[Help] 悲催的，英语不错的同学来帮帮我撒~~o(>_<)o ~~

嗷~一个初中同学写了一篇essay，要我帮他改改，虽然我是英语专业的，可是我发觉他写的比我好（他去英国留学了。。。），我改个毛啊啊！广大派友们，有英语不错的吗？帮我看看吧，改改语法错误就行了，内容不用改了><改出一个错误20PB怎么样？？全文改的话，1000PB咋样？？
苍天啊，最好立刻就改，他明天就问我要了
貌似心情不可以传附件，直接上正文吧
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Evaluate the approaches that can be adopted to improve energy efficiency in the home
Plan draft 4
Introduction
•         Background/Problem
The whole world is facing a challenge of energy crisis. World electricity demand will double between 2000 and 2030, with the greatest demand increase in the developing world and the most rapid growth in people’s homes. This is a sensitive problem that is trouble in energy crisis.
•         Transition
If human beings improve the way they use energy in the home, it will reduce the damage to the environment. Because of enhancing the environment quality, it has significant social and economic benefits to every family in the neighbourhood.
•         Thesis statements(the purpose statement and outline every approach that can be adopted)
The aim of this essay is to evaluate the approaches that can be adopted to improve energy efficiency in the home. These approaches are changing the structure of residential buildings and using electricity and water efficiently in homes.

Paragraph 1
•         Central topic: Structure of residential buildings
•         Topic sentence: Changing buildings’ designs can be used to conserve energy.
1.   People can develop solar-energy residences to solve the lack of energy (Renewable Energy,2004,P11).
2.   We can acquire more natural light from the new designs of buildings by increasing the areas of the windows in the daytime (Renewable Energy, 2004, P49).
3.   Insulation materials have good effects on constructing buildings (State of the World, 2004,P35).
4.   New buildings should be designed to be well ventilated and cultivating the plants around the homes.
•         Evaluations:
Practicality: For example, the availability of solar radiation in UK (Renewable Energy, 2004)
Cost: the high cost of constructing new homes
Special conditions: we can install automatic control lights when natural light can’t be acquired.
Long term: lower the temperature and improve the ventilation rate.

The effects of not using insulation materials: It leads to more consumption energy (Global Issues, 2008, P148).
•         A mini-conclusion: Although the new structure of homes is full of challenge, it is a basic key to the question. It will be worth trying our best to attempt it.   

Paragraph2
•         Central topic: Using electricity efficiently
•         Topic sentence: Making full use of electricity is also one sector of improving energy efficiency.
a.    The evidence reflects that we can purchase more energy-efficient appliances to use in our homes (Plan B, 2009, P84)(State of the World, 2004, P32).
b.    Lighting uses the compact fluorescent lamps instead of incandescent lamps as family articles (Plan B, 2009, P81).
•         Evaluations:
Cost: most energy-efficient appliances with high price (Plan B, 2009, P86)
Political support: The government has taken measures to make a plan to respond to the use of energy inefficiently at home ( Energy Revolution,2002,P188). Tax credits have also shown good results to efficient appliances (Energy Efficiency Policies around the World, 2008, P9).
Practicality: We should choose appropriate size of lamps according to different rooms to get different functions. For example, French government popularizes the measures about lighting.
Long term: using the summer time in some countries
Short tern: using time -of-day pricing to limit the loss of electricity(Plan B, 2009,P107).
•         A mini-conclusion: The electricity consumption accounts for main components of home energy, improving electricity efficiently will decrease the additional energy depletion. 

Paragraph 3
•         Central topic: Using water efficiently
•         Topic sentence: Most people consider conserving water as a means of improving energy efficiency.
     i.        Reusing the water is a way to decrease the loss of water energy (One Earth, One Future, 1992, P86 ). Such as, watering flowers with water breeding fish, washing tableware with water which washes rice
Some people believe that we can assemble natural rains to use in our life.
    ii.        Humans may improve water efficiency during our lives by decreasing the demand of using water. Household uses approximately 15 kWh per day of delivered energy for water heating in UK  ( Renewable Energy,2004,P31).
Such as, Water-saving washing machine and double bond toilet.
•         Evaluations:
Availability: It is troublesome to install facilities to assemble natural rains at homes.
Long effects: polluted rains maybe have bad effects on humans’  health (The Global Casino, 2008,P358).
Long term: Water has been achieved a goal which improves energy efficiency. 
Political support: Some countries make some water policies (The Real Environmental Crisis, 2003,P98). For example, western countries (Inter-Basin Water Transfer, 2007, P70)
•         A mini-conclusion: Improving water efficiency is often ignored by people in homes, every government should increase public awareness because water resource is a kind of foundation energy.   

Conclusion
•         In conclusion, changing the structure of residential buildings and using electricity and water efficiently in homes are adopted to improve energy efficiency in the home.
•         Briefing the evaluation criteria in every aspect as answers .


Our modern lives are closely associated with energy. Actually, the whole world is facing a challenge of energy crisis. Yet, a multiple of facts make it more difficult to use energy efficiently in society. People use approximately one third of all energy in the home for cooking, heating, lighting and operating some appliances (Sawin, 2004). In contrast to the industrialised countries, the household sector is a main area of using more energy in the less developed countries (World Energy Council, 2008). As homes become bigger, they consume more energy. One International Energy Agency projects that the world’s electricity demand will double between 2000 and 2030, especially in people’s home (Sawin, 2004).This will aggravate the current energy crisis. Energy efficiency in homes is one way to solve the problem. If human beings improve the way they use energy in the home, it will reduce the damage to the environment because it enhances  environmental quality, and has significant social and economic benefits for every family in the neighbourhood (Hugh, 2008). The aim of this essay is to evaluate the approaches that can be adopted to improve energy efficiency in the home. These approaches are changing the structure of residential buildings and using electricity and water efficiently in homes.
Changing buildings’ designs can be used to conserve energy. People can obtain more solar energy to solve the lack of energy by developing a solar-energy residence. It is easy to build these new homes for humans because scientists can take control of the new technology which is a contribution of enhancing solar energy to our space heating and lighting requirements in every residence (Boyle, 2004). Apart from the solar-energy system, more natural light can be acquired from the new designs of buildings by increasing the areas of the windows as far as possible. Because it is reported that domestic lighting accounted for about 3 percent of the energy use in the UK 2000 (Boyle, 2004), reducing the lighting energy consumption is very necessary. Using insulation materials can also get a good function for keeping warm and insulating heat on constructing buildings. In cold climates, the heating needs will reduce 90 percent through a combination of design and insulation materials in the homes (Sawin, 2004). New buildings also should be designed to be well ventilated and cultivate plants around the homes as plants can lower the temperature around the residences and improve the ventilation rate. It is a fact that breathing the fresh air is very comfortable in homes. However, there are some fundamental problems. A solar-energy residence replies on the solar radiation to supply energy, so the availability of solar radiation is a decisive element for every country. For example, the availability of solar radiation in UK may be smaller during some heating seasons (Boyle, 2004). It is evidenced that not every country can get enough solar radiation rather than it is dependent on the local climate. It also seems incredible that the poor spend much money purchasing the new buildings. The  first problem of natural light is not used in any time. It is a good suggestion to adopt install automatic control lights to make up for drawbacks while in rain days or evenings. The second one is increasing the areas of windows means a large of areas of glass absorb more rays, especially in summer. It will cause the high temperatures inside (Seitz, 2008). To these insulation, it leads to more consumption energy without using them. Although the new structure of homes is full of challenge, it is a basic key to the question. It will be worth trying our best to attempt it.  
Making full use of electricity is also one sector of improving energy efficiency. Home appliances are energy consumers and account for 30 percent of industrial countries’ electricity consumption and 12 percent of their greenhouse gas emissions (Sawin, 2004). For instance, 48 million refrigerators, 90 million colour TVs, and 42 million washers are needed in China in 2008 (Brown, 2009). These facts reflect that more energy-efficient appliances are needed for home use. Lighting in homes is also one of the main sectors of using up electricity. Revolutionary new technology is beneficial for lighting. Compact fluorescent lamps use 75 percent less electricity than old-fashioned incandescent bulbs (Brown, 2009). As a result, its lifetime is longer than old lamps and its price is affordable for the citizens. In terms of lighting, appropriate lamps’ size will get different functions according to different rooms. In France, most people adopt to the government’s suggestions to use low wattage lamps in garages and bathrooms. There is a obvious problem in higher initial purchase price of home appliances. It is surprised that some companies make a plan which uses old appliances to exchange the new one and adds half of price. It is convenient and helpful for improving energy efficiency at home. Apart from companies’ preferential measure, most governments have taken measures to make a plan to respond to the use of energy inefficiently at home. The national electricity conservation program have established energy efficiency test procedures and an efficiency labelling program (Geller, 2002). Governments have decreased the tax credits to stimulate the transaction of efficient appliances without the financial incentives (World Energy Council, 2008 ). Most countries use summer time to make full of natural lighting to save energy and some countries carry out the policy about time- of-day pricing. They keep balance energy consumption by adjusting the price in the peak or off-peak time (Brown, 2009). The electricity consumption accounts for main components of home energy, improving electricity efficiently will decrease the additional energy depletion.
Most people consider conserving water as a means of improving energy efficiency. Because of the lack of water resource, the available fresh water is divided into drinking water, sanitation and industry difficultly (Silver, 1992). To the whole family, reusing the water is a better way to decrease the loss of water energy. Many western people like planting flowers in their gardens and raising fish at the same time. So watering flowers with water breeding fish is a new idea to reuse the water. Except for that approach, washing tableware with water which washes rice will improve the utilization of water than before, especially in some Asian countries which regard the rice as the staple food. Some people believe that we can assemble natural rains to use in our life and take full of natural water to do housework. Humans also may improve water efficiency during our lives by decreasing the demand of using water. Household uses approximately 15 kWh per day of delivered energy for water heating in UK (Brown, 2009). It is a valuable data that warming us to take actions to protect water resource. To avoid the waste of much water, using water-saving washing machine and double bond toilet are necessary in homes. Of course, there are other facilities to change for conserving the water at home. However, everyone should treat the approaches more objectively. It is an argument that installing facilities to assemble natural rains at homes. The high cost of facilities is just one reason, whether rains be polluted becomes a main point. It means not all renewable sources are appropriate for reusing as new energy (Middleton, 2008). Water has been achieved a goal which improves energy efficiency in the long term. Some countries plan out some water policies for water efficiency. Governments start to allow the water price to reflect its true value, instead of the water allocation centralization schemes (Hollander, 2003). For example, it is $2.96 per m3 in Germany, $2.86 per m3 in Denmark and $2.05 per m3 in the United Kingdom (Ghassemi, 2007). Improving water efficiency is often ignored by people in homes, every government should increase public awareness because water resource is a kind of foundation energy. 
In conclusion, changing the structure of residential buildings and using electricity and water efficiently in homes are adopted to improve energy efficiency in the home. Although these approaches are not enough prefect, they are appropriate for improving energy efficiency overall. It is likely to change the structure of residental buildings and the most practical way is using electricity. If everyone increases own awareness, using water efficiency is effective in homes.