Chapter 8 HAVING felt my mind drawn towards a visit to a few meetings in Pennsylvania, Iwas very desirous to be rightly instructed as to the time of setting off. Onthe 10th of the Fifth Month, 1761, being the first day of the week, I went toHaddonfield Meeting, concluding to seek for heavenly instruction, and comehome, or go on, as I might then believe best for me, and there through thespringing up of pure love I felt encouragement, and so crossed the river. Inthis visit I was at two Quarterly and three Monthly Meetings, and in the love of truth I felt my way open to labour with some noted Friends who kept negroes. As I was favoured to keep to the root, and endeavour to discharge what Ibelieved was required of me, I found inward peace therein, from time to time,and thankfulness of heart to the Lord, who was graciously pleased to be a guideto me. Eighth Month, 1761. -- Having felt drawings in my mind to visit Friends inand about Shrewsbury; I went there, and was at their Monthly Meeting, and theirFirst-day meeting; I had also a meeting at Squan, and another at Squanquam,and, as way opened, had conversation with some noted Friends concerning theirslaves. I returned home in a thankful sense of the goodness of the Lord. From the concern I felt growing in me for some years, I wrote part the secondof a work entitled "Considerations on keeping Negroes," which was printed thisyear, 1762. When the overseers of the press had done with it, they offered toget a number printed, to be paid for out of the Yearly Meeting's stock, to begiven away; but I being most easy to publish it at my own expense, and offeringmy reasons, they appeared satisfied. This stock is the contribution of the members of our religious society ingeneral, among whom are some who keep negroes, and, being inclined to continuethem in slavery, are not likely to be satisfied with such books being spreadamong a people, especially at their own expense, many of whose slaves aretaught to read, and such, receiving them as a gift, often conceal them. But asthey who make a purchase generally buy that which they have a mind for, Ibelieved it best to sell them, expecting by that means they would moregenerally be read with attention. Advertisements were signed by order of theoverseers of the press, and directed to be read in the Monthly Meetings ofbusiness within our own Yearly Meeting, informing where the books were, andthat the price was no more than the cost of printing and binding them. Manywere taken off in our parts; some I sent to Virginia, some to New York, some tomy acquaintance at Newport, and some I kept, intending to give part of themaway, where there appeared a prospect of service. In my youth I was used to hard labour, and though I was middling healthy, yetmy nature was not fitted to endure so much as many others. Being often weary, Iwas prepared to sympathize with those whose circumstances in life, as free men,required constant labour to answer the demands of their creditors, as well aswith others under oppression. In the uneasiness of body which I have many timesfelt by too much labour, not as a forced but a voluntary oppression, I haveoften been excited to think on the original cause of that oppression which isimposed on many in the world. The latter part of the time wherein I laboured onour plantation, my heart, through the fresh visitations of heavenly love, being often tender, and my leisure time being frequently spent in reading the lifeand doctrines of our blessed Redeemer, the account of the sufferings ofmartyrs, and the history of the first rise of our Society, a belief wasgradually settled in my mind, that, if such as had great estates generallylived in that humility and plainness which belong to a Christian life, and laidmuch easier rents and interests on their lands and moneys, and thus led the wayto a right use of things, so great a number of people might be employed inthings useful that labour both for men and other creatures would need to be nomore than an agreeable employ, and divers branches of business, which servechiefly to please the natural inclinations of our minds, and which at presentseem necessary to circulate that wealth which some gather, might, in this wayof pure wisdom, be discontinued. As I have thus considered these things, aquery at times hath arisen: Do I, in all my proceedings, keep to that use ofthings which is agreeable to universal righteousness? And then there hath somedegree of sadness at times come over me, because I accustomed myself to somethings which have occasioned more labour than I believe divine wisdom intendedfor us. From my early acquaintance with truth I have often felt an inward distress,occasioned by the striving of a spirit in me against the operation of theheavenly principle; and in this state I have been affected with a sense of myown wretchedness, and in a mourning condition have felt earnest longings forthat divine help which brings the soul into true liberty. Sometimes on retiringinto private places, the spirit of supplication hath been given me, and under aheavenly covering I have asked my gracious Father to give me a heart in allthings resigned to the direction of His wisdom; in uttering language like this,the thought of my wearing hats and garments dyed with a dye hurtful to them hasmade lasting impression on me. In visiting people of note in the Society who had slaves, and labouring withthem in brotherly love on that account, I have seen, and the sight has affectedme, that a conformity to some customs distinguishable from pure wisdom hasentangled many, and that the desire of gain to support these customs hasgreatly opposed the work of truth. Sometimes when the prospect of the workbefore me has been such that in bowedness of spirit I have been drawn intoretired places, and have besought the Lord with tears that He would take mewholly under His direction, and show me the way in which I ought to walk, ithath revived with strength of conviction that if I would be His faithfulservant I must in all things attend to His wisdom, and be teachable, and socease from all customs contrary thereto, however used among religious people. As He is the perfection of power, of wisdom, and of goodness, so I believe Hehath provided that so much labour shall be necessary for men's support in this world as would, being rightly divided, be a suitable employment of their time;and that we cannot go into superfluities, or grasp after wealth in a waycontrary to His wisdom, without having connection with some degree ofoppression, and with that spirit which leads to self-exaltation and strife, andwhich frequently brings calamities on countries by parties contending abouttheir claims. Being thus fully convinced, and feeling an increasing desire to live in thespirit of peace, I have often been sorrowfully affected with thinking on theunquiet spirit in which wars are generally carried on, and with the miseries ofmany of my fellow-creatures engaged therein; some suddenly destroyed; somewounded, and after much pain remaining cripples; some deprived of all theiroutward substance and reduced to want; and some carried into captivity. Thinking often on these things, the use of hats and garments dyed with a dyehurtful to them, and wearing more clothes in summer than are useful, grew moreuneasy to me, believing them to be customs which have not their foundation inpure wisdom. The apprehension of being singular from my beloved friends was astrait upon me, and thus I continued in the use of some things contrary to myjudgment. On the 31st of Fifth Month, 1761, I was taken ill of a fever, and after ithad continued near a week, I was in great distress of body. One day there was acry raised in me that I might understand the cause of my affliction, andimprove under it, and my conformity to some customs which I believed were notright was brought to my remembrance. In the continuance of this exercise I feltall the powers in me yield themselves up into the hands of Him who gave mebeing, and was made thankful that He had taken hold of me by His chastisements. Feeling the necessity of further purifying, there was now no desire in me forhealth until the design of my correction was answered. Thus I lay in abasementand brokenness of spirit, and as I felt a sinking down into a calm resignation,so I felt, as in an instant, an inward healing in my nature, and from that timeforward I grew better. Though my mind was thus settled in relation to hurtful dyes, I felt easy towear my garments heretofore made, and continued to do so about nine months. Then I thought of getting a hat the natural colour of the fur, but theapprehension of being looked upon as one affecting singularity felt uneasy tome. Here I had occasion to consider that things, though small in themselves,being clearly enjoined by divine authority, become great things to us; and Itrusted that the Lord would support me in the trials that might attendsingularity, so long as singularity was only for His sake. On this account Iwas under close exercise of mind in the time of our General Spring Meeting,1762, greatly desiring to be rightly directed; when, being deeply bowed in spirit before the Lord, I was made willing to submit to what I apprehended wasrequired of me, and when I returned home got a hat of the natural color of thefur. In attending meetings this singularity was a trial to me, and more especiallyat this time, as white hats were used by some who were fond of following thechangeable modes of dress, and as some Friends who knew not from what motives Iwore it grew shy of me, I felt my way for a time shut up in the exercise of theministry. In this condition, my mind being turned toward my Heavenly Fatherwith fervent cries that I might be preserved to walk before Him in the meeknessof wisdom, my heart was often tender in meetings, and I felt an inwardconsolation which to me was very precious under these difficulties. I had several dyed garments fit for use which I believed it best to wear tillI had occasion for new ones. Some Friends were apprehensive that my wearingsuch a hat savoured of an affected singularity; those who spoke with me in afriendly way I generally informed, in a few words, that I believed my wearingit was not in my own will. I had at times been sensible that a superficialfriendship had been dangerous to me; and many Friends being now uneasy with me,I had an inclination to acquaint some with the manner of my being led intothese things; yet upon a deeper thought I was for a time most easy to omit it,believing the present dispensation was profitable, and trusting that, if I keptmy place, the Lord in his own time would open the hearts of Friends towards me. I have since had cause to admire His goodness and loving-kindness in leadingabout and instructing me, and in opening and enlarging my heart in some of ourmeetings. In the Eleventh Month this year, feeling an engagement of mind to visit somefamilies in Mansfield, I joined my beloved friend Benjamin Jones, and we spenta few days together in that service. In the Second Month, 1763, I joined, incompany with Elizabeth Smith and Mary Noble, in a visit to the families ofFriends at Ancocas. In both these visits, through the baptizing power of truth,the sincere labourers were often comforted, and the hearts of Friends opened toreceive us. In the Fourth Month following, I accompanied some Friends in avisit to the families of Friends in Mount Holly; during this visit my mind wasoften drawn into an inward awfulness, wherein strong desires were raised forthe everlasting welfare of my fellow-creatures, and through the kindness of ourHeavenly Father our hearts were at times enlarged, and Friends were invited inthe flowings of divine love to attend to that which would settle them on thesure foundation. Having for many years felt love in my heart towards the natives of this landwho dwell far back in the wilderness, whose ancestors were formerly the owners and possessors of the land where we dwell, and who for a small considerationassigned their inheritance to us, and being at Philadelphia in the EighthMonth, 1761, on a visit to some Friends who had slaves, I fell in company withsome of those natives who lived on the east branch of the river Susquehanna, atan Indian town called Wehaloosing, two hundred miles from Philadelphia. Inconversation with them by an interpreter, as also by observations on theircountenances and conduct, I believed some of them were measurably acquaintedwith that divine power which subjects the rough and froward will of thecreature. At times I felt inward drawings towards a visit to that place, whichI mentioned to none except my dear wife until it came to some ripeness. In the winter of 1762 I laid my prospects before my friends at our Monthlyand Quarterly, and afterwards at our General Spring Meeting; and having theunity of Friends, and being thoughtful about an Indian pilot, there came a manand three women from a little beyond that town to Philadelphia on business. Being informed thereof by letter, I met them in town in the 5th Month, 1763;and after some conversation, finding they were sober people, I, with theconcurrence of Friends in that place, agreed to join them as companions intheir return, and we appointed to meet at Samuel Foulk's, at Richland, in BucksCounty, on the 7th of Sixth Month. Now, as this visit felt weighty, and wasperformed at a time when travelling appeared perilous, so the dispensations ofdivine Providence in preparing my mind for it have been memorable, and Ibelieve it good for me to give some account thereof. After I had given up to go, the thoughts of the journey were often attendedwith unusual sadness, at which times my heart was frequently turned to the Lordwith inward breathings for His heavenly support, that I might not fail tofollow Him wheresoever He might lead me. Being at our youth's meeting atChesterfield, about a week before the time I expected to set off, I was thereled to speak on that prayer of our Redeemer to the Father: "I pray not thatThou shouldest take them out of the world, but that Thou shouldest keep themfrom the evil." And in attending to the pure openings of truth, I had tomention what He elsewhere said to His Father: "I know that Thou hearest Me atall times;" so, as some of His followers kept their places, and as His prayerwas granted, it followed necessarily that they were kept from evil: and as someof those met with great hardships and afflictions in this world, and at lastsuffered death by cruel men, so it appears that whatsoever befalls men whilethey live in pure obedience to God certainly works for their good, and may notbe considered an evil as it relates to them. As I spake on this subject myheart was much tendered, and great awfulness came over me. On the first day of the week, being at our own afternoon meeting, and myheart being enlarged in love, I was led to speak on the care and protection of the Lord over His people, and to make mention of that passage where a band ofSyrians, who were endeavouring to take captive the prophet, were disappointed;and how the Psalmist said, "The angel of the Lord encampeth round about themthat fear Him." Thus, in true love and tenderness, I parted from Friends,expecting the next morning to proceed on my journey. Being weary I went earlyto bed. After I had been asleep a short time, I was awoke by a man calling atmy door, and inviting me to meet some Friends at a public-house in our town,who came from Philadelphia so late that Friends were generally gone to bed. These Friends informed me that an express had arrived the last morning fromPittsburg, and brought news that the Indians had taken a fort from the Englishwestward, and had slain and scalped some English people near the saidPittsburg, and in divers places. Some elderly Friends in Philadelphia, knowing the time of my intending to setoff, had conferred together, and thought good to inform me of these thingsbefore I left home, that I might consider them and proceed as I believed best. Going to bed again, I told not my wife till morning. My heart was turned to theLord for His heavenly instruction; and it was an humbling time to me. When Itold my dear wife, she appeared to be deeply concerned about it; but in a fewhours' time my mind became settled in a belief that it was my duty to proceedon my journey, and she bore it with a good degree of resignation. In thisconflict of spirit there were great searchings of heart and strong cries to theLord, that no motion might in the least degree be attended to but that of thepure spirit of truth. The subjects before mentioned, on which I had so lately spoken in public,were now fresh before me, and I was brought inwardly to commit myself to theLord, to be disposed of as He saw best. I took leave of my family andneighbours in much bowedness of spirit, and went to our Monthly Meeting atBurlington. After taking leave of Friends there, I crossed the river,accompanied by my friends Israel and John Pemberton; and parting the nextmorning with Israel, John bore me company to Samuel Foulk's, where I met thebefore-mentioned Indians; and we were glad to see each other. Here my friend Benjamin Parvin met me, and proposed joining me as acompanion, -- we had before exchanged some letters on the subject, -- and now Ihad a sharp trial on his account; for, as the journey appeared perilous, Ithought if he went chiefly to bear me company, and we should be taken captive,my having been the means of drawing him into these difficulties would add to myown afflictions; so I told him my mind freely, and let him know that I wasresigned to go alone; but after all, if he really believed it to be his duty togo on, I believed his company would be very comfortable to me. It was, indeed,a time of deep exercise, and Benjamin appeared to be so fastened to the visit that he could not be easy to leave me; so we went on, accompanied by ourfriends John Pemberton and William Lightfoot of Pikeland. We lodged at Bethlehem, and there parting with John, William and we wentforward on the 9th of the Sixth Month, and got lodging on the floor of a house,about five miles from Fort Allen. Here we parted with William, and at thisplace we met with an Indian trader lately come from Wyoming. In conversationwith him, I perceived that many white people often sell rum to the Indians,which I believe is a great evil. In the first place, they are thereby deprivedof the use of reason, and, their spirits being violently agitated, quarrelsoften arise which end in mischief, and the bitterness and resentment occasionedhereby are frequently of long continuance. Again, their skins and furs, gottenthrough much fatigue and hard travels in hunting, with which they intended tobuy clothing, they often sell at a low rate for more rum, when they becomeintoxicated; and afterward, when they suffer for want of the necessaries oflife, are angry with those who, for the sake of gain, took advantage of theirweakness. Their chiefs have often complained of this in their treaties with theEnglish. Where cunning people pass counterfeits and impose on others that whichis good for nothing, it is considered as wickedness; but for the sake of gainto sell that which we know does people harm, and which often works their ruin,manifests a hardened and corrupt heart, and is an evil which demands the careof all true lovers of virtue to suppress. While my mind this evening was thusemployed, I also remembered that the people on the frontiers, among whom thisevil is too common, are often poor; and that they venture to the outside of thecolony in order to live more independently of the wealthy, who often set highrents on their land. I was renewedly confirmed in a belief, that, if all ourinhabitants lived according to sound wisdom, labouring to promote universallove and righteousness, and ceased from every inordinate desire after wealth,and from all customs which are tinctured with luxury, the way would be easy forour inhabitants, though they might be much more numerous than at present, tolive comfortably on honest employments, without the temptation they are sooften under of being drawn into schemes to make settlements on lands which havenot been purchased of the Indians, or of applying to that wicked practice ofselling rum to them. Tenth of Sixth Month. -- We set out early this morning and crossed thewestern branch of Delaware, called the Great Lehie, near Fort Allen. The waterbeing high, we went over in a canoe. Here we met an Indian, had friendlyconversation with him, and gave him some biscuit; and he, having killed a deer,gave some of it to the Indians with us. After travelling some miles, we metseveral Indian men and women with a cow and horse, and some household goods, who were lately come from their dwelling at Wyoming, and were going to settleat another place. We made them some small presents, and, as some of themunderstood English, I told them my motive for coming into their country, withwhich they appeared satisfied. One of our guides talking awhile with an ancientwoman concerning us, the poor old woman came to my companion and me, and tookher leave of us with an appearance of sincere affection. We pitched our tentnear the banks of the same river, having laboured hard in crossing some ofthose mountains called the Blue Ridge. The roughness of the stones and thecavities between them, with the steepness of the hills, made it appeardangerous. But we were preserved in safety, through the kindness of Him whoseworks in these mountainous deserts appeared awful, and towards whom my heartwas turned during this day's travel. Near our tent, on the sides of large trees peeled for that purpose, werevarious representations of men going to and returning from the wars, and ofsome being killed in battle. This was a path heretofore used by warriors, andas I walked about viewing those Indian histories, which were painted mostly inred or black, and thinking on the innumerable afflictions which the proud,fierce spirit produceth in the world, also on the toils and fatigues ofwarriors in travelling over mountains and deserts; on their miseries anddistresses when far from home and wounded by their enemies; of their bruisesand great weariness in chasing one another over the rocks and mountains; of therestless, unquiet state of mind of those who live in this spirit, and of thehatred which mutually grows up in the minds of their children, -- the desire tocherish the spirit of love and peace among these people arose very fresh in me. This was the first night that we lodged in the woods, and being wet withtravelling in the rain, as were also our blankets, the ground, our tent, andthe bushes under which we purposed to lay, all looked discouraging; but Ibelieved that it was the Lord who had thus far brought me forward, and that Hewould dispose of me as He saw good, and so I felt easy. We kindled a fire, withour tent open to it, then laid some bushes next the ground, and put ourblankets upon them for our bed, and, lying down, got some sleep. In themorning, feeling a little unwell, I went into the river; the water was cold,but soon after I felt fresh and well. About eight o'clock we set forward andcrossed a high mountain supposed to be upward of four miles over, the northside being the steepest. About noon we were overtaken by one of the Moravianbrethren going to Wehaloosing, and an Indian man with him who could talkEnglish; and we being together while our horses ate grass had some friendlyconversation; but they, travelling faster than we, soon left us. This Moravian,I understood, has this spring spent some time at Wehaloosing, and was invitedby some of the Indians to come again. Twelfth of Sixth Month being the first of the week and rainy day, wecontinued in our tent, and I was led to think on the nature of the exercisewhich hath attended me. Love was the first motion, and thence a concern aroseto spend some time with the Indians, that I might feel and understand theirlife and the spirit they live in, if haply I might receive some instructionfrom them, or they might be in any degree helped forward by my following theleadings of truth among them; and as it pleased the Lord to make way for mygoing at a time when the troubles of war were increasing, and when, by reasonof much wet weather, travelling was more difficult than usual at that season, Ilooked upon is as a more favourable opportunity to season my mind, and to bringme into a nearer sympathy with them. As mine eye was to the great Father ofMercies, humbly desiring to learn His will concerning me, I was made quiet andcontent. Our guide's horse strayed, though hoppled, in the night, and after searchingsome time for him his footsteps were discovered in the path going back,whereupon my kind companion went off in the rain, and after about seven hoursreturned with him. Here we lodged again, tying up our horses before we went tobed, and loosing them to feed about break of day. Thirteenth of Sixth Month. -- The sun appearing, we set forward, and as Irode over the barren hills my meditations were on the alterations in thecircumstances of the natives of this land since the coming in of the English. The lands near the sea are conveniently situated for fishing; the lands nearthe rivers, where the tides flow, and some above, are in many places fertileand not mountainous, while the changing of the tides makes passing up and downeasy with any kind of traffic. The natives have in some places, for triflingconsiderations, sold their inheritance so favourably situated, and in otherplaces have been driven back by superior force; their way of clothingthemselves is also altered from what it was, and they being far removed from ushave to pass over mountains, swamps, and barren deserts, so that travelling isvery troublesome in bringing their skins and furs to trade with us. By theextension of English settlements, and partly by the increase of Englishhunters, the wild beasts on which the natives chiefly depend for subsistenceare not so plentiful as they were, and people too often, for the sake of gain,induce them to waste their skins and furs in purchasing a liquor which tends tothe ruin of them and their families. My own will and desires were now very much broken, and my heart was with muchearnestness turned to the Lord, to whom alone I looked for help in the dangersbefore me. I had a prospect of the English along the coast for upwards of ninehundred miles where I travelled, and their favourable situation and thedifficulties attending the natives as well as the negroes in many places were open before me. A weighty and heavenly care came over my mind, and love filledmy heart towards all mankind, in which I felt a strong engagement that we mightbe obedient to the Lord while in tender mercy He is yet calling to us, and thatwe might so attend to pure universal righteousness as to give no just cause ofoffence to the Gentiles, who do not profess Christianity, whether they be theblacks from Africa, or the native inhabitants of this continent. Here I was led into a close and labourious inquiry whether I, as anindividual, kept clear from all things which tended to stir up or wereconnected with wars, either in this land or in Africa, my heart was deeplyconcerned that in future I might in all things keep steadily to the pure truth,and live and walk in the plainness and simplicity of a sincere follower ofChrist. In this lonely journey I did greatly bewail the spreading of a wrongspirit, believing that the prosperous, convenient situation of the Englishwould require a constant attention in us to divine love and wisdom, in order totheir being guided and supported in a way answerable to the will of that good,gracious, and Almighty Being, who hath an equal regard to all mankind. And hereluxury and covetousness, with the numerous oppressions and other evilsattending them, appeared very afflicting to me, and I felt in that which isimmutable that the seeds of great calamity and desolation are sown and growingfast on this continent. Nor have I words sufficient to set forth the longing Ithen felt, that we who are placed along the coast, and have tasted the love andgoodness of God, might arise in the strength thereof, and like faithfulmessengers labour to check the growth of these seeds, that they may not ripento the ruin of our posterity. On reaching the Indian settlement at Wyoming, we were told that an Indianrunner had been at that place a day or two before us, and brought news of theIndians having taken an English fort westward, and destroyed the people, andthat they were endeavouring to take another; also, that another Indian runnercame there about the middle of the previous night from a town about ten milesfrom Wehaloosing, and brought the news that some Indian warriors from distantparts came to that town with two English scalps, and told the people that itwas war with the English. Our guides took us to the house of a very ancient man. Soon after we had putin our baggage, there came a man from another Indian house some distance off. Perceiving there was a man near the door I went out; the man had a tomahawkwrapped under his match-coat out of sight. As I approached him he took it inhis hand; I went forward, and, speaking to him in a friendly way, perceived heunderstood some English. My companion joining me, we had some talk with himconcerning the nature of our visit in these parts; he then went into the housewith us, and, talking with our guides, soon appeared friendly, sat down and smoked his pipe. Though taking his hatchet in his hand at the instant I drewnear to him had a disagreeable appearance, I believe he had no other intentthan to be in readiness in case any violence were offered to him. On hearing the news brought by these Indian runners, and being told by theIndians where we lodged that the Indians about Wyoming expected in a few daysto move to some larger towns, I thought, to all outward appearance, it would bedangerous travelling at this time. After a hard day's journey I was broughtinto a painful exercise at night, in which I had to trace back and view thesteps I had taken from my first moving in the visit; and though I had to bewailsome weakness which at times had attended me, yet I could not find that I hadever given way to wilful disobedience. Believing I had, under a sense of duty,come thus far, I was now earnest in spirit, beseeching the Lord to show me whatI ought to do. In this great distress I grew jealous of myself, lest the desireof reputation as a man firmly settled to persevere through dangers, or the fearof disgrace from my returning without performing the visit, might have someplace in me. Full of these thoughts, I lay great part of the night, while mybeloved companion slept by me, till the Lord, my gracious Father, who saw theconflicts of my soul, was pleased to give quietness. Then I was againstrengthened to commit my life, and all things relating thereto, into Hisheavenly hands, and got a little sleep towards day. Fourteenth of Sixth Month. -- We sought out and visited all the Indianshereabouts that we could meet with, in number about twenty. They were chieflyin one place, about a mile from where we lodged. I expressed to them the care Ihad on my mind for their good, and told them that true love had made me willingthus to leave my family to come and see the Indians and speak with them intheir houses. Some of them appeared kind and friendly. After taking leave ofthem, we went up the river Susquehanna about three miles, to the house of anIndian called Jacob January. He had killed his hog, and the women were makingstore of bread and preparing to move up the river. Here our pilots had lefttheir canoe when they came down in the spring, and lying dry it had becomeleaky. This detained us some hours, so that we had a good deal of friendlyconversation with the family; and, eating dinner with them, we made them somesmall presents. Then putting our baggage into the canoe, some of them pushedslowly up the stream, and the rest of us rode our horses. We swam them over acreek called Lahawahamunk, and pitched our tent above it in the evening. In asense of God's goodness in helping me in my distress, sustaining me undertrials, and inclining my heart to trust in Him, I lay down in an humble, bowedframe of mind, and had a comfortable night's lodging. Fifteenth of Sixth Month. -- We proceeded forward till the afternoon, when, astorm appearing, we met our canoe at an appointed place and stayed all night, the rain continuing so heavy that it beat through our tent and wet both us andour baggage. The next day we found abundance of trees blown down by the stormyesterday, and had occasion reverently to consider the kind dealings of theLord who provided a safe place for us in a valley while this storm continued. We were much hindered by the trees which had fallen across our path, and insome swamps our way was so stopped that we got through with extreme difficulty. I had this day often to consider myself as a sojourner in this world. A beliefin the all-sufficiency of God to support His people in their pilgrimage feltcomfortable to me, and I was industriously employed to get to a state ofperfect resignation. We seldom saw our canoe but at appointed places, by reason of the path goingoff from the river. This afternoon, Job Chilaway, an Indian from Wehaloosing,who talks good English and is acquainted with several people in and aboutPhiladelphia, met our people on the river. Understanding where we expected tolodge, he pushed back about six miles, and came to us after night; and in awhile our own canoe arrived, it being hard work pushing up the stream. Job toldus that an Indian came in haste to their town yesterday and told them thatthree warriors from a distance lodged in a town above Wehaloosing a few nightspast, and that these three men were going against the English at Juniata. Jobwas going down the river to the province-store at Shamokin. Though I was so farfavoured with health as to continue travelling, yet, through the variousdifficulties in our journey, and the different way of living from which I hadbeen used to, I grew sick. The news of these warriors being on their march sonear us, and not knowing whether we might not fall in with them, was a freshtrial of my faith; and though, through the strength of divine love, I hadseveral times been enabled to commit myself to the divine disposal, I stillfound the want of a renewal of my strength, that I might be able to perseveretherein; and my cries for help were put up to the Lord, who, in great mercy,gave me a resigned heart, in which I found quietness. Parting from Job Chilaway on the 17th, we went on and reached Wehaloosingabout the middle of the afternoon. The first Indian that we saw was a woman ofa modest countenance, with a Bible, who spake first to our guide, and then withan harmonious voice expressed her gladness at seeing us, having before heard ofour coming. By the direction of our guide we sat down on a log, while he wentto the town to tell the people we were come. My companion and I, sitting thustogether in a deep inward stillness, the poor woman came and sat near us; and,great awfulness coming over us, we rejoiced in a sense of God's love manifestedto our poor souls. After a while we heard a conch-shell blow several times, andthen came John Curtis and another Indian man, who kindly invited us into ahouse near the town, where we found about sixty people sitting in silence. After sitting with them a short time I stood up, and in some tenderness of spirit acquainted them, in a few short sentences, with the nature of my visit,and that a concern for their good had made me willing to come thus far to seethem; which, some of them understanding, interpreted to the others, and thereappeared gladness among them. I then showed them my certificate, which wasexplained to them; and the Moravian who overtook us on the way, being now here,bade me welcome. But the Indians knowing that this Moravian and I were of different religioussocieties, and as some of their people had encouraged him to come and stayawhile with them, they were, I believe, concerned that there might be nojarring or discord in their meetings; and having, I suppose, conferredtogether, they acquainted me that the people, at my request, would at any timecome together and hold meetings. They also told me that they expected theMoravian would speak in their settled meetings, which are commonly held in themorning and near evening. So finding liberty in my heart to speak to theMoravian, I told him of the care I felt on my mind for the good of thesepeople, and my belief that no ill effects would follow if I sometimes spake intheir meetings when love engaged me thereto, without calling them together attimes when they did not meet of course. He expressed his good-will towards myspeaking at any time all that I found in my heart to say. On the evening of the 18th I was at their meeting, where pure gospel love wasfelt, to the tendering of some of our hearts. The interpreters endeavoured toacquaint the people with what I said, in short sentences, but found somedifficulty, as none of them were quite perfect in the English and Delawaretongues, so they helped one another, and we laboured along, divine loveattending. Afterwards, feeling my mind covered with the spirit of prayer, Itold the interpreters that I found it in my heart to pray to God, and believed,if I prayed aright He would hear me; and I expressed my willingness for them toomit interpreting; so our meeting ended with a degree of divine love. Beforethe people went out, I observed Papunehang (the man who had been zealous inlabouring for a reformation in that town, being then very tender) speaking toone of the interpreters, and I was afterwards told that he said in substance asfollows: -- "I love to feel where words come from."Nineteenth of Sixth Month and first of the week. -- This morning the Indianwho came with the Moravian, being also a member of that society, prayed in themeeting, and then the Moravian spake a short time to the people. In theafternoon, my heart being filled with a heavenly care for their good, I spaketo them awhile by interpreters; but none of them being perfect in the work, andI feeling the current of love run strong, told the interpreters that I believedsome of the people would understand me, and so I proceeded without them; and Ibelieve the Holy Ghost wrought on some hearts to edification where all the words were not understood. I looked upon it as a time of divine favour, and myheart was tendered and truly thankful before the Lord. After I sat down, one ofthe interpreters seemed spirited to give the Indians the substance of what Isaid. Before our first meeting this morning, I was led to meditate on the manifolddifficulties of these Indians who, by the permission of the Six Nations, dwellin these parts. A near sympathy with them was raised in me, and, my heart beingenlarged in the love of Christ, I thought that the affectionate care of a goodman for his only brother in affliction does not exceed what I then felt forthat people. I came to this place through much trouble; and though through themercies of God I believed that if I died in the journey it would be well withme, yet the thoughts of falling into the hands of Indian warriors were, intimes of weakness, afflicting to me; and being of a tender constitution ofbody, the thoughts of captivity among them were also grievous; supposing thatas they were strong and hardy they might demand service of me beyond what Icould well bear. But the Lord alone was my keeper, and I believed that if Iwent into captivity it would be for some good end. Thus, from time to time, mymind was centred in resignation, in which I always found quietness. And thisday, though I had the same dangerous wilderness between me and home, I wasinwardly joyful that the Lord had strengthened me to come on this visit, andhad manifested a fatherly care over me in my poor lowly condition, when in mineown eyes I appeared inferior to many among the Indians. When the last-mentioned meeting was ended, it being night, Papunehang went tobed; and hearing him speak with an harmonious voice, I suppose for a minute ortwo, I asked the interpreter, who told me that he was expressing histhankfulness to God for the favours he had received that day, and prayed thatHe would continue to favour him with the same, which he had experienced in thatmeeting. Though Papunehang had before agreed to receive the Moravian and joinwith them, he still appeared kind and loving to us. I was at two meetings on the 20th, and silent in them. The following morning,in meeting, my heart was enlarged in pure love among them, and in short plainsentences I expressed several things that rested upon me, which one of theinterpreters gave the people pretty readily. The meeting ended in supplication,and I had cause humbly to acknowledge the loving-kindness of the Lord towardsus; and then I believed that a door remained open for the faithful disciples ofJesus Christ to labour among these people. And now, feeling my mind at libertyto return, I took my leave of them in general at the conclusion of what I saidin meeting, and we then prepared to go homeward. But some of their most activemen told us that, when we were ready to move the people would choose to comeand shake hands with us. Those who usually came to meeting did so; and from a secret draught in my mind I went among some who did not usually go to meeting,and took my leave of them also. The Moravian and his Indian interpreterappeared respectful to us at parting. This town, Wehaloosing, stands on thebank of the Susquehanna, and consists, I believe, of about forty houses, mostlycompact together, some about thirty feet long and eighteen wide -- some bigger,some less. They are built mostly of split plank, one end being set in theground, and the other pinned to a plate on which rafters are laid, and thencovered with bark. I understand a great flood last winter overflowed thegreater part of the ground where the town stands, and some were now aboutmoving their houses to higher ground. We expected only two Indians to be of our company, but when we were ready togo we found many of them were going to Bethlehem with skins and furs, and choseto go in company with us. So they loaded two canoes, in which they desired usto go, telling us that the waters were so raised with the rains that the horsesshould be taken by such as were better acquainted with the fording-places. We,therefore, with several Indians, went in the canoes, and others went on horses,there being seven besides ours. We met with the horsemen once on the way byappointment, and at night we lodged a little below a branch called Tankhannah,and some of the young men, going out a little before dusk with their guns,brought in a deer. Through diligence we reached Wyoming before night, the 22d, and understoodthat the Indians were mostly gone from this place. We went up a small creekinto the woods with our canoes, and, pitching our tent, carried out ourbaggage, and before dark our horses came to us. Next morning, the horses beingloaded and our baggage prepared, we set forward, being in all fourteen, andwith diligent travelling were favoured to get near half-way to Fort Allen. Theland on this road from Wyoming to our frontier being mostly poor, and goodgrass being scarce, the Indians chose a piece of low ground to lodge on, as thebest for grazing. I had sweat much in travelling, and, being weary, sleptsoundly. In the night I perceived that I had taken cold, of which I wasfavoured soon to get better. Twenty-fourth of Sixth Month. -- This day we passed Fort Allen and lodgednear it in the woods. We forded the westerly branch of the Delaware threetimes, which was a shorter way than going over the top of the Blue Mountainscalled the Second Ridge. In the second time of fording where the river cutsthrough the mountain, the waters being rapid and pretty deep, my companion'smare, being a tall, tractable animal, was sundry times driven back through theriver, being laden with the burdens of some small horses which were thoughtunable to come through with their loads. The troubles eastward, and thedifficulty for Indians to pass through our frontier, I apprehend, were one reason why so many came, expecting that our being in company would prevent theoutside inhabitants being surprised. We reached Bethlehem on the 25th, takingcare to keep foremost, and to acquaint people on and near the road who theseIndians were. This we found very needful, for the frontier inhabitants wereoften alarmed at the report of the English being killed by Indians westward. Among our company were some whom I did not remember to have seen at meeting,and some of these at first were very reserved; but we being several daystogether, and behaving in a friendly manner towards them, and making themsuitable return for the services they did us, they became more free andsociable. Twenty-sixth of Sixth Month. -- Having carefully endeavoured to settle allaffairs with the Indians relative to our journey, we took leave of them, and Ithought they generally parted from us affectionately. We went forward toRichland and had a very comfortable meeting among our friends, it being thefirst day of the week. Here I parted with my kind friend and companion BenjaminParvin, and accompanied by my friend Samuel Foulk, we rode to JohnCadwallader's, from whence I reached home the next day, and found my familytolerably well. They and my friends appeared glad to see me return from ajourney which they apprehended would be dangerous; but my mind, while I wasout, had been so employed in striving for perfect resignation, and had so oftenbeen confirmed in a belief that, whatever the Lord might be pleased to allotfor me, it would work for good, that I was careful lest I should admit anydegree of selfishness in being glad overmuch, and laboured to improve by thosetrials in such a manner as my gracious Father and Protector designed. Between the English settlements and Wehaloosing we had only a narrow path,which in many places is much grown up with bushes, and interrupted by abundanceof trees lying across it. These, together with the mountain swamps and roughstones, make it a difficult road to travel, and the more so becauserattlesnakes abound here, of which we killed four. People who have never beenin such places have but an imperfect idea of them; and I was not only taughtpatience, but also made thankful to God, who thus led about and instructed me,that I might have a quick and lively feeling of the afflictions of my fellow-creatures, whose situation in life is difficult. 最 近以来,心中意向着访问宾夕尼亚的几个聚会处,极盼能得到启示,俾悉何时动身为最适宜。一七六一年五月十号星期日,我往参加哈敦菲得聚会,心中寻求神的指 示,究竟应当继续前行呢,还是应当返家。由于纯洁之爱的涌流,我觉得心受鼓励,可以前行,于是渡河到了对岸。这次的访问我参加了两个季会和三个月会。在真 理的爱中我觉得机会之门已开,使我得以和畜奴的朋友们讨论这一问题。我既蒙教导知道依靠真理,并履行所付托给我的任务,乃时时感觉到内心平安,并对主存感 恩之心,因祂乐意作为我的向导。 一七六一年八月,我心中意向着前往访问士鲁兹巴立附近的朋友们,去了之后,曾参加他们星期日的聚会和月会,也分别参加在司冠安及司冠安关的聚会,并有机会在主爱中和一些畜奴朋友谈论奴隶问题,然后平安地回家,心中称颂主的良善。 为着年来对黑奴问题的关心,我写了“论畜奴”的第二部分,于一七六二年出版。当出版部负责人检阅稿件之后,他们建议以年会存款印出若干册分发,但我宁愿自己出资印书,并说明我的理由,他们似乎颇能谅解。 年 会款项乃会友所认捐,而捐钱的人当中有不少是畜奴的,那些决意继续畜奴的人当然不愿见这类书籍的传布,尤其不愿意用他们所捐的钱来出版这类书籍。奴隶当中 已有不少能阅读的,他们获得这类赠送的书籍往往秘藏起来。但是凡购买此书的人大抵是要阅读的,所以我愿意廉价出售,希望他们小心阅读。这书的广告业经出版 部负责人通过,将于我们年会中讨论会务的月会宣读,让人家知道什么地方可以购买此书,而售价只合印刷及装订的成本而已。我们附近一带售出颇多,另一部分则 寄往纽约及新埠给相识的人,还有一些我自己保存,准备于需要时分发。 我 年轻时颇习惯于体力劳动的工作,可是我的体质不像一些别人那么耐劳,虽然我的健康也算中等。既然在操作中常觉疲乏,所以我颇能同情那些因境遇关系,必须不 断劳作以应付债主要求,和那些因自愿而处于某种重压之下的人,他们虽身体不胜支持,却正如我以往在操劳过度所感受的一样,为了生活欲求而勉强劳动。我常寻 思世界为什么会有这种加在许多人身上的重压。记得当我在农场上工作的后半期,由于神爱常临,我心常存柔和,并不时以空暇时间阅读关于救主的生平及其教训, 关于殉道者所遭受的苦难,和本会早期历史一类的书,逐渐地我心中确信,如果那些大地主能够过一种平凡朴素而合于基督徒身份的生活,对于自己的田地财产不求 索取重利,并因此善用物资,那么必将有许多人被雇从事于有益的工作,人与其他动物的劳动也必不至于过分劳苦;许多种为满足人的意欲,对于富有者似乎必需的 生意,在纯智之下,也可以无须继续。当我思想这些事时,良心每受诘问:究竟我自己在生活上各方面对于物的应用是否符合普遍的正义原则?因此有一种愁闷感觉 涌上心头,因为在生活上我亦习惯于应用一些东西,是超出神智所愿意我们应用的。 从 早期和真理的接触中,我常觉一种内在的忧伤,是由于心中那与属天教训相敌对之灵所引起的;这时候我又因自己的邪恶忧伤,在悲愁中深觉需要神的帮助,带领我 的灵魂进入真的自由。有时我退到僻静地方,祷告之灵临近了我,我恳求赐恩典的父给我一颗在凡事上都能顺服祂智慧之所指示的心。说出了这样的话,就叫我想起 我所带的帽子和所穿的衣料,曾染上使材料容易损坏的颜色,心中颇觉不安。 在 访问团体中某些著名会友之畜奴者,并和他们在友爱中讨论这问题时,我发现了某些与纯智不相符合的风尚在束缚着许多人,这种情形使我颇为震惊。而那种企图获 取更多财富来支持这些风尚的欲望实与真理的工作大相违背。有时候为了前面的这种工作环境,我精神沮丧,退到僻静地方流泪祷告,求主把我安置于祂带领之下, 指示我所当走的方向,这样祂就提醒我,使我确信若想做祂忠诚的仆人,即须在一切事上尊重祂的智慧,虚心受教;并且放弃一切与祂智慧相违背的习尚,不管这些 习尚在其他信徒当中如何地盛行。 祂 既然是全能全智和全善,我相信祂曾指定人必须以若干劳动来换取今生所需要的,若能善于分配,则时间必够应用。只是我们不可追求奢侈,或违背了祂的智慧去追 逐财富,若如此,不免要沾染了那种压迫别人的作风,且导向于好大喜功,善于争闹的境地,这样,不同党派都要求特殊权利,国家遂常陷入于灾难中。 我 既深信这一点,并愿望和平的生活,故每想起制造战争的骚扰之灵,和许多同类因战争所遭受的悲惨灾难——有的突然死亡;有的身受伤痛之苦,成为残废;有的丧 失一切养生之资,陷于穷困;有的则被俘虏——即觉心中无限忧伤。又想到我在穿带染上容易损坏布料之颜色的衣帽,且在夏天穿上多过于所需的衣服,心中亦殊不 安,认为这些都是和纯智不相符合的风尚。可是想到不如此就得和亲爱的朋友们有所不同,又觉得不好意思,于是我继续使用某些不合自己判断的东西。 一 七六一年五月卅一日我忽得热病,缠绵床笫约一星期,身体颇觉痛苦。有一天我心中有了一个呼声,要我明白为什么我得遭受这种痛苦,并当如何获取教训,我立刻 想起我还在守着一些我所认为不对的习俗。当这种感觉在心中继续的时候,我觉得在我里面的一切力量都屈服于那赐给我生命的神手中,感谢祂以祂的惩罚抓住了 我,并觉得自己需要更进一步的洁净。现在我不急求健康的恢复,倒盼望先实现对我的改造。这样我处在谦卑忧伤中,逐渐进入于安静顺服的境界,并立刻觉得内在 本性之得到医治,从此日就康复。 虽 然我定意不再购买染上有害颜色的衣料,但对前此所制衣服仍旧穿用,继续约九个月之久。这时我又想找一块天然色的皮料来制帽子,但想到必将被讥评为奇服异 装,心中即觉不安。这时候使我有了机会思想某些事情的本身虽小,但当我们知道那是神所吩咐的,就成为大事了。同时相信主必帮助我胜过所谓标新立异之讥,因 为这是为了祂而行的。这事叫我在一七六二年春季大会举行之时心情十分紧张,极盼获得正确的指示;正当我所敬爱的一位朋友在祷告之时,我灵在主前谦恭顺服, 愿意服从那我所了解为祂所要求于我的,并定意,如果我安全回到家里,我必雇人以天然色皮料为我制作一只帽子;结果都实行了。 当 我参加公共聚会之时,这所谓“新奇”遂成为我的试炼,尤其在这时候白色帽子是那些讲究时装服式的人所喜欢戴的,那些不明白我动机的朋友们因此逐渐对我不 满,使我觉得工作之门一时关闭起来。在这种情形下我就迫切向天父呼求,恳请祂使我以智慧所具有的谦卑行走在祂面前,这样在聚会中我常觉满有爱心,同时觉得 有一种内在的安慰,这种安慰对于处困难中的我是非常宝贵的。 我 有几件染了颜色的衣服还颇可穿,我想最好穿到有新衣服代替的时候。有些朋友以为我戴这种帽子不过是故作新奇;那些以友善态度向我提起这事的人我就略加解 释,告诉他们我戴这种帽子并非出于自己意思。有时我觉得那种情面友谊对我是危险的;现在许多朋友对我都觉不满,我想这是神对我的慈爱。我原存意要对一些好 友说明我这样做的理由,可是详细考虑之后又认为不必,相信目前误会乃神意所定,对我是有益的,并相信只要我站定立场,主在祂的时候必为我开启朋友们的心。 从那时以后我更知道仰望主的良善及慈爱,祂在我们的一些聚会中带领引导我,并叫我的爱心增加。 一 七六二年十一月间,我心中盼望能往曼士菲得访问一些家庭,于是和好友钟士结伴,同作数日访问。一七六三年二月又与史密斯女士及从柏林敦来的诺波夫人同行访 问安柯卡司朋友们的家庭。在上述两次访问中,由于真理洗涤的能力,朋友们敞开心怀接待我们,使忠诚的工人常得鼓舞。四月间我又和另一些朋友同往访问贺里山 朋友们的家庭,这一次访问我内心常觉难过,有一种强烈欲望,要为同胞谋永久福利,由于天父的仁慈,我们爱心大增,在神爱涌流中,邀请朋友们注意那将要把他 们安置于可靠基石上的事。 多 年来我觉得对那些住在荒林中的土人有着爱心,他们的祖先原是我们现在所居住这土地的主人,而他们把所承继的产业廉价地卖给我们。一七六一年八月我正在费城 访问一些畜奴的朋友,遇见了一些居住在离开费城约莫二百里之遥,名叫威哈鲁申的一个印第安市镇的土人,这市镇在萨斯刻罕那河东岸。藉着一位翻译之助,我和 他们谈话,同时观察他们的外表及举动,相信他们当中有些人颇为熟悉那支配人的强悍不逊之意志的神圣能力。我内心时常觉得愿意到他们所住地方访问,这种意念 除了我亲爱的妻之外,我不曾告诉别人,到了时机少为成熟之后始行提出。一七六二年冬,我把这点意思向本月会及季会提出,以后又向春季大会提出;朋友们都同 意我的建议。正在考虑物色一印第安向导时,我们听说有一男人和三个女人从距离那市镇不远地方,因事到费城来,我以书面通知他们后,即于一七六三年五月某日 在城里和他们见面,接谈之后,觉得他们都是良善的人,且又得到当地朋友们的同意,于是和他们约定于六月七日至巴京士郡里士兰地方傅克君家取齐。这次的访问 我觉得是一件非常困难的事,尤其在这时候,旅行确甚危险,因此神特别恩待,准备我的肩负这使命的心,我认为把这件事略加叙述是有益的。 我 在决定前往之后,每当想起旅行问题即觉愁烦;这时候我心常仰望主,求祂扶助,使我愿意到祂要带领我去的无论什么地方。在准备出发的前一星期,我在撒斯特菲 得的青年聚会上讲论救主向父的祷告:“我不求你叫他们离开世界,只求你保守他们脱离那恶者。”在述说真理的纯真启示之时,我提起祂在另一地方向父说:“我 知道你常听我。”既然那些跟从祂的人有的能守住他们的岗位,而祂也使他们的祷告实现了,可见他们确能脱离那恶者。他们当中有些在世上遇到困苦灾难,且死在 残暴者手中,可是我们知道人只要顺服上帝,则他们所遭遇的一切都是于他们有益的,所以不能算是邪恶。当我讲论这题目时,心中充满仁爱和对神的畏惧。第二周 的星期日刚好是我们的午后聚会,我心在爱中受鼓舞,开口讲论主对祂子民的看顾保护,并引述亚述人企图俘获先知而未能达到目的的故事,正如诗篇作者所说 的,“耶和华的使者在敬畏祂的人四围安营。”这样在爱和柔和中我与朋友们道别,准备第二天早晨动身,当天已觉疲乏,乃提早就寝。睡了一会之后有人来在门口 把我喊醒,约我到镇上某旅店会见从费城来的几位朋友,他们因来到的时间太晚,本地朋友们大都睡了。这几位朋友告诉我昨晨有专差从毕茨堡抵达,消息传来,说 是印第安人在西部占领了英国人的一个堡垒,并杀害了毕茨堡附近和其他好些地方的英国人。在费城的一些前辈朋友知道了我动身的时间,商议结果,认为应该让我 在出发之前知道这些情形,好考虑我的行止。听完这些话后我再回家睡觉,到隔天早晨才告诉我的妻。这时候我心仰望主的指示,在祂面前谦虚等待。当我告诉妻这 消息时,她显得非常挂心。过了几个钟头我心即觉安定,相信我的责任乃是依照原来计划出发,她亦表示愿意顺服。在这心灵的矛盾中,我曾深刻检讨自己并向主呼 求,使我专按照真理纯洁之灵的引导,不至于受任何其他动机的影响。 上 面所提起我最近在公共聚会讲论过的题目此时都呈现在我眼前,我被感动把自己付托给主,由主依照祂所看为善的支配我。于是我在谦虚中向家人及邻居告别,先到 了我们在柏林敦的月会,向那边的朋友告别后,即由友人以色列及约翰宾莫敦陪伴渡河,第二早晨和以色列分手,约翰仍陪伴我到传克的家,在这里与从前约好了的 那几位印第安人相会,彼此均甚愉快。朋友派敏君亦在这里相见,且建议伴我同往(过去我们之间曾为这事通讯讨论过),这于我是一个严重试炼,因为此行确甚危 险,而他之愿意同行若为的要陪伴我,万一我们被俘,我必因连累朋友遭殃而更为悲伤。于是把这意思坦白地告诉他,并表示我宁愿独自前往,但若他真的相信他应 该同往,那么我的旅途必更舒服。这真是一个令人感动的时辰,派敏君对这次的访问旅行似乎已有了决心,所以不愿离我而去;于是我们向前进发,另有朋友约翰宾 莫敦和毕奇兰的莱特佛得君同行。我们先投宿于伯利恒地方,在这里和约翰分手,莱特佛得和我们于六月九日继续前进,当夜宿于离亚兰堡约五里一个屋子的地板 上,在这里又和莱特佛得分手,同时遇见了一个最近从歪俄明来的印第安商人;和他谈话之后,才知道许多白人常常拿酒类卖给印第安人,我想这确是一种严重的邪 恶。第一喝酒使他们神志不清,凶悍好斗,纠纷由是产生,造成许多不幸,而所引起的仇恨往往继续不衰。再者他们经历无限辛苦所猎获的皮货原是要换取衣料的, 但因酒醉的缘故,往往贱价售出,以换取更多酒类;到了他们缺乏生活上必需品之时,他们就怨恨那些利用他们弱点,乘机敲榨他们的人。他们的酋长在和英国人交 涉中往往对此发出不平的话。若有狡诈之徒向人使用毫无价值的假通货,这已经是非常欠德了,何况为着牟利的缘故,把对人有害的东西卖给他们,真是表现了顽硬 腐败的心肠,为一切爱好德行者所应当纠正的邪恶行为。当夜我为了这事心中难过,同时又想起那些住在边区的穷人,他们为了逃避地主的剥削,冒险来到这移民地 区,追求一种比较自主的生活,却亦受同样祸害。这种情形使我更加相信,如果我们的移民都能够依照纯智慧所教导的来生活,努力地促进普爱与公义,对财富和各 种奢侈习俗不存过份愿望,那么我们的生活必较容易,甚至人数比现在所有更多,也可以依靠有价值工作,获得舒适生活,不必常受诱惑,企图以不诚实方法向印第 安人购买土地,或将酒类售卖给他们。 六 月十日,我们一早出发,渡过了德拉瓦河的西支流,靠近西兰堡,叫做大李海的水域。河水颇深,我们以独木舟渡过。在这里见到了一个印第安人,我们同他谈话, 送给他一些饼干;他刚好猎获一头野鹿,也送给和我们同行的印第安人一些鹿肉。继续前行数里,又遇见几个印第安人,男女都有,带着一头牛和一头马,另有一些 家用东西;这一行人是最近从歪俄明来,拟移居新地方的。我们也送给他们一点小礼物。他们当中有些人懂得英语,我就告诉他们我到此地来的目的,他们听了表示 满意。我们的一个向导他们当中的一个年老妇人说了关于我们的事,这老妇人上前和我们道别,似乎充满着诚恳的感情。再向前行,辛苦地爬过了这几个名叫青岭的 山头后,我们就在河岸旁边张开布幕休息。这些山岭怪石嶙峋,崎岖难行,且极危险。然而由于主的慈爱,我们得以安全经过;主在这山岭荒野上的工作是可敬畏 的,在旅行中我心整天仰望着祂。 在 我们的营幕旁边,有一些大树被剥掉了树皮,刻上了各种不同图案,纪念某些在战场上立功或阵亡的英雄们。这是一条武士们走的通路,当我走了过去,观看这些印 第安人的史迹——多数是以红白色颜料绘成的图画——不禁想起这世上的骄傲暴烈所产生出来的许多悲惨事件,想在武士们历尽辛苦疲劳地爬山越岭;在远离家乡的 地方为敌人击伤时的痛苦情况,拖着负伤疲乏的身体彼此追逐;以及他们在这种好战情欲下心境的动荡不安,并在子孙当中种下了仇恨根苗,使民族族间战祸连绵等事实——这一切更增加我愿意努力在他们中间,散播和平友爱之种子的决心。我们第一夜在林中露宿的情形颇为恶劣:在旅途中我们已是衣履尽湿,现在我们张幕的泥地也都是水,用来敷在毛毡下的狐尾草也都湿了,一切似乎都叫人沮丧;然而我相信是主带领我到这里来的,祂必依照祂所认为善的待我,因此我心中平安。我们生了火,使热气进入帐幕,拿狐尾草敷在地上,然后展开毛毡,躺下睡觉。翌晨觉得不大舒服,下到河里游泳,水很冷,起来后觉得舒适多了。六月十一日晨,地上的草还很潮湿,我们留在帐幕中到了八点左右,然后出发,爬过一个高约四里的高山,山的北面最为峭陡。我们又涉过了两处沼泽,整天下雨,傍晚才止,我们仍张开布幕休息。那天中午时分有一个往威哈罗星去的摩拉维兄弟赶上了我们,他由一个能说英语的印第安人陪伴着,我们利用马匹吃草料的时间有了友善的交谈,他们走得比我们快,所以不久就离开我们先行。我知道这摩拉维兄弟春天曾在威哈罗星逗留一些时候,有些印第安人邀约他再度访问该地。 六月十二日星期日,天雨,我们仍留在帐幕中,默想此行的意义。我的第一动机是出乎爱心,盼望能和印第安人同在一起住些时候,或者因此能了解他们的生活方式及精神,从而获得一些教益;或者他们将因为我在他们当中顺从真理的领导而得到某些益助。还有主既然选择这战乱时期领我出来,又遇雨湿天气,旅行更增困难,我相信在这种情形下更能增加我对他们的同情心。我的眼睛既仰望着慈悲的天父,谦恭地盼望知道祂在我身上的旨意,因此心中平静满足。 我们向导的马匹夜间没有栓好,给跑掉了,我们骑马去找,发现那匹马的蹄迹是往来路回去的,我的同伴在雨中赶回寻找,约七小时后才把它找了回来。于是又在林中宿夜,睡前把马匹都栓好了,天快亮的时候才解开它们,让它们吃草料。 六月十三日天晴,我们继续前行,当经过那荒芜山区之时我心中在默想自英人来至此邦后土人生活情况的改变。沿海一带土地便于渔业,靠近河流的土地则多肥沃,且潮水起落,很少山岭障碍,交通称便。有些地方的土人把这美好土地便宜地售给白人,有的则被优越的武力逐出。他们的衣着也与前大不相同;他们既离开我们颇远,必须经过沼泽,沙漠那些行旅艰难的地区,把他们的皮货带来售卖。由于英国移民的扩充,同时由于英国猎户数目的增加,土人所赖以谋生的野兽也就不如从前的多;而且有人为了自己的利得,引诱他们贱价出售皮货,以换取酒类,叫他们走上毁灭自己和毁灭家庭的道路。 这时候我自己的意志和愿望都粉碎了,我的心恳切地转向于主,在目前的危险中只仰望祂的帮助。在旅行中我观察到英国人聚居于沿海一带约九百里地区;他们所占有的优越地位,和土人以及在我们当中的奴隶们的可怜处境,种种情形,都排在我眼前。一种沉重的和属灵的关怀降临于我,我心中充满着对全人类的爱,觉得当主还向我们施赐怜恤之时,我们应当忠诚于祂,遵行普遍公义,即对非属基督教的外邦人,不管是从非洲来的黑人,或本土的印第安人,都不可加以欺侮。这时候我被提醒严密省察自己,究竟我个人对于一切煽动纷扰或制造战争之事,不管是在本土或在非洲,是否完全无份;并立志从此以后凡事必谨守真理的教训,行事为人符合于真基督徒简单朴素的样式。在这一次寂寞的旅行中,我常常想到那种谬误风气的流行,心中极为悲伤。英国人既处在繁荣及优越的地位上,应当始终遵照神的慈爱及智慧,作为行事的指针,庶几不辜负那以平等对待全人类的良善,慈爱及全能之神的美意。可是他们奢侈贪婪,邪恶暴行,令人伤心。我心中深觉大灾难和毁灭的种子已在本土散播滋长,因此以不可言喻的忧伤之心盼望我们这些居住于沿海一带,尝试到上帝的慈爱良善的人,能够倚靠祂的力量奋起作忠心的使者,努力遏止这种种子的滋长,叫它们不至于成熟到把我们的子孙都毁灭了。 抵达歪俄明印第安人住区之后,听说一两天前有一个印第安传讯人带来消息,报告西部印第安人占领英人堡垒,杀伤人民,并图攻占另一堡垒的事。又在我们抵此的前夜,夜半时候另一印第安传讯人从距离威哈罗星约十里的某镇前来,报告有些印第安武士从远地抵达,携带两个英人首级,并宣布与英国人的战斗正在进行中。 我们的向导带我们往见一个年纪很大的人。我们刚把行李卸下,另一印第安人从相当距离的另一家来。知道有人走近门口我就出去;那人有一把斧子,藏在里衣看不见的地方;我走近他时他就抽了出来,拿在手里;我仍然上前,以友善态度同他说话,相信他懂得一点英语。这时候我的同伴出来,我们就同他谈起来此访问的目的;于是他和我们一同走进屋里,与我们的向导谈了些话,立即表示温和态度,坐下吸烟。虽然我靠近他时他把斧子拿在手中,样子颇不自然,但我相信他的用意只在防备意外的攻击。 听见了那印第安报讯者传来的消息,并知道歪俄明的印第安人日内即将移居到较大市镇上去,我想从表面情形看,此时旅行确是很危险的。一天辛苦旅行之后,夜间我内心颇觉痛苦,回想当初怎样开始进行这一次的访问工作;虽然我为了自己偶然的软弱忧伤,可是我找不出有故意违背神旨的事。既已明白我来此是负有使命的,乃觉心灵迫切,求主指示我所当行的。在这严重痛苦中,我很担忧自己是为了名誉,要人家相信我是一个能冒艰险的坚毅人物,还是为了恐怕此行徒劳无功,面上没有光采。这样整夜反复思想(我的同伴睡在我旁边),直到恩慈的父看见了我内心的矛盾,赐给我安静的心。于是我重新得到奉献生命的力量,并把一切有关各事都付托在祂手中,然后安眠到天亮。 清早起来(今天是六月十四日),出发访问所有住在附近可以见面的印第安人,他们多半住在离开我们所住约一里之遥的地方,人数约二十人。我向他们表达善意,并告诉他们是那真爱心使我愿意离开自己的家,来到他们的地方访问,和他们谈话。他们当中有些人懂得英语,态度颇为友善。辞别了这些印第安人后,我们溯萨斯刻罕那河而上约三里,到了一个名叫正月雅各的印第安人的家。他刚宰了他的猪,而女人们正在收藏食物,准备向河岸上游移动。我们的向导前次从上游下来时把他们的独木舟留在这里,因干燥而有了裂孔。为此我们逗留此地好几个钟头,有了机会和这一家人长谈;又和他们同吃中饭,赠送他们一点小礼物。这以后我们把行李放在舟上,有些人慢慢地把舟子向上流推,其他的人则乘马。我们让马匹游过一个名叫拉哈瓦哈妙克的河湾,拣一片比较高的野地张幕,夜间有了阵雨。上帝在我处患难中时帮助我,在试炼中扶持我,叫我的心信赖于祂,祂如此良善,使我在祂面前谦恭低头;当夜有了舒适的休息。 六月十五日,我们继续前行,下午遇到风暴。我们的独木舟在指定地点等着我们,我们就留此过夜,大雨继续不停地下,水冲过帐幕,人和行李都湿透了。第二天我们在路上发现前夜风雨吹倒了许多树木,叫我们想起主的恩眷,暴风雨袭击下为我们在山谷中安排稳妥地方。一路上我们常为倒塌的树木所阻,经过沼泽地带更觉困难。这一天我不时想到自己是世上的旅人。只因相信上帝必扶持祂子民经过今世的日子,心中殊觉安慰,深盼能够达到那完全信靠的境界。 我们只在指定的地方才看见我们的小舟,因为我们多半走在离河遥远的旱路上。今天下午从威哈罗星来的一个名叫齐拉卫的印第安人在河上和我们相见,这人能说流利的英语,和费城及其附近的一些人相识。他因知道我们将在什么地方宿夜,故意退回六里路,于夜间来到我们地方。不久我们的小舟到了,是辛辛苦苦地推到上流来的。齐拉卫告诉我们昨天有一个印第安人忽促地来到他们镇上,告诉他们几天之前有三个武士从远地来,投宿于威哈罗星附近一村镇上,这三人是往朱尼亚塔地方攻击英国人去的。齐拉卫是要到沙摩京某商店去的。在旅途中我身体虽颇健康,可是由于所经历的各种困难,和生活上重大改变,乃渐觉不支。关于那些印第安武士已很靠近我们,究竟我们会不会掉在他们手中这事,正在试验着我的信心;虽然由于神爱的力量,我曾数次奉献本身,愿意由神支配,但仍然觉得需要更多新的力量,叫我能够坚忍不移;为这缘故我向主求助,祂就在祂的怜恤中赐给我信赖之心,这样我心中又获平静。 六月十七日,我们和齐拉卫分手,继续前行,于午后抵达威哈罗星。我们最先看见的印第安人是一个温和庄重的妇人,带着一个婴儿。她先和我们的向导谈话,然后以和谐声音向我们表示欢迎意思,说是早先已听到了关于我们到来的消息。这时向导让我们坐在一块大木头上,他却往镇上去,通知大家我们已经抵达。我的同伴和我静坐不语,那妇人走过来坐在我们旁边,我们内心喜悦,因觉上帝的爱彰显在我们心中,大可敬畏。不久我们听见了几次吹螺角的声音,以后刻替斯和另一个印第安人来了,殷勤地请我们到靠近镇上的一个屋子去,到时发现有约六十人静坐在那里。和他们默坐一会儿后我就站立起来,在爱中先告诉他们我此行访问的性质,让他们知道为了关心他们的幸福我才不辞跋涉,到此地来看他们;短短的几句话,他们当中有懂英语的就翻译给其他的人听,大家都表示愉快。于是我让他们看我的证件,并略加解释。这时那位在路上追过我们的摩拉维兄弟也来了,他向我表示欢迎。 六月十八日,上午我们略事休息;这里印第安人知道摩拉维弟兄和我们是属于不同的宗教团体,而他们当中某些人特地约请了他前来小住,因此担心在他们的聚会中或将发生相左的意见,为了这事我猜想他们曾经商议过,他们又通知我愿意参加我在任何时所召集的聚会。同时告诉我摩拉维弟兄将在他们固定的聚会时间,即早晨和傍晚,向他们讲话。这时我心里觉得可以坦白告诉摩拉维弟兄我对这些人的善意,且表示我若在他们聚会上为爱心催迫而发言,相信不至于引起什么不良后果,这样我就无需在另外时间另集聚会。听了我这话之后他表示同意,并愿意我在任何时说出我心中所欲表达的话。 十八日晚上我参加了他们的聚会,会中充满着纯洁的福音之爱,好些人心里也满有这爱。翻译的人想把我所说的几句话表达给大家,但似乎颇觉困难;他们当中没有能充分了解英语或德拉瓦方言的,所以他们彼此帮助,这样继续下去,神爱充满会中。这时我心中充满祷告之灵,我告诉翻译的人我正在以心灵求告主,相信如果我的祷告是合宜的,祂必听我,并表示我愿意他们停止翻译;因此我们的聚会在神爱充沛中结束。当我们走出之时,我看见巴普尼汉(一个热心于改革工作的印第安人以后颇富爱心)向某一个翻译员说,“我喜欢知道那些话语的源头。” 六月十九日,星期日晨,那位和摩拉维弟兄同来的印第安人在聚会中祷告,他也是摩拉维教会会友。以后摩拉维弟兄向大家说了些话。下午他们好些人一起来,我心中充满着对他们的关切,我通过了译员向他们说话,但翻译的人对此道都不甚精,而我正感觉到爱之力量的奔流,于是我告诉翻译的人不必翻译,相信有些人能够明白我的话;至于那些不能完全听懂的,圣灵必启迪他们的心。我知道这是神施恩的时候,心中为爱所充满,在主前满心感恩。我坐下之后,有一位译员起立,好像是受圣灵感动,以印第安语将我所说的话撮要译出。 今早第一次聚会之前,我在默想,这些由于六国的政策而住居这一带的印第安人所遭受的各种困难。同情他们的念头油然而生。在基督爱中我对他们的爱心大为增加,比一个善良之人对他惟一亲兄弟所遭受不幸事件的关心,有过而无不及。我到此地来经历无数困难,虽然藉着上帝的仁慈,我相信如果我死在旅途中,对我亦有好处,可是当我软弱之时,想到可能落在印第安武士手中,亦觉恐惧;我的身体原是文弱的,万一让印第安人俘虏去了,又该怎么办呢?他们体强力壮,惯于辛劳,可能会驱使我作不能胜任的苦工。 可是主是我惟一的保护者,所以我相信我若被俘,必然是有着好目的的。因此我心时时信靠,并在信靠中得到安宁。虽然现在在我和家乡之间仍存在着危险的荒野,但我内心喜乐,因主赐我力量,得以来此访问,并在我信心微弱,自觉比许多印第安人都不如之时,向我显出慈父的眷爱。 前述聚会结束时已是夜晚,巴普尼汉上床休息;有一个翻译员坐在我旁边,我听见巴普尼汉以一种柔和声音说话约一二分钟,因询问译员他在说些什么,答称他在向上帝感谢当天他所得到的恩赐,并祈求祂继续将聚会中的经验施赐给他。虽说巴普尼汉先前已同意参加摩拉维派,但他对我们仍甚友善。 六月二十日曾参加两次聚会,均未发言。廿一日晨聚会我心中充满对他们的爱,于是以简短语句说出心中的话,由一位译员向大家译出。聚合在祷告情绪中结束,我应当谦恭承认主对我们的慈爱;我也相信机会之门开着,等待耶稣基督的忠仆此继续工作。 这时我觉得任务已毕,可以回家了,在聚会上我最后说话,并向大家道别,然后准备上路。有些活动份子告诉我们,在我们动身时当地居民希望和我们握手道别;那些常来聚会的人果然这样做了。这时我心中忽有一种催促,乃走近那些不常参加聚会的人,也向他们告别。那位摩拉维弟兄和他的印第安译员于临别时表示很友善态度。这威哈罗星镇位置于萨斯刻罕那河岸,居民约四十户,房子多靠在一起,有的约三十尺长十八尺宽,也有较大或较小的。房子的材料多数是木条,一端插在土中,另一端接在一木板上,木板覆以桷木,再盖上树皮。听说去冬大水淹没了镇上的大部分,所以有些人现在准备移家到较高的地方去。 我们原预料只有两个印第安人同行,但到了动身之时有许多人要往伯利恒售卖皮货,希望和我们结伴。于是他们把货物装在两条独木舟上,要我们从水路出发。据他们说现在因多雨河水甚高,骑马的人必须熟识河道,知道何处可以驱马过河。因此我们和几个印第安人坐在独木舟,其他七人则骑马,约定途中相聚地点,傍晚时份在一条名叫坦哈那的小河边宿夜,有些年青人于天未黑时携熗出去,不久带回来猎获的一头鹿。 六月廿二日我们在天黑以前抵达歪俄明,知道多数的印第安人已从这地方走开了。我们的船开进一条小湾,进入林中,张了布幕,放好行李。不久我们的马匹也都到了。 六月廿三日,晨起,他们把货物捆在马背上,我们也整顿行李上路,一行共十四人,途中不多停留,故当天即走到距离亚兰堡约半路地方。从歪俄明到我们边界的这条路土地非常贫瘠,草料很少,所以印第安人拣了一片较低草地露宿,好让马匹得些草料。我在路上出汗甚多,疲极熟睡。夜间我知道已着凉了,幸而不久复原。 六月廿四日,我们经过亚兰堡,在附近林中露宿,我们三次涉过德拉瓦河西面的小支流,因此避开了青岭的最高峰,即名为第二岭的山峦。第二次过河地方是穿过山谷的,河水又急又深,我同伴的马匹比较高大,也颇驯良,所以他让这马来回涉河数次,把其他小马载负的东西运了过来。正因西行之难,印第安人通过我们边区是不易的,这就是他们乐于同我们结伴旅行的原因;他们希望因此减少在路上所将引起的怀疑。 六月廿五日我们抵达伯利恒,一路上走在前头,告诉附近居民有印第安人和我们同行的事。此举确属必要,因边区居民最近常听到关于英国人为西部印第安人杀害的事,时刻存着戒心。我们同行中的一些人似乎不曾在聚会中见过,有些起初非常拘谨,但几天在一起之后,我们以友善对待他们,酬答他们在路上对我们的一切帮忙,这样他们就比前活泼而好交际了。 六月廿六日,星期日,我们小心地和这些印第安朋友们处理了一切有关这次旅行的事务,于是和他们告别,我想分别时他们都有友爱之心。我们继续前行,到了里士兰,和当地朋友们有了一次很愉快的聚会。在这里我和敬爱的旅伴派敏君分手,由传克君陪伴我骑马到卡瓦拉第的家,第二天续行抵达家门,看见家中人都平安。他们和其他朋友看见我从那么危险的旅行平安回来,都很高兴。当我在外时,我心力求完全顺服,且常确信主所定意命我作的事必能顺利完成。可是现在我必须小心谨慎,利用我所经历的一切试炼,力求依照天父的美意来造就自己,不至于因为使命的成功而骄傲起来,陷入于自私的网罗中。在英国人移民区和威哈罗星之间只有一条羊肠小径可通,而路上杂草丛生,倒塌树木横卧,阻挡去路;加以山峦,池沼,怪石等到处障碍,行旅为难。此外又有响尾蛇为害(我们曾击毙了四条)。没有到过的人大概不知道这些地方的真相。此行我非但学习了忍耐,且知道对上帝存感谢之心,祂教导我应当同情患难中的同类,就是那些在生活上陷于窘境的人。
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