1.By all means marry, if you get a good wife, you'll be happy, if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates) 不管怎么说还是结婚吧，娶到好老婆，你会幸福；娶到坏女人，你将会成为哲学家。
2.Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing. (Duane Dewel)
任何已婚男人都应该忘记自己犯下的错误——没必要两个人都记得同一件事情吧。
3.Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man. (Helen Rowland)
撒谎是男孩的错误，情人的艺术，光棍的成就，已婚男人的第二天性。
4.No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. (Henry Louis Mencken)
结婚的男人是不会真正幸福的，如果他结婚后喝的威士忌不得不比单身时常喝的威士忌差的话。
5.Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. (Oscar Wilde)
男人结婚，因为他们已经疲倦了；女人结婚，因为她们感到好奇了，结果两人都大失所望。
6.Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. (Albert Einstein)
女人嫁给男人，希望他们会所有改变。男人娶个女人，希望她们会永远不变。所以双方必然会失望的。
7.Nowadays, all the married men live like bachelors, and all the bachelors like married men. (Oscar Wilde)
如今，所有的已婚男人过得像一个单身汉，而所有的单身汉过得像已婚男人。
8.A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him. (Elbert Hubbard)
一个娶了女人想教育她的男人，和一个嫁给男人想改造他的女人都沦为同一个谬误的牺牲品。
9.I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. (Sam Kinison)
我可不担心什么恐怖主义，我都结婚两年了。
10.After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. (Hemant Joshi)
结婚之后，老公和老婆就成为一枚硬币的两面；他们就是没法面对自己的另一半，却仍然待在一起。
11.Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat. (Joanne Woodward)
12.There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. (James Holt McGavran)
有一种比电子银行还要快的转帐方式。它叫做婚姻。
13.I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.(Patrick Murray)
我在两个老婆身上的运气都很差。前面的那个扔下了我。现在的这个我扔不掉。
14.A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.(Milton Berle)
一个好妻子总会在她错了的时候原谅她的丈夫。
15.Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.(Socrates)
婚姻是这样一所学校：男人会失去学士学位/单身汉的地位，而女人会获得硕士学位/征服者的地位。
16.Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. (Henry Youngman)
17.Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming. 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. (Nash)
保持婚姻幸福的两大秘密是： 1. 一旦错了，立刻承认；2. 一旦对了，立刻闭嘴。
18.Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.(Anonymous)
婚姻是唯一的和敌人同床共眠的战争。
19.Marriage is Love, Love is blind, therefore, Marriage is an institution for the Blind (Anonymous)
婚姻是因为爱情，爱情是盲目的。所以，婚姻是为瞎子所设的会所。
20.First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." (Anonymous)
一个男人骄傲地说：“我老婆是天使”。另一个男人羡慕地说：“你真走运，我的那个还活着。”
21.Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing, she goes Tuesdays; I go Fridays. (Henry Youngman)
25.Marriage life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. And in the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
