
还挥起了小手
The moving finger.
你好 斯图尔特
Hey,Stuart.
你好 佩妮
Oh,hey,Penny.
-怎么了 -没什么
- What's going on? - Nothing.
我正准备打烊 然后出发
I'm just getting ready to close up and... head out.
真好 晚上有安排
Cool. Got any fun plans?
对 今晚有重大安排
Oh,yeah. Big night tonight.
跟只猫一起共享金熗鱼罐头
Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.
真好
Oh,nice.
那甚至不是我的猫
Not even my cat.
我就喂喂它
I just feed it.
有几晚它甚至都不会出现
Some nights it doesn't even show up.
好吧
Oh,okay.
我希望
Well,I was hoping,um,
你能帮我个忙
you could do me a favor.
义不容辞 说吧
Sure,yeah,name it.
这次谢尔顿没见上斯坦•李 我得负一定责任
Well,I'm kind of responsible for Sheldon missing Stan Lee,
我真的很想弥补他
and I really want to make it up to him.
所以希望你能给我他的电话
So I was hoping you could give me his phone number
也许我能安排他们见个面
so maybe I can arrange for them to meet.
抱歉 我没他电话
Oh,I'm sorry,I don't have his phone number.
该死
Damn.
好吧 谢了
All right. Thank you.
等等
Wait.
我有他地址
I have his address.
真的
Really?
太好了
Great!
但不能告诉你
But I can't give it to you.
那你为什么要提这茬
Then why did you tell me you had it?
我不知道 这不聊天嘛
I don't know. Just chatting.
别这样看着我
You're looking at a guy
我已经可怜到 连流浪猫
who could very well get stood up
都可能放我鸽子
by a stray cat tonight.
抱歉 斯图尔特
I'm sorry,Stuart.
不管怎样 谢了
Thanks anyway.
等等
Wait.
怎么了
Yeah?
不如我们做笔交易
Maybe we can make a deal.
什么交易
What kind of deal?
我告诉你地址
I will give you the address
你就陪我去参加我表妹的婚礼
if you go to my cousin's wedding with me.
你这是在逼我跟你约会
You're extorting a date out of me?
我没其他办法
I kind of have to.
这次要结婚的这个表妹
The cousin who's getting married
就是以前经常陪我参加别人婚礼的那个
is the cousin I usually go to weddings with.
我能带上莱纳德吗
Can I bring Leonard?
当然 随便吧
Sure. What the hell.
成交
Deal.
告诉别人他是你表哥就行
We'll tell people he's your cousin.
这是斯坦•李家的大门
This is Stan Lee's front door.
越过斯坦•李家马路的石头
We were on Stan Lee's curb,
走过斯坦•李经常走过的路
then we were on Stan Lee's walk,
终于来到了斯坦•李家大门外
and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.
对
Yup.
天哪 你按了斯坦•李家门铃
Oh,Lord,you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell.
就站在斯坦•李家门外
At Stan Lee's house.
我们就要进去 跟斯坦•李共享牛奶和点心
We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.
亲爱的 我不确定他是否会招待我们点心
Okay,sweetie,I don't know if we're gonna have cookies,
还是直接问候了事
or he's just gonna say hi,
还是会怎么着 所以让我来跟他谈...
or really what's gonna happen,so just let me talk,and...
哪位
Yeah?
你就是斯坦•李吗
Are you Stan Lee?
见鬼
Oh,damn.
你好 我叫佩妮 这位是我朋友谢尔顿
Hi. I'm Penny. This is my friend,Sheldon.
她现在不是我朋友
We're not friends at the moment.
鉴于此刻形势
Depends on how this goes.
好吧 总之
Right,right. Anyway,
谢尔顿是您的超级粉丝 他原打算
Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours,and he was supposed
那天去漫画书店参加您的见面会
to meet you the other day at the comic book store,
可惜最后进了监狱
but he kind of ended up in jail.
了解 你们真以为
I see. And you thought
这样不请自来 就能随便敲我家门
you'd just come over to my house uninvited?
你说过我们是受邀来的
You said we were invited.
不不 我只说我邀请你
Oh,no,no,I said I'm inviting you
跟我一起去斯坦•李家
to come with me to Stan Lee's house.
你们这些自称粉丝的 真是不可思议
You know,you fan boys are unbelievable.
真以为只要自己高兴 随时都能按我家门铃
Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want?
既然这样 干嘛不索性进门来
I mean,why don't you just come on in
跟我一起看湖人队比赛好了
and watch the Lakers game with me?
我不是很爱好体育
Well,I'm not much of a sports fan,
不过感谢邀请
but thank you.
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
他不是很懂什么叫讽刺
He doesn't really understand sarcasm.
好吧 我动点真格的 他就会懂了
Well,I'll give him something he'll understand.
琼妮 快报警
Joanie,call the police!
很高兴见到你
Nice to meet you.
《神奇四侠》 《夜魔侠》
Fantastic Four,Daredevil,
《无敌钢铁超人》
Invincible Iron Man,
分别为《钢铁侠》《蜘蛛侠》中角色
快乐霍根 蜥蜴博士
Happy Hogan,Curt Connors...
你能不能消停会
Would you just let it go?
Fin Fang Foom是《钢铁侠》中一条龙的形象
还有最糟糕的 非凡龙
And worst of all,Fin Fang Foom.
你去哪了
Hey,where've you been?
我告诉你们我去哪了
I'll tell you where I've been.
你们或许跟斯坦•李一起吃了冰激凌
You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee
还得了他亲笔签名的漫画
and gotten autographed comics,
我可是亲自进了他家
but I saw the inside of his house
还得到了他亲笔签名的禁制令申请状
and got an autographed application for a restraining order.
赞
Sweet.
还有我还能再见到他 等听证会的时候
Plus,I get to hang out with him again at the hearing.
下次我还能如法炮制
This is going to look great hanging next
Leonard Nimoy 史波克扮演者
去要伦纳德•尼莫伊签名的禁制令
to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.
[ 此帖被半世癫在2014-08-19 01:02重新编辑 ] -
第三季第15集
嗯 我也想你了 亲爱的
Yeah,I miss you,too,sweetie.
我得挂了 晚上见吧
Listen,I got to go,but I'll see you tonight?
好的
Okay.
拜拜
Bye-bye.
拜拜
Bye-bye.
不 你先挂嘛
No,you hang up first.
喂
Hello?
老兄 我为你好不容易找到个女朋友而高兴
Dude,I'm glad you finally got a girlfriend,
但你非得当着我们这些光棍的面
but do you have to do all that lovey-dovey stuff
玩那套你亲我热的把戏吗
in front of those of us who don't?
事实上 他也许该当如此
Actually,he might have to.
在经济学里有种概念被称之为地位商品
There's an economic concept known as a positional good
它只在持有人手中才能彰显其价值
in which an object is only valued by the possessor
因为其他人无法拥有
because it's not possessed by others.
这个词由经济学家弗列得•赫希杜撰于1976年
The term was coined in 1976 by economist Fred Hirsch
用来取代更口语化 但并不准确的"哦也-哦也"[嘲讽]
to replace the more colloquial,but less precise "neener-neener."
才不是呢
That's not true.
我的快乐不是建立于
My happiness is not dependent
挚友的杯具与孤独之上的
on my best friend being miserable and alone.
谢谢
Thank you.
当然 要说我没得儿意地笑肯定是说谎了
Although,I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little bit of a perk.
谁杯具和孤独了
Who's miserable and alone?
我
Me.
噢
Oh.
我以前也这样
I used to be like that.
直到我有了女朋友
Then I got a girlfriend.
用1976年之前的话来说 "哦也-哦也"
In pre-1976 terms,neener-neener.
嘿 你和伯纳黛特准备如何
Hey,what are you and Bernadette doing
共度你们的第一个情人节
for your first Valentine's Day?
啊 我可是绞尽脑汁了
Yeah,I am pulling out all the stops.
华馆提供了39.95美金的情侣特典套餐
There's a $39.95 lover's special at P.F. Chang's.
蛋卷啊 饺子啊
Egg rolls,dumplings,
数不清的炒菜 最后你还能和门口硕大的
bottomless wok,and you get your picture taken
大理石马合影留念
on the big marble horse out front.
考虑到圣瓦伦丁是个在公元三世纪
Given that Saint Valentine was a third century Roman priest
被丢石头和斩首的罗马祭司
who was stoned and beheaded,
在这个夜晚带着女朋友去看一场残忍的凶杀
wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening
难道不是更合情理的庆祝方式吗
be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?
我明白你的意思 但是有选择的话
I understand your point,but given a choice,
犹太人永远选择中国菜
Jews always go with Chinese food.
呃 如果任何人有兴趣
Well,if anyone's interested,
今年的情人节
I'll be spending this Valentine's Day
我会像往年一样
the same way I spend every Valentine's Day.
从超市买只大烤鸡
Buying a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket,
带回家 站在洗手池边
taking it home,standing over the sink
像只禽兽一样直接打开包装用手抓着吃
and eating it out of the package with my bare hands like an animal.
很好 那总结一下 一个是大理石骏马
Okay,so to sum up: one giant marble horse,
一条愚蠢之极的意见
one asinine comment,
剩男则独自回家吃鸡
one lonely man and his chicken.
让我们看看 还剩谁呢
And let's see. Who's left?
没错 就剩我的计划了
Oh,that's right. My plans.
有人想要问一下吗
Isn't anyone going to ask?
好吧 告诉我们你会和佩妮云雨一番
Fine,tell us you're going to have sex with Penny.
这不是我想说的
That's not what I was going to tell you.
没关系
It's okay.
我不介意听听你的性生活
I don't mind hearing about your sex life.
只有他的才会让我抓狂
It's his that bugs me.
你们猜学校要派谁去瑞士
Guess who the university is sending to Switzerland
参加研讨会并参观欧洲核子研究委员会的超级对撞机
to attend a conference and see the CERN supercollider
就在二月十四日
on February 14?
诺顿教授 尽管原因只有上帝才知道
Professor Norton,although,God knows why.
他自从获得诺贝尔奖之后
He hasn't published anything of note
就再也没有发表过任何著名的文章
since he won that Nobel Prize.
事实上 诺顿教授去不成了
Actually,Professor Norton can't make it.
他在攀岩的时候把腰扭了
He threw his back out rock climbing.
我怎么听说他是在攀新女友的高峰时把腰扭了
I heard he threw his back out climbing on his new girlfriend.
就是第二台的那个爆乳天气女郎吗
The big-boobed weather girl on Channel 2?
就是她
That's the one.
不管怎样 他们邀请我代替他
In any case,they're asking me to fill in for him.
是瑞士还是爆乳天气女郎
In Switzerland or with the big-boobed weather girl?
瑞士
Switzerland.
而且我还能带一个人去
And I get to bring a guest!
哦 天呐 不可能 老兄
Oh,man! No way,dude!
太难以置信了
This is incredible!
我太开心了
I'm so happy,
我甚至不想去质疑他们为什么会选你去了
I'm not even going to question their judgment in picking you.
我要速度奔回家收拾行李
I'm just going to run home and start packing.
你怎么不带佩妮去
Why wouldn't you take Penny?
我是要带佩妮去的
I am taking Penny.
哦
Oh.
那我预测你回家会面临个尴尬的境地
Well,then I anticipate an awkward situation when you get home.
谢尔顿 有空吗
Sheldon,you got a minute?
当然了 我的好朋友
Of course,my good friend.
请进
Come in.
帮我参考一下
Help me out.
哪顶滑雪帽比较像超级对撞机
Which ski hat says aprey supercollider?
谢尔顿 我没有选你去瑞士
Sheldon,I'm not taking you to Switzerland.
你当然选我了
Well,of course you are.
你还能选谁呢
Who else would you take?
佩妮
Penny.
什么
What?
这太荒谬了
That's absurd.
佩妮对亚原子粒子的研究又不感兴趣
Penny has no interest in subatomic particle research.
没错 但那是情人节啊
Yes,but it'll be Valentine's Day.
我们可以去观光滑雪
We can go sightseeing and skiing
然后在熊熊炉火前与皑皑白雪所覆盖的
and make love in front of a roaring fire
阿尔卑斯山阴中共度春宵
in the shadow of the snowcapped Alps.
但佩妮对亚原子粒子的研究不感兴趣啊
But Penny has no interest in subatomic particle research.
抱歉 谢尔顿
I'm sorry,Sheldon.
抱歉
Sorry?
我自从九岁起就一直梦想着有朝一日
I've been dreaming about going to the Large Hadron Collider
去看大型强子对撞机
since I was nine years old.
是吗 那我还从六岁起就梦想有朝一日有个女生
Yeah,well,I've been dreaming about spending Valentine's Day
能与我共度情人节呢
with a girl since I was six.
太可耻了
Shame on you!
这不是科学家该有的梦
That's no dream for a scientist!
你要给我什么巨大的惊喜啊
Okay,what's the big surprise?
稍等一下
Just a minute.
这个托盘里藏着
This tray contains clues
你和我如何共度情人节的线索
as to what you and I are going to be doing on Valentine's Day.
喔 好吧
Oh. Wow. Okay.
让我看看
Let's see.
有牛奶巧克力
We've got,uh,milk chocolate,
瑞士硬干酪 芝士火锅
Swiss cheese,fondue.
我的乳糖不耐症男友要吃完这些
My lactose-intolerant boyfriend is going to eat all this.
然后我骑在他背上
Then I'm going to climb on his back
直冲月球
and rocket to the moon?
不对
No.
但的确跟空中旅行有关
But it does involve air travel.
这样吧
Okay,um...
我用"瑞士"军刀
let me slice this Swiss cheese
切一片"瑞士"干酪
with my Swiss army knife,
你可以把它加到一杯
and then you can wash it down with a cup
"瑞士"小姐速溶可可里
of Swiss Miss instant cocoa.
嗯 我觉得瑞士应该是个关键词了
Okay,I'm starting to think Swiss is key here.
没错
Uh-huh.
去迪士尼乐园玩马特洪峰雪橇过山车
We're going to Disneyland and ride the Matterhorn?
这怎么会跟空中旅行有关
How does that involve air travel?
去迪士尼世界玩马特洪雪橇过山车[奥兰多 佛罗里达]
We're going to Disney World and ride the Matterhorn?
不对
No.
亲爱的 开始是挺好玩的
Okay,sweetie,this started out fun,
但现在没意思了
but I'm over it.
我们要去瑞士的
We're going to Switzerland
欧洲核子研究中心参观超级对撞机
to see the CERN supercollider!
还有去滑雪
And ski. We'll also go skiing.
我们要去瑞士滑雪
We're going skiing in Switzerland?!
你滑 我会摔倒 不过是的
Well,you'll ski,I'll fall,but,yeah,
我们要去瑞士过情人节
we will be in Switzerland for Valentine's Day.
天啊 莱纳德
Oh,my God,Leonard!
太好了
That's incredible!
别高兴得太早
Not so fast.
先别急着点
You might want to hold off
你的芜菁灯吧 佩妮
on lighting your rabeliechtli,Penny.
芜什么玩意儿
Rabe-what-ly?
芜菁灯
Rabeliechtli.
芜菁灯
It means turnip light
是一种用根菜
and refers to a traditional lantern
手工雕刻的传统灯笼
hand-carved from a root vegetable
用于庆祝瑞士的特定节日
and used to celebrate certain Swiss festivals.
但你不会参加
Which you will not be celebrating
原因之一 节日在秋季
{c
原因之二
and B:
你去不了瑞士
you will not be going to Switzerland.
谢尔顿 我们谈过了
Sheldon,we've been through this.
我带佩妮去
I'm taking Penny.
估计不行
Afraid not.
你还认得这个吗
Do you recognize this?
别提室友协议
Not the roommate agreement.
正是室友协议
Indeed,the roommate agreement.
请您注意友谊附加条款
I call your attention to the Friendship Rider
在附录C 未来义务
in Appendix C: Future Commitments.
第37条 当一位朋友受邀
"Number 37: in the event one friend is ever invited
参观现在瑞士建设中的
"to visit the Large Hadron Collider,
大型强子对撞机
"now under construction in Switzerland,
该人应邀请另一位朋友相陪
he shall invite the other friend to accompany him."
偶滴神啊
Oh,for God's sakes.
你们连这个也写进协议里吗
You actually put that in an agreement?
里面还写了
Yeah. We also put in what happens
如果一人得了麦克阿瑟天才奖怎么办
if one of us wins a MacArthur Grant,
如果一人有超能力怎么办
or if one of us gets superpowers,
如果一人被僵尸咬了怎么办
or if one of us is bitten by a zombie.
就算我尸变 他也不能杀我
He can't kill me,even if I turn.
里面没写一人有了女友怎么办吗
Is there anything in there about if one of you gets a girlfriend?
没有 那个有点太不着调了
No,that seemed a little farfetched.
谢尔顿 你真打算强制实施这个吗
Sheldon,do you really expect to enforce this?
我一直遵守
I've lived up
协议里的所有义务
to all my commitments under the agreement.
每天至少问候你一次
At least once a day I ask how you are,
即使我一点都不在意
even though I simply don't care.
我没有
I no longer
在晚上十点后进行生物危害演习了
stage spontaneous biohazard drills after 10:00 p.m.
我也放弃学习图瓦喉唱了
And I abandoned my goal to master Tuvan throat singing.
-我知道不该问 不过什么是 -别啊
- Okay,I know I shouldn't ask,but what is...? - No.
如果允许我训练 我能唱得更好
I'd be much further along if I'd been allowed to practice.
谢尔顿
Look,Sheldon,
我知道协议这么写
I know it's in the agreement,
如果你真的变成僵尸 我保证不杀你
and if you turn into a zombie,I promise I will not kill you.
我宁愿让你喝我脑浆
In fact,I'll even let you eat my brains.
但我还是要带佩妮去瑞士
But I am taking Penny to Switzerland.
这是你的最终决定吗
Is that your final decision?
没错
It is.
很好
Very well.
他不会罢休 对吧
It's not over,is it?
你以为呢
What do you think?
今早的车挺多啊
Got a bit of traffic this morning,huh?
你觉得会下雨吗
Think it's gonna rain?
今天早上
Instead of underpants,
我把土豆沙拉当内裤穿了
I covered my crotch with potato salad this morning.
有啥想法
Thoughts?
我知道怎么让你高兴
Okay,I know what'll cheer you up.
我们玩你的开车游戏吧
Let's play one of your driving games.
好啊
All right.
游戏名就叫叛徒
This game is called Traitors.
我说三个历史人物
I will name three historical figures,
你以背叛行为的罪恶程度
you put them in order
来给他们排下序
of the heinousness of their betrayal.
本尼迪克特•阿诺德 犹大 莱纳德•霍夫斯塔德博士
Benedict Arnold,Judas,Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
你真觉得我跟他们是一类人吗
You really think I belong with Benedict Arnold and Judas?
你说得对
You're right.
犹大至少为自己的作为
Judas had the decency to hang himself
以死谢罪了
after what he did.
别这样 谢尔顿
Come on,Sheldon.
你就不能理解一下
Can't you at least try to understand
这对我有多重要吗
how much this means to me?
第二轮 莱纳德•霍夫斯塔德
Round two: Leonard Hofstadter,
达斯•维达[星战黑武士] 鲁珀特•默多克
Darth Vader,Rupert Murdoch.
鲁珀特•默多克
Rupert Murdoch?
福克斯电视台老板 他们把《萤火虫》砍了
He owns Fox,and they cancelled Firefly.
提示 他和达斯•维达并列第二
Hint: he and Darth Vader are tied for #2.
对不起昨晚不能陪你
I'm sorry I couldn't hang with you last night.
我和伯纳黛特约会了
I had a date with Bernadette.
我知道
I know.
我在推特上看到了
I saw the Tweet.
那你干什么了
So,what did you end up doing?
没干什么
Not much.
热了块玉米馅饼
Nuked a burrito. Oh.
向印度女神乌尔瓦希祈祷你会拉稀
Prayed to the Hindu god Urvashi that your bowels would loosen
老二蔫得跟柳条一样柔软
and your penis would droop like a willow tree.
看到谢尔顿了吗
You seen Sheldon?
没有 他还在为超级对撞机的事生气吗
No. Is he still mad about the supercollider?
对 他觉得我背叛了他
Yeah. He thinks I betrayed him.
搞什么啊
I mean,come on.
要是你们会带谁
What would you guys do if you were me?
我会带谢尔顿去瑞士
I'd take Sheldon to Switzerland.
真的假的
Seriously?
当然了
Absolutely.
再把他扔在那里
And I'd leave him there.
这是什么情况
What the hell is that?
让我数数
Uh,let's see.
30把银制餐具
30 pieces of silverware.
[格里格 培尔金特组曲之晨曦]
Grieg "Peer Gynt - Morning"
早安 老伙计
Morning,old chum.
搞什么
What's going on?
我给你做了早餐
I've made you breakfast.
有果汁和咖啡
Juice,coffee,
还有一些薄饼
and pancakes in the shape of some
上面是你最爱的虚构角色
of your favorite fictional characters.
瞧 这是弗罗多[出自《魔戒》]
See,here's Frodo.
你居然做了弗罗多薄饼
You made Frodo pancakes?
脚毛部分我用的是椰子刨花
Yeah,I used coconut shavings to do the hair on his feet.
你进餐前若需要清空膀胱
If you need to void your bladder before eating,
我会用这顶贝雷帽帮你暖着
I can keep them warm with this beret
我已经彻底清洗干净
that I thoroughly laundered
松软程度正适宜用来盖薄饼
and pressed into service as a pancake cozy.
你有什么目的
Why are you doing this?
对我近来的行为表示歉意
It's by way of an apology for my recent behavior.
经过这段时间的思考
I've had some time
我终于意识到
to reflect and I've come to realize
友谊不能依靠那堆
that friendship is not an aggregation
白纸黑字的协定来维系
of written agreements.
而需要两人之间
It's a result of two people
互相尊重和体谅
respecting and caring for each other.
尝尝奶油烤饼吗
Butterscotch scone?
多谢
Thanks.
好吃
It's good.
这其中包含着我满满的尊敬和感情
What you're tasting is respect and affection.
当然还有一磅左右植物白油
And about a pound of Crisco.
待你用完早餐
After you've finished breakfast,
我觉得 今天我们可以
I thought we could spend the day
一起看导演点评版的
watching the final season of Babylon 5
巴比伦5号[美国科幻剧]
with director commentary.
你不是讨厌《巴比伦5号》吗
You hate Babylon 5.
当然 既没剧情又不科幻
I do. It fails as drama/science fiction,
彻头彻尾的仿制大烂片
and it's hopelessly derivative.
但是你喜欢 而我们又是朋友
But you like it,and you're my friend.
好吧 赞
Okay,great.
我还是不会带你去瑞士
Still not taking you to Switzerland.
见鬼
Drat.
没你的弗罗多尝了
No Frodo for you.
你好
Hello.
好啊
Hello.
得 我们就省掉假惺惺的友好吧
All right,let's dispense with the friendly banter.
你应该知道我为何来此
I believe you know why I'm here.
关于这点 我一直认为
Well,I always figured it was to study us,
你是来发现我们地球人的弱点
discover our weaknesses,
再报告给你们的外星君主
and report back to your alien overlords.
搞笑
Yes,amusing.
特定情报 对你而言
Extraordinary intelligence
貌似是显得像天外来客般难懂
might well appear extraterrestrial to you,
但我还是友情提醒下
but let me be
确切地说
more specific.
你应该知道我为何在此 这个洗衣间里
I believe you know why I'm here in the laundry room.
喉音唱腔在这里有更好的音响效果吗
Better acoustics for your throat singing?
还真不赖嘛
It's actually not bad.
但我来此的真正目的
But my true purpose in being here
是来做一个简要的幻灯片演说
will be revealed in this brief PowerPoint presentation.
关灯
Lights.
为什么谢尔顿•库珀博士必须去瑞士欧核中心
Why Sheldon Cooper,PhD,should go to Switzerland
参观超级对撞机的理由
to see the CERN supercollider:
发言人 谢尔顿•库珀博士
a PowerPoint presentation by Sheldon Cooper,PhD.
我的老天爷
Oh,for God's sake.
这是一位在粒子物理学领域的
Here we have a highly gifted researcher
超级天才科学家
in the field of particle physics
他的成就关乎全人类的命运
whose work has brought him to the precipice
从此改变对宇宙的理解
of forever changing mankind's understanding of the universe.
确切来说就是我
AKA me.
而这是一位女招待
And here we have a waitress
只会用手指抠牙齿而已
brushing her teeth with her finger.
确切来说就是你
AKA you.
不好意思
I'm sorry.
这算是在奉承我吗
Is this supposed to be buttering me up?
请等演讲结束后再提问
Please hold all questions till the end of the presentation.
这是瑞士欧核中心的
This is the Large Hadron Collider
大型强子对撞机
at CERN in Switzerland,
经由数十年规划和建构而成
the product of decades of planning and construction.
是全世界物理学家心目中的圣地
It is a Mecca for physicists the world over.
而这是科罗拉多大街的
This is Bath and Body Works
Bath and Body Works[某品牌]沐浴乳商店
on Colorado Boulevard.
他们卖香皂和乳液
They sell scented soaps and lotions,
外加一些小闪饰品
some of which contain glitter.
现在我们来配对
Now,let's see if we can match the individual
这两个人以哪个地方作为目的地比较合适
to the appropriate destination.
好吧
O-kay.
别闹了
Show's over.
还没完呢
No,it's not.
我还有五张幻灯片没讲
I've got five more slides.
谢尔顿 这是莱纳德的决定
Sheldon,this is Leonard's decision.
他邀我去瑞士 我也很想去
He invited me to Switzerland,and I intend to go.
好吧
Very well.
玩得开心
Enjoy yourself.
你将亲眼目睹
You're going to be in the presence of something
我所梦寐以求了十多年的伟大成就
that I've dreamed of seeing for decades.
希望你能明白
I just hope you'll be able to appreciate
这其中所包含的重要意义
the magnitude of where you are and what it represents.
我会和莱纳德谈谈
I'll talk to Leonard.
真的吗
You will?
对
Yes.
既然对你而言意义重大 那应该让你去
If it means that much to you,you should go.
谢谢你 佩妮
Oh,Penny,thank you!
没什么
You're welcome.
我不怎么抱人
Since I rarely hug,
要抱多久就听你的
I'm relying on your expertise regarding duration.
我觉得差不多了
I think we're there.
好极了
Oh,good.
拜啦
Bye-bye.
你猜怎么着
You know what?
没有马子又怎样
Even though I don't have a girlfriend,
情人节老子照样可以好好过
I can still have a good time on Valentine's Day.
听我的吧 这不可能
Trust me,you can't.
我早试过了
I've tried.
不 我准备好好过我自己的情人节
No,no,no,I'm going to have a "me" day.
首先 去韩国城找家店做个SPA
First I'm going to go to one of those SPAs in Koreatown,
蒸个桑拿 找人按摩一下
take a steam and get a massage.
然后去宠物店 找条小狗狗来舔舔我
Then I'm going to stop at a pet store and get licked by puppies.
谢尔顿 我得跟你谈谈
Sheldon,I need to talk to you.
好的 朋友
All right,my friend.
来点Cholermus煎饼尝尝吗
Would you like some Cholermus?
尝什么
Some what?
Cholermus煎饼
Cholermus.
一种传统的瑞士早餐
It's a traditional Swiss breakfast dish.
我正在训练我的消化系统
I'm preparing my gastrointestinal system
习惯瑞士菜特殊的烹饪方法
for the exotic cuisine of Switzerland.
又轮不上你去瑞士
You're not going to Switzerland!
但我要去
Oh,but I am.
佩妮没告诉你最新的好消息吗
Didn't Penny tell you the good news?
她跟我说 你背着我去找她
She told me that you went behind my back
让她觉得内疚 主动提出让你替代她去瑞士
to guilt her into letting you go instead of her.
对 就是这个好消息
Yes,that good news.
想都别想 我才是受邀的人
Well,forget it. I was the one who was invited.
只有我能决定找谁同行
I get to decide who goes with me,
我决定找佩妮 而不是你
and it's Penny,not you!
霍华德 把灯光调暗点好吗
Howard,could you lower the lights?
我做了段简短的幻灯片演示文稿
I have a short PowerPoint presentation.
没必要看什么演示
I don't need to see your presentation.
讨论到此为止了
This discussion is over!
这回答有够模棱两可的
That's a somewhat ambiguous response.
到底带不带我去
Am I going or not?
谢尔顿 事已至此
Sheldon,at this point,
我宁愿自己去 也不带你
I would go by myself before I would take you.
真的
Really?
真的
Yeah,really.
好吧 那我也别无选择了
Well,then,you leave me no alternative.
从现在起
From this moment forward,
我们可以当室友 但不再是朋友了
we can be roommates,but we will no longer be friends.
很遗憾你这么觉得
I'm sorry you feel that way.
我认为你还未充分意识到
I don't think you're fully aware
此事的后果 莱纳德
of the ramifications here,Leonard.
你何不指点一下
Why don't you enlighten me?
既然我们"室友协议"中的友谊条款无效了
With the friendship clause of our Roommate Agreement nullified
等我受邀去比尔•盖茨家游泳的时候
you are no longer entitled to accompany me
你也就失去了随同一起去的资格
to go swimming at Bill Gates' house should I be invited.
那可伤大了
Ooh,that's gotta sting.
想想看 明天这个时候
Just think,this time tomorrow
我们已经在瑞士日内瓦
we'll be in Geneva,Switzerland
共度我俩第一个情人节了
for our first Valentine's Day.
是啊
I know!
我今天特地去逛街
I went shopping today
专门为此行买了件小内内呢
and bought special undies for the occasion.
保暖吗 那边会很冷哦
Thermal?'Cause it's gonna be cold.
再好好想想 莱纳德
Think it through,Leonard.
祝你健康[用于对刚打喷嚏者的祝愿]
Gesundheit.
或者学他们瑞士人讲话
Or as they say in Switzerland,
祝您健康
Gesundheit.
你感冒了吗
You getting a cold?
不 可能只是有点过敏
No,no,it's probably just allergies.
想吃点抗过敏药吗
Do you want an allergy pill?
我啥都有哦
'Cause I have 'em all.
处方药 非处方药
Prescription,nonprescription,
进口药 国产药 实验性药物
foreign,domestic,experimental.
有管用的吗
Do any of them work?
没 我只是喜欢收集
Not really,I'm just an enthusiast.
佩妮
Penny?
你还好吧
You okay?
我听起来很好的样子吗
Did that sound okay to you?
别进来
Do not come in here!
怎么回事
What's going on?
我这儿开茶话会呢
I'm having a tea party.
不然你以为怎么回事
What do you think's going on?
我想我可能得了流感
I think I might have the flu.
要不就是瘟疫
Or the plague.
我们是早上9点的飞机
Well,our plane leaves at 9:00 a.m.
你觉得到那时你会感觉好点吗
Do you think you'll feel better by then?
会的
Yep.
因为那时我早已痛苦至死了
'Cause I'm gonna be dead.
谢尔顿
Hey,Sheldon?
佩妮病得很重
Listen,Penny is pretty sick
不能去瑞士了
and she's not going to be able to go to Switzerland.
你还有兴趣的话 欢迎随我一起去
So if you're still interested,you're welcome to come.
太好了
Great.
我这就去收拾行李
I'll start packing.
等我一下
In a minute.
Cholermus煎饼都吐出来了
Oh,look,it's the Cholermus.
你的汤
Here's your soup.
-鸡汤 -对
- Chicken? - Yes.
-加了点小点缀的 -对
- With the little stars? - Yes.
加热到180度
Heated to 180 degrees?
不如我倒你膝盖上 你来告诉我到底几度
Why don't I pour it in your lap and you can tell me?
不必这么刻薄吧
You don't have to be mean.
我是病人
I'm sick.
是啊 我也是病人
Yeah,well,I'm sick,too.
不关我事
Not my problem.
我就是想不明白 我怎么会生病的
I just don't understand how this happened to me.
我对个人卫生一向一丝不苟
I'm scrupulous about my hygiene.
还定期给双手消毒
I regularly disinfect my hands,
一般来说 还都避免接触到别人
and I avoid contact with other people on general principle.
我不知道怎么说 谢尔顿
I don't know what to tell you,Sheldon.
佩妮 谢谢你
Oh,Penny,thank you!
不客气
You're welcome.
是你
It's you!
我拥抱过你
I touched you!
情人节快乐
Happy Valentine's Day.
天哪 看看这房间
Oh,my goodness,look at this room!
香槟
Champagne!
玫瑰
Roses!
还有巧克力
And little chocolates!
这一定是我有生以来最棒的情人节
This is going to be the best Valentine's Day ever.
对了 我忘了还准备了这些
Yeah,I forgot about all this.
但我可永世难忘
But I never will.
[ 此帖被半世癫在2014-08-19 01:01重新编辑 ]
